He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

Is he gay? Is he the kind of repressed gay men who'd get married to a woman because it might look good for his career? Are his friends mostly gay men and that's why you can't meet them, I wonder?

That's a bit of a reach... he just sounds like an arse (a characteristic that is found equally among gay and straight people)

No, I am up for a promotion of head next year, but undecided whether to take it or not. I have to decide in the next few months. I was going to do a few more years as deputy to have time and energy to start a family as I am in my 30s.

This man is unkind and selfish, and he doesn’t care about you. Sorry to be so blunt but you deserve much better.

Interesting-is that an internal promotion from deputy head to head? It doesn’t tend to work like that in schools round here.

Is your boyfriend also a head teacher, @Burritowrap ?

He's an awful self-centred immature prick and you are well rid.

Yes this!! However, don’t let him know he hurt you as that would give him some sort of satisfaction. I would replace that sentence about it being hurtful with “I don’t have time for your bullshit”. Just act like you aren’t bothered about losing him, that he’s easily disposable, that you won’t tolerate it and that he cannot hurt you!

It needs to be goodbye to him. He does not sound proud of you and doesn’t even have the decency to disguise it. He is also not on the same page regarding major life choices ! You can do better !

Also, he'd make a terrible Dad because his only interest in other people is how good they make HIM look.

Just read your latest update, and can’t quite believe that you ‘dp’ isn’t proud that you’re a deputy head! Thats something he should be shouting from the rooftops.

At 44, he knows if he wants to get married, have kids etc. if he doesn’t know that now, it’s clear he doesn’t want to me marry/settle etc. As far as he’s concerned, the boat has sailed.

To use another marine analogy, throw him back into the sea. There’s better fish out there. He’s not a long term partner.

What am I reading?
He's a complete prick who couldn't care less about you as a person.
You are merely a reflection of him.
Dump him publicly if you can and move on.
What a tosser.

Extremely worrying you’re a teacher who can’t spot a red flag the size of Mount Everest…

Nows the time to break up. There's nothing to lose on either side. You're not the match you thought you were and that's ok.

I’ve more or less said this in another post. Teachers have extensive safeguarding training and most deputy heads in my area are usually the safeguarding lead. If this was a child disclosing such a massive read flag to their teacher about a parent who had said something similar, it would most definitely be logged.

Does he look down on you for 'just' being a teacher? Regardless he's a prick, stop wasting your time on him. He is no prize.

Focus on you and your career and your goals, not him.

Oh, leave him.

What a twat.

Just dump him.

He sounds absolutely awful.

Two questions:

Would you really want this man to be the father of your children?

Are you really leaving the decision whether to have children to him? Realistically, at his age and with his attitude, how likely do you think it is that he will ever want to have children?

Honestly it doesn’t sound like he ever wanted kids - he is stringing you along. If a guy is that age and never had a serious relationship and still isn’t ready for kids they are never going to be. If you stay with him you will miss your window and he will likely leave you anyway as he’s made no signs of committing. In your 30’s you don’t have time to waste on men with peter pan personalities.

As you aren’t planning to have kids just yet, would it not be better to get the promotion and work your ass off for a year or 2 and then start TTC.

You can always take a step down again but you don’t want opportunities to pass you by whilst waiting to find someone to have kids with.

Juggling kids and a new job can be difficult and so it’s best to have the job first and get your head around it and then add kids into the mix.

Never has there been an easier MN LTB RUN FOR THE HILLS 🏃

He is using you for sex and all other strange kind of things. Honestly, just get rid of him.

I am a woman who has a job, I never had a career. So. Wanted to get married and have kids due to age. So.

Who is a man to oppose me or be rude to me when he is using my bits for his pleasure, without commitment. No way

This. Was about to come on and say the exact same thing. Good job you’ve not wasted too much time on him.

Life is short. Toss this one back.

In the bin with him
he wants a trophy not a living spouse