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Original poster

He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
SensibleSigma · 27/08/2024 10:25

Congratulations!

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 27/08/2024 10:27

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 09:54

It doesn't work like that at private schools either though.

The appointing body (governing body/trustees) will still undertake a rigorous recruitment process and very often an external candidate will be appointed. The Deputy Head doesn't just get a tap on the shoulder because they've been in post a while and are therefore "up for promotion".

Either you have been formally offered the job, or you haven't.

Show quote history

In a few schools I worked in candidates were earmarked for promotions, they obviously advertised but had a candidate in mind- including SLTs positions that went not to the best, but the candidate that they wanted to get it from the start, and the process included informal prepping the chosen candidate. So I can tell you the 'rigorous recruitment process' is often corrupt and unfair and a bit of a bs.

CowTown · 27/08/2024 10:27

Well done! Now you can tell him, and have him set up the meet-ups with his friends and family. See if he really meant it. (Then dump, obviously.)

HappierTimesAhead · 27/08/2024 10:29

Congrats! You are on your way up and he is on his way down!

CowTown · 27/08/2024 10:33

Tulipsareredvioletsarebue · 27/08/2024 10:27

In a few schools I worked in candidates were earmarked for promotions, they obviously advertised but had a candidate in mind- including SLTs positions that went not to the best, but the candidate that they wanted to get it from the start, and the process included informal prepping the chosen candidate. So I can tell you the 'rigorous recruitment process' is often corrupt and unfair and a bit of a bs.

Show quote history

Yes. And it’s terribly unfair on the unwitting “pawns” who have had to take time off work, set cover work for the day, prepare a presentation, and go through all of the emotions. When they weren’t even a viable candidate in the first place and never even stood a chance.

Platform8 · 27/08/2024 10:35

Sorry OP but I’d be walking away now

nosleepforme · 27/08/2024 11:33

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Congratulations!!!
lol to the ex.

HazelPlayer · 27/08/2024 11:51

I would be very tempted to tell him the job is yours and what you'd like to meet his family and friends.

I bet he will make another excuse of let the meeting slide/be postponed/be vague. .. ongoing.

Because there is no way that's why he's not introducing you to them.

Olika · 27/08/2024 12:10

Congratulations! Now it's time to start a new chapter in your life - new role- without him!

HelenWheels · 27/08/2024 12:11

excellent
absolutely too good for him !
tell him so @Burritowrap

AmberAlert86 · 27/08/2024 12:15

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Congratulations!

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 12:27

"Its interesting when people say, oh your educated and a professional!"

I really hope that this is a typo or firing off a quick response, coming from a head teacher!

StopStartStop · 27/08/2024 13:32

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Congratulations!
Accept, then ditch the lowlife who doesn't value you.

Ooh, you said 'consider him dumped'. Fabulous! Well done.

Maria1979 · 27/08/2024 13:36

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Well done. I know you would love to rub it in the poor excuse of a man's face but why even give him anymore headspace, he's not worth it.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2024 13:44

Burritowrap · 27/08/2024 10:24

I have been formally offered the job.

Since yesterday? Wow.

Things really do work very different in private schools. Had you been offered a headship and not told him?

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:06

Maria1979 · 27/08/2024 13:36

Well done. I know you would love to rub it in the poor excuse of a man's face but why even give him anymore headspace, he's not worth it.

Show quote history

Quoted wrong post - sorry

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:07

This reply has been deleted

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Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2024 14:17

This reply has been deleted

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It’s bizarre, isn’t it?!

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:21

Yes. Who would have thought that private schools would be so happy to just wing it when appointing a new head, despite the fact that the senior leadership has a significant impact on their brand/PR, and therefore the fees the parents are willing to pay?

The OP has seemingly been offered the job without having to go through any application process, and then given several months to decide whether she fancies it. And this appears to be on the basis that "the logical next step for a Deputy is Head".

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2024 14:29

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:21

Yes. Who would have thought that private schools would be so happy to just wing it when appointing a new head, despite the fact that the senior leadership has a significant impact on their brand/PR, and therefore the fees the parents are willing to pay?

The OP has seemingly been offered the job without having to go through any application process, and then given several months to decide whether she fancies it. And this appears to be on the basis that "the logical next step for a Deputy is Head".

Edited

On a Bank Holiday Monday, as well!

B1anche · 27/08/2024 14:39

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2024 14:29

On a Bank Holiday Monday, as well!

Show quote history

For God's sake why do people have to get sidetracked like this? The point of the post was that the boyfriend is being an arse. The exact job etc is irrelevant. Most people change some details when posting so as not to be identified.

viques · 27/08/2024 14:47

This reply has been deleted

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Jaxhog · 27/08/2024 15:29

Accept the job and then dump him. Tell him that you now out of his league.

ValsCupcakes · 27/08/2024 15:39

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 27/08/2024 14:21

Yes. Who would have thought that private schools would be so happy to just wing it when appointing a new head, despite the fact that the senior leadership has a significant impact on their brand/PR, and therefore the fees the parents are willing to pay?

The OP has seemingly been offered the job without having to go through any application process, and then given several months to decide whether she fancies it. And this appears to be on the basis that "the logical next step for a Deputy is Head".

Edited

And on Bank Holiday Monday too!

Cazz1953 · 27/08/2024 17:41

Run! He’s bad news!