He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

However you want. He’s a horrible piece of shit, so frankly you’d be well within your rights to dump him via a billboard on your local high street, if you felt like it.

He sounds nice

I’d smell a rat if I’d been dating someone for a year and they didn’t want to introduce me to their friends or were planning a party for their birthday they didn’t want me at. That’s someone who’s either not that into you or has something to hide: embarrassing friends/backstory or OW.

The promotion excuse is appalling. It surely is an excuse to put off/hide the real reason and an absolutely vacuous one at that! He doesn’t want to introduce you to his friends until you’ve done something for him to show off about??

What attracts you to him? You seem to want different things in life.

Listen to the lyrics of, "when a man loves a woman" (Michael Bolton)
Some guidelines there for us x

He is ashamed of you.

As well as your status and job title, does he also criticise your appearance, weight, accent, interests, education, dress sense, interests, friends etc?

You will never be quite good enough - in HIS eyes.

You're wasting time and love and attention and energy and hopes on this one. Chuck it back, it's a dud.

He sounds like a waste of space. And there are several red flags there too.

Only you can make yourself feel terrible.

Hear what he is saying, see what he is doing and decide for yourself if he is what you want in a partner.
If you don’t like it, make a change.

Dont let his words and behavior dictate how you feel about yourself.

(If he won’t let you meet his friends … he is looking for someone else, or seeing someone else).

Tell him you got it and are ready to meet his friends!
See if he moves the goal posts.

If he doesn't, arrange the meeting then stand him up, dump his ass, then ring his mum and tell her she should have done a better job raising her son with better morals. Or any good morals she taught him evaporated!

In the bin! Now! You deserve so much better. He’s not going to change, it’ll only get worse. Get rid now and find someone who appreciates you for who you are not what they want you to be.

You're not the only only one! And these threads often start with one little sentence that the man has said.....

I don’t see how he could ever be attractive to you after this.

I would tell him straight. No, you don’t want to be a man so shallow, misguided and insecure that he thinks your job title is relevant when he introduces you to his friends. No, you don’t want to wait five years to start a family because at 44 he isn’t ready and probably never will be. No, you don’t want to be a man who expects to dictate to you what you do and how you manage your career or home life. No, you couldn’t find him attractive again now he’s made such a fool of himself.

Oh, I have met this guy. Dated him even. It's all good, OP, you won't end up happily ever after with him. Just get rid now.

You think this is uncommon?

Get rid of this total arsehole and run in the other direction.

Just a text will be fine to end things. ‘I gather from our conversation yesterday that we want different things from a relationship. I wish you all the best but I would like to end it here. ‘

Dump and find a younger man who actually wants a family, because this man doesn't and he'll waste your remaining fertile years. There are many known health risks for a child with an older father so probably not wise to have kids with him anyway.

I thought I made it obvious I didn't mean all people who have children in their 40s. Just men who are already showing signs of being controlling and immature would not adapt well to having children so late in life. Add to that the 5 year wait he would be 49 !

Have you dumped him yet?

I would bet good money that he is already seeing someone, why else would he not have introduced you to his friends?

or maybe he is embarrassed by you? either way, he’s an arse

Yes, always respectful to do it in person. Ideally, in a public place where you won’t be overheard, with a friend waiting nearby to whisk you off for a drink. Then you can leave as a queen with your head held high.

I agree with PPs you should tell him straight you find his behaviour secretive and sketchy. And that you clearly want/value different things in life.

Don’t want to worry you unnecessarily, but if you haven’t met any of his friends or family are you sure he’s who he says he is? I know people who’ve been taken in by conmen or stalked. I hope he hasn’t had access to any of your financial info. Suggest to be on the safe side you change all your passwords and be alert to personal security (e.g. change lock barrel) if he’s familiar with your home, routine etc.

ah okay yeah fair enough if that’s what you meant - totally agree with you!

I don’t think this controlling childish man would make a good father now, 5 years ago or 5 years from now.

You’ve had a lot of good advice and insight on this thread @Burritowrap we are all mostly saying the same thing! hopefully you can reflect on this and make some decisions sooner than later.

☝️this

Are you sure he's not already married?

My first thought....

It's simple-he is just not that into you! Sooner you accept that the better for you. Don't waste your precious fertility years on this man.

🚩 This is your running for the hills time OP