Moral dilemma. What would you do?

[Halftheworldawayy]

On the train back from London I overheard the conversation of the woman sat next to me.

It was her birthday and her and two friends (friend A and E) had gone to Magic Mike. Friend E had got so drunk that she fell asleep in the bar at Magic Mike and had almost got them kicked out. They went out for more drinks after the show and both friends were hammered.

They got on the underground to go home, Friend E jumped off at a random stop to be sick, Friend A jumped off at a next stop to find her. Birthday girl (not hammered) stayed on the tube all the way to the train station.

When birthday girl got to the station neither friend was there so she gets on the train to go home. Friend A keeps ringing her in tears saying she can’t find Friend E and birthday girl tells her to leave her and get the train as Friend E will eventually sober up and get the train herself.

They also both kept trying to call Friend E and it was going to voicemail.

Birthday girl felt no guilt at all about leaving her friends and repeatedly said “they needed to man up” “handle their drink better”. I do agree to a point as these women were easily late 30s/early 40s and I get how frustrating it is as a grown adult to babysit drunk adults. But I’m not sure I would have abandoned both friends.

even if was bday girl and cheesed off at the ending of the night there’s no way I would have left any friend alone in that state. We’ve all been there at some point in our lives (well, most of us). Just take care of each other whilst out - isn’t it unwritten girl code?

I got the impression Friend A made it to St Pancras but they kept having the same conversation of birthday girl telling her to just get on the next train and Friend E will eventually sober up and also get a train home.

Will never know what happened to A or E.

It depends. At the ripe age of late 30s early 40s, I wouldn't expect my friends to get that kind of drunk, especially on my birthday. Secondly, who knows what birthday girl has planned tomorrow, she might need to get home and not have 3 hours to fuck about finding another grown woman who decided to jump off the train without battery and leaving her friends. Sounds like the night hadn't gone to plan but this also might be the one night birthday girl gets off to enjoy herself and she's already planning her cup of tea and jumping in bed. These friends might do this stuff all the time and it gets tedious. I may have got off myself but I also might not have depending on context. Certainly wouldn't judge

This - and then probably not stay friends with them again after this. Can't be doing with that kind of drunken drama

I wouldn't get so drunk that I'm passing out at someone else's birthday celebration, then drink more so I had fo randomly jump off the train to be sick.

Wait, who am I supposed to imagine I am in this scenario?

I got involved in this sort of situation 30 years ago - before mobile phones.

My wife and were taking a break in London and we met up with an old school friend of mine for a drink in Hammersmith.

We got a late tube back to central London and all of a sudden my friend - who was very drunk - just got up and got off at a random station before we could say or do anything. (We were pretty drunk too...)

We got off at the next station and went back to the one he got off at. No sign of him in the station, no sign outside either. By the time we'd finished looking for him the last tube had gone and the station was closing.

We were stranded and ended up paying a fortune to get back by taxi.

It turned out that he'd felt like he was about to throw up on the train and got off without saying anything. No sooner had he got off the train than he immeditely felt better, so he got back on the next train and our paths crossed between the two stations!

Granted a 20 - 30 year old drunken male on his own is not as vulnerable as a woman, but I'm not sure that there is a right thing to do in a situation like this. Anything you do might make things worse. It's like the train conundrum facing Sherlock Holmes in "The Final Problem". Should he get off the train or shouldn't he?

I think the only thing that the two (more?) sober friends could have done was to stop it happening in the first place by holding on to (ie restraining) their drunk friend while they were on the train and physically prevent her from getting off. If she throws up on the train or all over herself that's what happens...

(Years of experience have taught me to carry a small pedal bin liner or similar along with me for exactly this situation)

I am tired of looking after drunk people. We aren't 19 anymore. Learn your limits and don't get so trashed you are throwing up on train rides and disappearing from the group.

I won't be friends with people like that anymore and I won't ruin my days/nights caring for people.

This is all entirely in their (the drunks) control and it's bloody annoying.

A once in a blue moon situation I would be okay, but more than that is friendship ending for me.
I imagine this woman's friends are probably at their limit also.

I would never leave a friend who is off her head drunk alone. I didn't do it when I was a teenager / through my 20s when it was totally socially acceptable to gert shitfaced, and I wouldn't do it now in my 40s, albeit the chances are slim as none of my friends or I ever drink much anymore.

In this situation I would have jumped off the train at the first opportunity and gone back to find her. I also wouldn't be leaving London until I had succeeded, even if I had to call on Underground staff, police, etc.

I might also be rethinking the friendship if this was typical behaviour, but that could be thought over once the pain the ass friend was home safe in her own bed.

As one of them was so drunk during the show, had I been the one having the birthday I would’ve gone home after the show and not gone on to a bar. It was only going to get messy and the two who enjoyed that kind of mess could’ve looked after each other

Regardless of any back story, you don’t abandon your friends. You asked for opinions, you’re getting opinions. All hypothetical. Anyone having a go at you OP should just scroll on by.

Jesus Christ, what do you reasonably expect OP to do ffs... lop her own ears off so she can't overhear any conversation at all EVER or wear ear-defenders on the tube and constantly get funny looks?

It's not a moral dilemma.

There's nothing moral or otherwise about adults getting so pissed they seemingly can't function and would rely on other adults that are friends with them to protect them.

It might be a friendship dilemma but it's not a moral one.

