He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

YABU -why do you want to be with someone that is embarrassed by you. looks down on you and in no way sees you as an equal - let alone marry the twat?

You are in your thirties... why would you assume you are on the same page? He's 44, never married, no kids, doesn't want you to meet his friends and is controlling your family planning and career. Doesn't that give you some indication of his thoughts? Sista, don't give your power away. Continue on the career path that makes sense to you now. Drop the middle-aged loser. It's pretty obv he's been thrown back or avoided for good reason. You were unlucky to hook up with him. Throw him back. And always put your cards on the table so you don't waste your precious time.

If he doesn't support you now and judges your career choices to the point he won't introduce you to his friends I would walk away now with my head held high. He's a knob.

He's 44, not married, no DC- he doesn't want those things Op. Despite what a lot of people say there's nothing wrong with not wanting to marry or have DC but you should be honest with your DP, he's not, he's leading you on. If you want DC I'd be doing a bunk Op

You are only in your 30s, have nearly reached the most senior level a teacher can reach (as I understand it, layperson here) and he isn't proud of you? Get rid!

Also, what does he do at age 44 that is so impressive? Please share.

Please leave him

My exclusive partner of five years recently didn't let me go to his 50th birthday party
turned out he had his OW there
do not waste your life this type of man can destroy you

Please don’t stay in this relationship. He is not serious about you at all

Oh, no! How awful for you. 😳

They why 'their' and 'them'. Is he/they non-binary?

Agree with this entirely. Why does it matter what role/grade you are at.
This relationship is over OP, you deserve better

I'd be minded to send him a gift-wrapped turd, with a little card stuck into it, bearing the message "See this shit? That's you, that is. You're both dumped."

Even thinking about doing it is strangely satisfying.

You've really been played here, OP, I'm so sorry.

And please take the promotion!!!!

Obviously don’t because you can be banned from teaching for unprofessional behaviour.

How is this even a negotiable?? Just tell him to fuck right off the weirdo

I agree.

Op - is this for a temporary acting headteacher role? I cannot see any other way of being “up for promotion” to becoming a headteacher?
Is he a headteacher?
I’m a teacher & find that chatting to new staff or teacher friends at various schools you can usually find out about people if wanted - surely asking around someone must know more about him, he must have some work friends in some schools in your locality (especially if he is arranging a party)? Someone you work with or one of your old colleagues might know one of them & be able to enlighten you more?

Either way I hope you’ve dumped him now.

you can do better than this frog

throw him back in the pond

fish again

This is a lie he told you. His friends knew it was his birthday and what age, he just kept you a secret and didn’t want you to meet his friends. He is either having you as an affair or he will never marry you or introduce you to his friends and family. There is nothing wrong with you for him to be ashamed off. He is a dick and there is nothing that would make me stay with a man like this. Please leave him and find someone who loves you and wants to show you off.

Teachers are also human beings, and sometimes dont apply what they know to their own lives ffs. That does not make them bad teachers or uncapable of safeguarding OTHER people.

Demote him to ex-boyfriend!

You sound much more successful than him and I don't think he likes that- which is why he probably doesn't want you to meet his friends as he hasn't achieved. You deserve so much more ! I hope he is soon in your past not your brilliant future

Big red flags here 🚩🚩🚩

He is testing you to see if you can be controlled and will fall into line willingly. If you go along with this, things will get worse not better.

There is a reason he’s not married with lids already: it’s because he’s an arsehole. He can lure women into a relationship because he seems like a catch and many women in their thirties are keen to settle down and have kids. The relationships all last for a year or two then fall apart once he shows his true colours.

I once dated this exact same guy although in my case he was a doctor. He is 51 now and still single despite a long string of relationships with lovely, kind women, none of whom managed to put up with his controlling, emotionally abusive behaviour for more than a couple of years.

He is not a nice person. Exit, stage left.

Get rid.