He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

😱😳🤢

For the love of God, bin him off.

Something fishy there. Sorry you are left feeling horrible but ditch him, you are worth more than that!

Be glad for the early warning.

Run.

My goodness, what have I just read??

You're a deputy headteacher clearly doing brilliantly in your career, and some ridiculous man thinks he can tell you that's not good enough for him, or his friends?

Either he's making excuses because he's up to something sketchy or just otherwise isn't into the relationship (sorry to say it, although it sounds like you've dodged a bullet...) or he's intimidated or jealous and is trying to put you down.

Whatever it is, he needs to go!

And enjoy your promotion (if you decide it's the right time - if not, there will be other opportunities in future)

Please dont waste yourself on this eejit OP!

How do you think he will take it when you dump him op? I reckon he will be backtracking on what he said and make moves to include you more with his friends/family but he won’t actually do it.

I think a text would suffice when dumping him. He doesn’t deserve much more than that. Also, as he’s a controlling and manipulative man, I probably wouldn’t want to be around him when he is dumped as these types of people can turn nasty very quickly when rejected.

Be prepared for the crocodile tears, false apologies and trying to rope you back in with false promises of love, marriage, kids and anything else he might think you want to hear!

Talks about you meeting his friends, talks about moving in, talks about marriage, talks about kids… It’s all just that, TALK.

Pay attention to his actions.

This man will drag his feet about every relationship milestone.

The not introducing you to his friends until you’ve got a promotion is either an excuse or the truth, either way it screams weird.

It’s not you OP it’s him 💐

DUMP !!!!!!!!! this is just the beginning , promotion 1st then what other conditions will he want further down the line ? how dare he .
You will be living on constant edge if you stay with this dick head .
You have the chance of a happy future and possibly a family with someone who loves you as you are , he will not as he will constantly be wanting the unachievable , tough shit for him , he sounds utterly vile.

Ps I notice you don’t say he’s your boyfriend, so just ‘seeing each other’ for a year? Another red flag

Why on earth are you still with this awful excuse for a partner?

He wants to keep your separate from his other life. Could be because he is embarrassed of you ( sounds correct considering what he said about the promotion ) or that is just an excuse and he wants to keep you away because he is already married or he is embarrassed of his friends and family. Very odd ! Has he done anything else off ?

I assume you aren’t in the U.K. because promotion to headteacher doesn’t happen like that. You aren’t, “up for promotion next year.” You apply, and then have to go through a rigorous process before being offered a job.
As others have pointed out , a deputy head in the U. K. would surely not need to be asking people on the Internet how to tell someone the relationship is over.Experience and training about how to deal with people is a big part of the job.
All very odd.

May I recommend putting him in one of these...

Fuck.

I'm really sorry OP but you need to run away quickly from this man.

If he wants to wait that long, I think there's a good change he's future faking you, and the fact that he won't introduce you to his friends until you're promoted??WTF is that????

Careful of being a career trophy wife.

Instead of going for the stereotypical much-younger blonde, some narcissistic men go for high achieving women not because they want to celebrate you or because they're progressive, but because they're concerned about how your achievements make them look.

It's the same type of man that will make sure that despite you having their children, will make sure they split everything with you 50 / 50. They'll make you feel shit if you fail to be anything less than superwoman, juggling a demanding full time job with most of the childcare responsibilities. They won't be supportive, and won't value the work of motherhood that you will do.

AVOID!!

Get rid op, it will only get worse. You should be able to come on here for advice what ever your job is. Not odd at all.

Tell him you're promoting yourself, you deserve better from a partner, so you're cutting him lose.

You'd be better off going it alone than with this selfish 44 year old who clearly doesn't want children... if he did, he'd know full well he needs to get on with it now, too, not just you.

I am guessing he was drinking and think this may be a case of in vino veritas - I would get out and find someone whose aims in life are a better match with yours

'Up for promotion' to headteacher?

This thread is very odd

OP, Exclude him - permanently

Hmm. People are never 'up for promotion' to a headship in a school OP. What is happening to the current head for you to know this is on the cards within the year?

He does not care about you
He is just filling time.

Two sayings come to mind.
Never make someone a priority when you're only an option for them.
No man is worth your tears. And the one who is would never make you cry.

Also - could he be married? You haven't met his family or friends. That suggests he is hiding something.

Same. Head teacher roles aren't given out like that.

His love comes with conditions and he’ll always be moving the goal posts and changing up on you.