I would have got off at the same stop as Friend E in the first place. Hopefully lso with Friend A. But maybe Friend E has form for this and they are fed up. Long term, I would not socialise with either of them again as it would be stressful and embarrassing and not an enjoyable evening at all.

I’d never get into a state where friends were in dager of being thrown out of a venue because I was falling asleep. I also would drink so much that I had to leave my friend group to be sick.

Trying to find E would only make matters worse. Either you all get out with her to be sick (in fairness they might not have had the time to react to this) or you go to your planned destination and send messages/try to get in contact. You cannot and will not find her if you're all going up and down the tube system separately in various states of drunkenness.

If E got out at the station she wanted to be sick at, you won't find her. The likelihood is she got back on the next tube, fell asleep and could have ended up anywhere from St Pancras to Cockfosters. The tube at 8pm is not the worst place to do that, to be honest; it's a common occurrence and it's not too late.

Yes it is.

So in this scenario it sounds like maybe friend E jumped off the train quite quickly if friend A didn't get off with her and got off at the next stop. It seems to me that the birthday girl might have a hard time finding either of them - she doesn't know if, for example friend E got on the next train or A went back a stop - which could mean they miss each other. If I were the birthday girl I think I might wait for them both for a bit when I got off at the destination, try and ring them both. But not sure what she could realistically do otherwise to find 2 drunk people who got off the train at random stops without agreeing where to meet.

Trying to find E would only make matters worse. Either you all get out with her to be sick (in fairness they might not have had the time to react to this) or you go to your planned destination and send messages/try to get in contact. You cannot and will not find her if you're all going up and down the tube system separately in various states of drunkenness

I agree with this. Trying to find E in a crowded tube station in London when she could be literally anywhere and probably jumped on the next train back anyway is pointless. Especially when both of the other two had been drinking as well. It would be like trying to find a needle in haystack.

What happens when she's not there? you go to every tube station in London?

It's likely she jumped off so quickly they didnt have a chance to react. The only thing you can do in that scenario is try to contact her and/or contact her next of kin to make them aware. But roaming around London in a drunk state looking for one person in huge crowds of people is going to get you nowhere

It depends on past behaviour. A one off / rare occurance and I'd help no question. However, I previously worked with 3 women (early 40s) who would get wasted at every single social event (frequent - nigh on weekly). Both lived miles away from the office and had long train journeys back. They'd get so wasted they were incoherent/could barely stand (on one occasion one fell asleep with her face in her plate of food) - no one else we were with was in that state. Having regularly helped get them home (they lived nowhere near me) I reached the point where I said fuck it they're on their own. They knew what they were doing and banked on idiots like me to put themselves out.

I don't drink at all (I also don't really go out much, but moving on), so it is/was always on me to make sure everyone was okay.

And I did/do, however annoying/tiring/infuriating it is, because you don't leave a woman - especially a so-drunk-she-could-barely-stay-awake woman - on her own.

And then you don't go out with those people again, because it causes too many headaches having to be the responsible one every time so that others can do what they like, knowing you'll make sure they're okay.

So in this scenario, I'd have got off the tube when sick-friend got off and dragged non-sick-friend with me, then we'd have got the next train together to St. Pancras (or wherever). They'd have got a bollocking for being so monumentally stupid, but I wouldn't have left them alone.

It is a moral dilemma though - the dilemma of when does/should self-interest take over the interest of the group (which is essentially what birthday girl was saying when she left the drunk friends).

This sounds fairly judgmental to me:
Birthday girl felt no guilt at all about leaving her friends and repeatedly said “they needed to man up” “handle their drink better”. I do agree to a point as these women were easily late 30s/early 40s and I get how frustrating it is as a grown adult to babysit drunk adults. But I’m not sure I would have abandoned both friends.

Having worked in a tube station for many, many years (LU staff) I have dealt with countless lone, drunk females. I’ve also worked in pubs too. 99% of the drunk lone women were absolute arseholes! I could totally see why they’d been ditched by their ‘mates’ I used to think omg how could her friends leave her. One of them tried to rob me while I was taking her to the toilet - another one spat at me - and all because I tried to help! So many other stories I could start a thread!
Men were like it too, of course, and also gross in other ways - pervy, trying to get you to kiss them, and then when you refuse they start throwing abuse.

Moral of the story - don’t work for LU 😂

I would never leave the friend so would definitely get off at the same stop - I would then think carefully about future outings though.
Right now these are the kinds of scenarios I am talking to my older teen son about. He knows to never leave someone behind if they are incapacitated.
Bet people would judge more if it were a man leaving a woman - but it is the same thing essentially.
Spiking is getting endemic in some areas too.
The friend who left the other two could not possibly believe they would be able to catch her up at the main station. She sounds like she was enjoying loudly sharing the drama and didn’t want to look bad but couldn’t actually really care less about the safety of her friends.

I think I would have got off with friend A so that we could get the train back to the station friend E got off at and look for her. But if we couldn’t find her at the station and she wasn’t answering her phone, I would probably have headed to the St Pancras hoping to meet up there. I don’t know that searching te streets for someone who could easily have got back on the tube is a sensible thing to do. Especially if it might leave you stranded in London. There is only so much you can do if one of your friends splits off like that.

And if this wasn’t completely and utterly out of character for E, I would never go out with her again.

Anyone who has a loud phone conversation on a train is fair game for the rest of the carriage. The caller’s basically shouting at them, so if people listen, comment & discuss it with their friends or on internet forums, that’s the caller’s own fault.