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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moral dilemma. What would you do?

132 replies

Halftheworldawayy · 26/08/2024 10:03

On the train back from London I overheard the conversation of the woman sat next to me.

It was her birthday and her and two friends (friend A and E) had gone to Magic Mike. Friend E had got so drunk that she fell asleep in the bar at Magic Mike and had almost got them kicked out. They went out for more drinks after the show and both friends were hammered.

They got on the underground to go home, Friend E jumped off at a random stop to be sick, Friend A jumped off at a next stop to find her. Birthday girl (not hammered) stayed on the tube all the way to the train station.

When birthday girl got to the station neither friend was there so she gets on the train to go home. Friend A keeps ringing her in tears saying she can’t find Friend E and birthday girl tells her to leave her and get the train as Friend E will eventually sober up and get the train herself.

They also both kept trying to call Friend E and it was going to voicemail.

Birthday girl felt no guilt at all about leaving her friends and repeatedly said “they needed to man up” “handle their drink better”. I do agree to a point as these women were easily late 30s/early 40s and I get how frustrating it is as a grown adult to babysit drunk adults. But I’m not sure I would have abandoned both friends.

OP posts:
MamaNell · 26/08/2024 10:06

I would stop ear-wigging on other people's conversations and then judging them. You don't know them or any of the back story.

NatalieIsFreezing · 26/08/2024 10:08

MamaNell · 26/08/2024 10:06

I would stop ear-wigging on other people's conversations and then judging them. You don't know them or any of the back story.

What was OP's judgement?

MiddleParking · 26/08/2024 10:08

Unless you’re actually one of the friends and this is just a variation on the ‘person A/person B’ style of post, posting this is an incredibly weird thing to do.

HolyPeaches · 26/08/2024 10:08

Im not a big drinker, but I would never leave my friends in a state alone.

I would have jumped out at the first stop where friend E got off to be sick and dragged friend A with me.

Sethera · 26/08/2024 10:09

I think all three should have stuck together.

SevenSummer · 26/08/2024 10:09

I would no longer be friends with birthday girl or give her a wide berth in future. She has shown her true colours. Friend A did all she could and should be allowed to have a drink, couldn’t have foreseen friend E’s behaviour. Friend E would also be given a wide berth as they are a liability and are responsible for themselves, if drinking that heavily makes them ill they should know their limits and not put their friends or others in that situation after what should have been a good night.

NatalieIsFreezing · 26/08/2024 10:09

I would have been pissed off but if I knew they were both smashed I would've gone with friend A to help sort out E. Then bollocked them later.

Also depends how late it was, how easy it is to get on and off train with tickets, how well I/they know the area etc.

FrothyCothy · 26/08/2024 10:10

I would probably have gritted my teeth and stuck with friend but if that resulted in missing the last train home I’d be hopping mad.

dudsville · 26/08/2024 10:11

I wonder if this kind of scenario is used in ethics classes nowadays, replacing the old one of a train going down one of two tracks, one has a baby, the other a family, what do you do, or some such.

TequilaNights · 26/08/2024 10:11

All 3 should have stuck together, especially with friend E who is impaired and can be taken advantage of, or end up in a dangerous situation.

NatalieIsFreezing · 26/08/2024 10:11

MiddleParking · 26/08/2024 10:08

Unless you’re actually one of the friends and this is just a variation on the ‘person A/person B’ style of post, posting this is an incredibly weird thing to do.

OP posted about a stranger's situation in Mumsnet. As you have done. What's the weird part?

FuckThePoPo · 26/08/2024 10:13

really? Are you friend E?

HelenWheels · 26/08/2024 10:13

no idea
daft getting off at the next stop surely.

Tbskejue · 26/08/2024 10:14

I wouldn’t have abandoned them; if I had a friend who has a habit of doing those things I wouldn’t out myself in the position and if a friend accidentally got much drunker than they meant to I’d give them the help I’d want from them.

LlynTegid · 26/08/2024 10:14

I think it would depend on the train and how often it ran to be honest, also how easy it would be to get help.

HelenWheels · 26/08/2024 10:17

ther e was a similar scenario when i was on the train recently, no alcohol AFAIK, just missing purse as far as i could gather.
very curious
i think someone got off but there was a lot of texting and chat about it all

OMGitsnotgood · 26/08/2024 10:17

I would stop ear-wigging on other people's conversations and then judging them. You don't know them or any of the back story.

If you've ever been on a train then you'll know you cannot help but overhear conversations. I don't read any judgment in the OP, rather a pondering of what she would have done and asking us for input.

I agree we don't know the back story so that may well have changed the decisions they made.

That said, I don't think it's ever ok to abandon someone when they are that drunk, no matter what age they are.

Stopandlook · 26/08/2024 10:17

I’d be worried sick and couldn’t go home. What a nightmare though - too old to be getting in that kind of state.

Changingplace · 26/08/2024 10:18

I had a friend once who would pull this kind of shit regularly, it becomes utterly maddening to have every night out ruined by someone getting shitfaced and needing babysitting.

What could actually be done if the phone wasn’t being answered? Yes people technically should stay together but I can also completely see a scenario where I’d think fuck this and get the train home rather than be stranded as well.

Why should the sober person be the only one that has to have their night ruined, I’d bet this wasn’t the first time this kind of nonsense had happened.

MiddleParking · 26/08/2024 10:20

NatalieIsFreezing · 26/08/2024 10:11

OP posted about a stranger's situation in Mumsnet. As you have done. What's the weird part?

Show quote history

Listening to the detail of someone’s very identifiable conversation on the train then posting about it framing it as a “moral dilemma”, obviously. Maybe none of the women would have wanted it discussed on a populous internet forum (which is extremely different to a train). Plus it’s interesting that OP has allocated specific initials (rather than A and B) to the two friends and specifies what age bracket she ‘easily’ knew them to be when she only saw one of them.

Ponoka7 · 26/08/2024 10:21

They should have stayed together. However if they were trying to get friend E to slow down her drinking etc and she ignored them. Woke up and had another drink and I needed to get back, I'd have done as she has. My DD (29) drinks too much, she can't drink much and I've warned her that her friends will get sick of babysitting her.

Redegg · 26/08/2024 10:23

Just out of interest, why is this second friend E and not B?

Other than that, I’d either mind my own business or open it up to the whole carriage for discussion.

Inkyblue123 · 26/08/2024 10:23

I had a friend for years who was constantly getting blind drunk and mardy. Many a night I’ve had to fight to get her in a cab. I’m the end I just stopped going out with her, bower to would never leave a women blind drunk alone. I have left several male friends though.

Boxoo · 26/08/2024 10:23

I agree with the people saying it depends how often this kind of thing happens. Unless you know the back story is difficult to judge.
I have a friend who gets in those states a lot. I spent many a time getting off trains (so missing the last trains home), spending hundreds on cabs to get us both home and paying for extra when she puked in them. The final time she done it I "left her" with another friend at a train station and I went home. I have never been out drinking with her since. I was also called lots of bad things by the other friend who had to look after her. I don't really care. I'd done my time babysitting her. I think she was just annoyed it was her this time that had to pay for the cab home. The actual friend wasn't annoyed in the slightest though. She found it funny. She'd happily carry on going out with me. But I won't anymore.

redalex261 · 26/08/2024 10:26

In general I would say stick together (and have done so) - don’t abandon someone in a state as they are vulnerable. I have been all three of these friends at least once, so have all the members of my friend group! BUT if Friend E was always getting into such a bad nick I may be tempted to stay on the train and would seriously consider not going out with her again.