He says I can't meet his friends until I get a promotion??

[Burritowrap]

I have been seeing someone for around a year now. We are exclusive and see each other twice a week or so.
He has been on a beach trip with my friends but seemed awkward but got over the initial awkwardness.
He talks about marriage, moving in together and has told his family about me.

This weekend we went for a meal for their birthday. I had made a big fuss for their day, organising a cake, gifts and took them to a fancy restaurant. I thought he enjoyed it.

He then was talking about some party he is planning to hold, and i said how great it would be to finally meet his friends. He went all sketchy and said how he didnt want that to happen just yet. I asked him why and he couldnt really answer me. He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work so then he could show off my role. (We are both in the same profession).

He then went on during the night saying how I am very full on and he doesnt like it - he wants to wait five years for kids (I don't) and that I should be focusing on my career. He was complaining how I want to get married and he wants to wait. He was the one who bought it all up.

I am so hurt by all of these things. I thought we were on the same page and he just has made me feel terrible. I feel like why bring all of this up on his birthday night... Im not sure how to respond but havent spoken to him since as I am just so upset and done.

When people show you who they are, believe them. Dump.

Don’t waste anymore of your time. Move in. He’s not right for you on a number of levels.

when you do end it, do not settle fir him telling you he may change his mind about children as he’ll just waste more of your time.

just think what could possibly happen to your relationship if (god forbid) something happened in your place of employment or the field you work in that ended that is trickier career path. Would he drop you?

why haven’t you already, after a year, not met any friends? No family at all? Why had he been hiding you?

all red flags.

run.

Bin him off, OP.

He's not the one.

And he clearly considers himself so far above you that his pride would be severely dented by you binning him off, which would do him a world of good.

Firstly he's done you a massive good turn .you know where you stand with him and what who he is.
Don't waste any more time and energy on him .
Promotion indeed

Bloody hell! That is no way to behave. He's an absolute snot and doesn't deserve any more of your time.

What would you do if a friend told you this story?

‘Thank you for showing me who you are, however it’s clear we want different things and I deserve better, goodbye.’

Block.

Any way you like, just do it.

Although I wouldn't make any effort to be gentle.

OP, I've told this story on Mumsnet before...

At work, one of my colleagues mentioned my "fiancé".

"Oh, he's not my fiancé. He's just my boyfriend."

"How long have you been going out?"

"Three years."

"Three years and you're not engaged? What's wrong with him?"

I married my colleague. He was older than me, but we had 27 years of marriage together before I lost him.

He was always proud to introduce me to other people.

Don't stay with this guy. By the time he is ready for children (if that ever happens) then he will be 50. Why would you want to have children with 50 year old? Cut your losses and look for someone else. You sound a level headed kind person and frankly he sounds like a knob. You are worth more than this.

He told me he could possibly introduce me once I had a promotion at work
😱😱😱

Get rid of him. He's either future faking you or only wants your money.

Yes he is 44 now. Never had kids or married.
There's a reason for that. He's an unsupportive, unkind, shallow person. I repeat, get rid.

What a catch he is! Throw him back. Better to be single than with this dick.

Wowsers- as someone coming from a family of teachers- being a Deputy head at 'younger than 44' is really pretty bloody impressive.

Please do not waste any more of your one and precious life on this man. He's not worthy of you.

You are not being unreasonable. But he’s wasting your time. Move on.

Oh just get a nanny and make sure you keep a big wig stressful job so I can show off..
maybe you want to stay home with your babies more- that’s not his decision! Bin him

Split up with him and that will be a promotion in itself!

Demote him to ex!

"I ... want to balance being with my family. He said I could just get a nanny to raise them and focus on my career"

So your career has to march to his precise timetable? You are not advancing fast enough?
He wants you to be on a higher salary. And also for your job title to match the approval of his friends and acquaintances, to make you appear to be a "catch", as deputy head, you are not yet considered a catch. What's next Education Minister?
This is crazy.
Also.
I note his use of the word YOU, "you could just get a nanny"
The entire idea illustrates that he doesn't see himself as a parent. Shove the job off on the nanny, which you will pay for with your high flying career, which he insists you focus on.

You said that he's in the same sector. I guarantee you, as and when you get promoted to the same level as him, he will start being career competitive, he's that worried about appearances.

A prince.

That’s disgusting behaviour but especially if you’ve been together a year, so are invested in it.

As others have said he doesn’t sound very nice.

He doesn’t want you to meet his friends … I wonder if he’s keeping you away because they know something about him. Whatever move on. He sounds a nasty piece of work and at least you’ve found out now before wasting more time.

You've been seeing each other for a year, yet you only meet twice a week, have no plans for a future, and he doesn't want to introduce you to his mates. He's not very interested in you, sorry. He enjoys the sex, perhaps your company, and probably the attention on his birthday, but that's it.

Don't waste any more time on this pathetic person.

I was going to roll out 'he's just not that into you' but actually, the reason he's not that into you is that he's a materialistic immature twat.

So you being a deputy headteacher is not enough. Is he actually a head then? You’re not in the same school are you?

He has a very weird viewpoint and sounds horrible.

And this man is entrusted with young people's education - Jesus, you'd want him nowhere near your kids would you with his level of social disfunction.

If he's 44 and doesn't want kids 'yet' he's never going to actually want kids. Sounds like he's future faking, but even if he wasn't this is a shitty half arse relationship and you deserve way better than a man who won't introduce you to his family and friends until you have the 'right' job. Your profession isn't shameful, but his behaviour is.

I keep wondering whether he's in another relationship.

He already has a wife/partner.