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Original poster

He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
OneTC · 27/08/2024 18:51

It's a shame it's taken a year but at the same time at least it was only one year.

Get shot of him

NannaKaren · 27/08/2024 18:52

You deserve better - he’s got a flipping cheek!!!
get shot of him, NOW

toxic44 · 27/08/2024 18:54

Get rid. He isn't worth the pain he'll cause you. He's told you what he is and he's done you a favour.

Properjob · 27/08/2024 18:57

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Way to go, OP! You will find someone worthy of you. Kids will fit in with you when they come. Enjoy your new role!

ScienceGreek · 27/08/2024 18:58

He sounds like a right tool op, please get rid of him. You are far to good for him.

JaneyGunn85 · 27/08/2024 18:58

Get rid. Put it down to experience and a good time while it lasted x

newfriend05 · 27/08/2024 18:59

Sorry OP , he doesn't see you as "the one" walk away now or at some point he will and you would have wasted time And end up more hurt ..

Scotland32 · 27/08/2024 18:59

Please please please ditch this guy and run. Red flag central. I speak from experience. I had a boyfriend who told me I needed a ‘proper job’. I’m a marketing professional but apparently that’s not proper. It’s not just that though - all this other kids stuff he brought up….if you never actually said that then he’s trying to gaslight you.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 27/08/2024 18:59

WHAT
wtf
What an arsehole
Get rid
And are you 100% he isn't seeing someone else as not meeting friends is a massive massive red flag for being the OW

AnnieSnap · 27/08/2024 19:00

Dump him

Mumof3confused · 27/08/2024 19:02

Dump him asap

Thedaughterinlaw · 27/08/2024 19:03

Sorry to say but this sounds fishy to me. You have been seeing him for a year and haven’t met his friends?! Sorry if I’ve got this muddled but have you met his family? I think he may be seeing someone else. I’d keep your wits about you and do some digging. Actually scrap that I would dump him, he should be proud to introduce you to his friends regardless of profession. Best wishes

glowfrog · 27/08/2024 19:03

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Brilliant. Now dump him!!

glowfrog · 27/08/2024 19:04

And also - he's 44 and wants to wait 5 years for kids? He doesn't want any, that much is obvious, and is wasting your time.

Congrats again on the job offer and enjoy your life without the dead weight.

PaulinBrighton · 27/08/2024 19:05

He's embarrassed to tell his friends about you because of your job, that should be enough to tell him to get stuffed.

BlueFlowers5 · 27/08/2024 19:07

He's going to string you along, the promotion is an excuse.
Let it go.

GreyCloudsAbove · 27/08/2024 19:12

Whoop whoop ! Congrats. Love an instant karma ❤️

Lentilpasta · 27/08/2024 19:16

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 23:51

I work in the private sector so things work very differently! We know when jobs and promotions are coming up and the logical next step for a Deputy is Head. Its interesting when people say, oh your educated and a professional! You should know what to do! Teachers are human, we have the same tries and tribulations as others but we spend 12 hours a day working! Things are not always easy and navigating relationships can be testing for any profession. I know the signs of abuse, coersive control and bad behaviour, sometimes putting it to practice in your own life is hard.

I am shocked at the amount of responses - thank you to you all - consider him dumped!

Are you planning to do it in person or by text/phone?

Mum5net · 27/08/2024 19:17

glowfrog · 27/08/2024 19:04

And also - he's 44 and wants to wait 5 years for kids? He doesn't want any, that much is obvious, and is wasting your time.

Congrats again on the job offer and enjoy your life without the dead weight.

Nailed.
congrats, OP, this exciting new opportunity will open other, better doors and you can slam one in his face …

Barryplopper · 27/08/2024 19:17

He's a massive piss kidney

Pelsall116 · 27/08/2024 19:24

Massive red flag - not good enough for his friends til you have a promotion???? What a total twat - run for the hills and don't look back!

oldmanandtheangel · 27/08/2024 19:31

Are you still here, OP? Have you shown him the door??
And congrats..

charlieinthehaystack · 27/08/2024 19:32

what a rude ignorant pig tell him to do one

Skodacool · 27/08/2024 19:33

It's easy to see why he's 44 and has never married. He wants total control over 'his woman'. I hope you really have dumped him, nothing you do will ever be good enough in his eyes.

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 27/08/2024 19:34

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:21

Yes. Who would have thought that private schools would be so happy to just wing it when appointing a new head, despite the fact that the senior leadership has a significant impact on their brand/PR, and therefore the fees the parents are willing to pay?

The OP has seemingly been offered the job without having to go through any application process, and then given several months to decide whether she fancies it. And this appears to be on the basis that "the logical next step for a Deputy is Head".

Edited

I wrote above, the application process is often not about finding the best candidate, but the candidate who will do and say whetever they want. So it's perectly possible OP was earmarked for beign a head. I have friends in some independent schools and leadership in a few is horrific, some of those people have never actually taught, but been placed as executive heads and SLT to implement the most ridiculous ideas (not that it does not happen in state schools, iykyk).
I work with someone who was promised a very high leadership role, there was of course a recruitment process, surprise who the job. They were coached to tell the right answers and given questions in advance and extra time to prepare a presentation that everyone else had to do on the day.
People who think the appointment process in schools is fair are a bit out of touch. Im sure in some places it is about finding the best candidate etc, but most schools these days operate like corporations, if you are good at bullshitting your way through, you are guaranteed a career and promotions.