Moral dilemma. What would you do?

[Halftheworldawayy]

On the train back from London I overheard the conversation of the woman sat next to me.

It was her birthday and her and two friends (friend A and E) had gone to Magic Mike. Friend E had got so drunk that she fell asleep in the bar at Magic Mike and had almost got them kicked out. They went out for more drinks after the show and both friends were hammered.

They got on the underground to go home, Friend E jumped off at a random stop to be sick, Friend A jumped off at a next stop to find her. Birthday girl (not hammered) stayed on the tube all the way to the train station.

When birthday girl got to the station neither friend was there so she gets on the train to go home. Friend A keeps ringing her in tears saying she can’t find Friend E and birthday girl tells her to leave her and get the train as Friend E will eventually sober up and get the train herself.

They also both kept trying to call Friend E and it was going to voicemail.

Birthday girl felt no guilt at all about leaving her friends and repeatedly said “they needed to man up” “handle their drink better”. I do agree to a point as these women were easily late 30s/early 40s and I get how frustrating it is as a grown adult to babysit drunk adults. But I’m not sure I would have abandoned both friends.

The one who was sick and not answering her phone could have had her drink spiked.
Some lads do it to older women for a laugh.
Most women in their 30/40s know their limits, so it is very unusual for a woman of that maturity to have gotten hammered to point of passing out and sick.

I'd have sat there thinking "these women are old enough to sort themselves out."

Honestly, you hear the strangest conversations on trains. Last summer, I was also on my way back out of London, and a M/F couple in the mid-late 20s were sat behind me. He was absolutely BERATING her because his football team lost, and she was having a go at him because apparently he slept with her friend?! Utterly bizarre. They got off together at their station in the end, but it made me reflect on how complicated other peoples lives seem to be!

I wouldn’t have gotten the train without my friends, I was raped in a situation where I was out with a group of people and we all got separated leaving me to make my own way home. I can be a bit neurotic now when I’m out about making sure nobody is splitting off from the group and would have found it super stressful to be in the position of Friend A where one friend is missing and the other is trying to get the train back home on her own. There’s safety in numbers and I think Birthday Girl should have stuck with Friend A and they should have both gotten off at the next stop and gotten the tube back to the station where Friend A got off asap. I do totally agree it is annoying having to babysit friends who are far too drunk, it would be reasonable for Birthday Girl to be furious in a situation where she ended up missing her train and never go out drinking with those friends again but I still think friends shouldn’t leave other friends on their own when drink is involved.

I'd have been livid with them for ruining my night but no way I'd have left them really hammered on their own. Anything could happen if she's drunk, vulnerable, lost and alone. I understand fully why you'd be frustrated if it was a regular occurrence but if it kept happening then I'd only be seeing friend E in settings that don't involve alcohol so I wouldn't be in that situation again anyway.

I've been the person 'E' before, maybe only once and luckily never found myself in this predicament. Sometimes you misjudge how much you're drinking or you've not had enough to eat beforehand etc. It happens and doesn't make you a bad person, especially if it only happens once or twice. I've also been the person looking after the shitfaced one and yes, you should make sure they're ok. Admittedly if someone is doing it ALL the time then it would become very wearing. Ultimately, if you're out with someone who becomes paralytic then yes, don't leave them alone.

I'm not sure what my reaction would have been.

By that age, bar the person having been spiked, at what point should I become responsible for another person's actions (ie, the aftermath of them getting themselves blind drunk). I'd argue that getting that drunk at someone else's birthday quite selfish since the birthday person was effectively abandoned by her friends on the train as a result.

All considered, I'd probably have gone about finding my drunk friends, for their own safety, but by the time we got home, they wouldn't be friends anymore.

My perspective is that they are all too blame.

One got too drunk and randomly got off the tube.

The other one appears (from a third hand report of an overheard phone call) to have also randomly got off the tube.

The other one didn't hang around and went home.

In my opinion the soberest two should have stuck together to look for drunk friend. If I had been the one left in the tube I wouldn't have got on the train home. I would have gone to the mainline station, where I was supposed to be going, and where the other two would eventually have to end up, and I would have got a coffee, stayed put and tried to contact them from there.

