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Original poster

He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

818 replies

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 10:41

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

OP posts:
Justgorgeous · 26/08/2024 13:01

Wow. What an utter cretin.

Inkyblue123 · 26/08/2024 13:02

He’s a knob, get rid.
honeztky if he was genuinely into you , you would have met his friends and family within n the first month or so of dating, it’s been a year, he’s rude and ungrateful. Sack him off now and don’t waste another minute on him

Gettingbysomehow · 26/08/2024 13:03

Dump him in person definitely. Seriously! What a dud.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 26/08/2024 13:03

amusedbush · 26/08/2024 11:50

Yes he is 44 now. Never had kids or married.

What a shocker. Can't think why.

Usually at that age, more common in men than women, red flags start waving. For women though it’s mostly at that age they’ve refused to settle for idiots in the past (I was one of those). When I was early to mid 30s I met a nice Irish man in London, dated him but he kept on how he hated his boss every time we met up, and not doing much about it. I ended it then but we reconnected and then the other stuff emerged, he disliked his mother, he’d been sent to boarding school (but had a good job because of this) and then I noticed he had a weed and alcohol addiction. He proposed to me and I said yes but then broke it off. I realised I couldn’t deal with all his issues.

DutifulDaughterWifeMother · 26/08/2024 13:03

Burritowrap · 26/08/2024 11:48

Yes he is 44 now. Never had kids or married. I am younger, I am working on my career to be a Headteacher and I am a few years off.
Ideally I wanted to have kids before I get into headship, as I am currently deputy head and want to balance being with my family. He said I could just get a nanny to raise them and focus on my career. I felt like crying during the meal as I have made things very clear that I am looking for a partner that wants a family/marriage.

OP, so many red flags…….honestly I could be here all day but you know deep down he is not your ‘person’. Save yourself a lot of grief & heartache and kick him to the kerb. You organised a lovely birthday for him & instead of being appreciative he criticised you! What you want & what he wants are poles apart and before you lose your best years get rid as this man is going to give you nothing but heartache & you are worth so much more.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 26/08/2024 13:03

He’s a cunt. Leave him - you deserve so much better.

LBFseBrom · 26/08/2024 13:04

"This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it. "

Confusing with the 'theirs' and 'them', sounds like more than one person and we know you are talking about one man.

He sounds pretty dreadful, wanting to keep you in a compartment which nobody else will see. What he says about career, etc, is ridiculous because you have a career to which you are committed and it is quite normal for you to want to have children before too long.

It doesn't sound as though this is the man for you, op. You can do better - with someone who is maybe not so old but definitely more 'grown up' than he. He doesn't want to settle down, some people are just like that.

TonTonMacoute · 26/08/2024 13:05

It's not you, it's him.

Thank your lucky stars you have escaped wasting any more of your precious time on this creep.

Sewsewsew · 26/08/2024 13:05

Omg. He just wants your job status on his arm and the use of your womb!

run OP, run, but just before you do tell him about the promotion!

good luck !

Mrsgreen100 · 26/08/2024 13:05

He’s probably got someone else on the go to
his work people probably know
he’s not your person
get rid now

pinkyredrose · 26/08/2024 13:07

He's not the one for you.

Summer24isRubbish · 26/08/2024 13:08

Sethera · 26/08/2024 10:43

Tell him to fuck off. Pathetic behaviour. LTB.

This

viques · 26/08/2024 13:08

autienotnaughty · 26/08/2024 12:36

He's not on the same page. And he doesn't think you are good enough to meet his friends. Definitely get rid.

There is a Stacey Dooley quote on one of her programmes. She says of someone “ We aren’t on the same page, we are not in the same book , in fact I don’t think we are even in the same library.”

OP, I don’t think you and your sketchy friend are in the same library.

OooohAhhhh · 26/08/2024 13:09

I don't think you should dump him in person, he doesn't deserve that. He deserves brutality, so dumping by text message will be just that.
If you dump him in person you will be giving him the opportunity to talk you out of it.
Be stern, you will show your cards and you will be in control, you can't be talked out of it as easily over text.
Then block his sorry ass and when you get promoted I'd make sure he found out 🤩

Choochoo21 · 26/08/2024 13:09

He doesn’t want to be with you.

If it’s not the promotion he’ll find something else.

Dump him before he dumps you.

Daltonbear1 · 26/08/2024 13:09

I think he has another woman and you aren't just main woman as the awkwardness when meeting your friends not wanting you yo be part of his life. That sounds like he doesn't see you as gf is marriage material he's been lying to you. So yes dump him

Choochoo21 · 26/08/2024 13:10

Unless he has anything of yours, then I would just dump him over text.

Seems pointless wasting a trip to see him.

Just tell him that it’s not working out and that it’s over.

Daltonbear1 · 26/08/2024 13:11

The thing is he may have kids and a wife as you haven't met his friends etc. People can do two lives

HoppingPavlova · 26/08/2024 13:13

Bin him off pronto.

The best thing is I am actually up for a promotion

Definitely bin him off before you actually get one. No person that loves you wants to wait until you get a promotion to introduce you to their friends. That’s bizarre. And if he truly thinks like that (although I suspect it’s an excuse), then it just makes him a complete cunt. Surely you are worth more than that? Someone who will love you and proudly introduce you to friends no matter your job role or level.

GCAcademic · 26/08/2024 13:14

Never had kids or married.

There's a reason for that. It's because he's not father or husband material. Surely you can see that?

BrightYellowStar · 26/08/2024 13:16

I know 100% that my DH would gladly introduce me to anyone irrespective of what job title I held - or even if indeed I didn't work.

Is this guy the sort of person you want to align yourself with? He sounds like a massive twat.

xsquared · 26/08/2024 13:17

Red flags everywhere.

He doesn't get to make your career decisions for you.
He is also treating you as a shameful secret and only to be introduced to his circle of friends when he deems you good enough, as if you're some sort of a show dog.

This is very controlling behaviour

I think it's time you value yourself above this man. Tell him that you clearly want different things. He's not worthy of you.

TheShellBeach · 26/08/2024 13:21

He said I could just get a nanny to raise them and focus on my career

WTAF.

How awful.

Time to get rid of this arrogant, cruel man. He's wasted a year of your life. What a nasty person.

I'm sorry, OP. I suppose it's a good thing you found all this out before you bought a house and had children.

Waterboatlass · 26/08/2024 13:23

I'd just send a text rather than have a face to face. He's a weird one. Meeting friends isn't conditional on job ranking. Whoever heard of such a thing?

I don't make a habit of inferring 'he's probably married' but he's not upfront and honest and truthfully, something about what you've described wouldn't surprise me if he was otherwise engaged.

Good luck with the promotion!!

TheAlchemy · 26/08/2024 13:23

The red flags are waving all over the place

only seeing each other a couple of times a week
not meeting his friends and family
being 44 and not wanting kids for 5 years
dictating your career to you

OP are you absolutely certain you’ve not inadvertently became the OW? In any case run don’t walk.