He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Been there and it doesn't change. Get rid..

So you are a deputy head (thats impressive to me, well done!) but for him apparently thats not good enough.

Definitely ditch him.

They say the first year or so ‘ are as good as it gets’. In that case - walk away cos you deserve better

well done OP! 👏
Good riddance

If he's like this in the "honeymoon " phase, God help you if you had kids with him.

Red flags

Congratulations OP. Great news on that job. Dump the chump and your life will become immeasurably better.
He sounds like someone I wasted 7 years on. Negging and future faking. It took reading a Mumsnet thread, that someone else started, to enlighten me. Don’t waste the time that I did.

Chalk this one up to experience, gather your self esteem and confidence and get the hell out, this is toxic behaviour which will not improve, good luck in your new future.

Dump him, he’s NOT the man for you ☹️

I’m sorry Op. He is being mean and manipulative to push you into leaving him so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. Leave him, don’t make a scene, remember you WILL find better and when you do it will be easy - none of this nonsense.

So you were offered a headship yesterday. When does the job start?

Have you spoken to your partner since deciding you were going to dump him?

Oh and just seen you got the job! Congratulations!

Probably he hasn’t got any friends and is kicking the can with fake obstacles.

After a year, you only see each other twice a week, you’ve not met any of his friends or family and he thinks you should focus on your career for 5 years… nope. Just nope. Move on- concentrate on your career for yourself, not for anyone else. If you’re happy at work crack on and live your best life with the friends who love you. Life is too short to waste on those who don’t deserve you.

Probably be the wrong sort of promotion.

This one's puzzling me too. Please could you clarify, OP?

And don't speak to him again. What an unpleasant, shallow little man. You really don't need such a vain twat in your life.

Undoubtedly, he will ask why you're blanking him - just tell the above.

He’s got someone else I’m afraid. She’s the one he takes to events etc.

I think not letting you meet his friends is a major red flag
and everything else is possibly just him trying to deflect a bigger issue?

It wasn’t his actual birthday that’s why he didn’t want anyone hearing about it.
Then he was nasty as he felt some small guilt about what he’d done.

What an odious individual. Dump him.

Please make sure you mention this during the dumping, and congratulations!

I just wanted to say that I worked in the domestic abuse sector and was genuinely shocked when, after he applied for divorce, my GP and solicitor pointed out that I was in a toxic, controlling relationship. My point being that we often see the signs when they're happening to others, but can't always identify them when it's happening to us.
Good riddance to that controlling twat, you're going to be better off without him, and eventhough it hurts now, he's done you a big favour by letting you see his true colours before it's too late.

What a wanker. Dump him and consider yourself lucky to have found out what a twat he was before you got in deeper. Congrats on the job offer.

Get rid. A year and you haven’t met friends or family. He’s now gaslighting you and putting you down. Just block

HAHA! Bloody well done!