I don't think it's that unusual these days. The friend I mentioned upthread who I stopped going out with was 35 when I'd finally had enough of her. From what I hear she's still the same Mid 40s.
I have another friend of a friend who claims she's been spiked at least 5 times. She hasn't. She's just always got so drunk. It's funny how on nights out its always her who gets "spiked" and coincidentally her who drinks the most.
Another friend claimed she was spiked years ago. But another friend was at the hospital with her. The drug test came back negative to all known spiking agents. They said just alcohol. But over 20 years later she still talks about that time she was "spiked".
I think if you've ever been to a take that concert or similar you'd be surprised at how many women 40+ get drunk as skunks puking and passing out.

Not quite following the logistics of tubes and trains here, but when it comes to a woman's safety there is no dilemma, moral or otherwise. You have to do all you can to make sure they're OK. Then you give them one more chance not to put you in that position again. If they do do it again you don't go out with them again when they'll be drinking.

This.
number one rule of nights out.
stay together

reconsidering friendships/ future plans can be done later.

Ah, the trolley problem. It turns out that a very large number of ethical questions can be reduced to that.

Maybe this story could lead to a mashup. If you pull the lever then E throws up on a baby but if you don't she throws up on David Attenborough.

I don’t know, They were at Magic Mike when the friend was falling asleep afterwards in the theatre bar, so it’s going to be predominantly a female audience. Seems less likely to be spiked there than a random bar.

Also I’m in my 30s and definitely don’t want to be referred to as “an older woman” 👵🏻

This is far too complicated. Keep it simple in future. Your life will be easier.

Ideally you'd try to stop the first one getting off the tube. Seems weird that they didn't. But yes stick together - the second two should've got off together to go back. Hopefully friend was just sitting on the platform waiting. But I'd only put up with this behaviour once. You only get that bladdered if you're totally confident that your friends will look after you. But you shouldn't put them in that position. What if no one is the sensible one? It's different if you can stagger home or sleep on the sofa.

This really. And then using it as a "moral dilemma" to discuss on mumsnet.

Ear-wigging is one of life’s little pleasures, fortunately it’s entirely free.
Much better than TV, it’s free. Love it
😉😁😁😁.

No it is a bit confusing. From what I gathered they all got on the tube and one of them said she was going to be sick, demanded a paper bag, no one had one and she jumped off at whatever the next stop was. Birthday girl even said “I wasn’t jumping off after her”

For whatever reason the next friend got off at the next stop. Assuming this was to find the friend? She was also drunk so probably not thinking logically

Birthday woman got to St Pancras, made the assumption both friends would be there too, they weren’t. She tried to call but neither answered (guess maybe they were still on the tube so had no signal) and birthday woman just got on the next train home.

She was clearly pissed off with how they had both acted and wanted to go home. But I don’t know the background so no idea whether her friends getting shitfaced every time they go out is the standard.

I’d have probably got off the tube with friend A and attempted to find E together. If we failed I’d have called her husband or whomever is waiting at home for her (if someone is) and let them know she’d got off tube and couldn’t find her and then got the train home with E. what else could they do?

This. Doesn't really matter how old the women are, someone so drunk they're vomiting is vulnerable, and unfortunately being female makes her more so, adding in risk of assault/rape to general risk of falling/choking etc
Even if i was really pee'd off they were so drunk, i wouldn't leave a friend in those circs

Fair enough if not that unusual these days.

Alcohol is the #1 spiking agent used. It’s far more common than spiking with illegal drugs. It’s why spiking is defined as “adding alcohol or drugs” to a person’s drink. Spiking with alcohol can make your usual drink equivalent to 4-5 drinks.

That sounds like they could have all got off to allow E to be sick. I’d have done that and stuck together.
she can’t have been totally incapacitated if she could determine not to just be randomly sick.

Tough luck on E. She jumped off the tube leaving the others behind, without a phone there’s no way for the others to find her.

She might have hopped back on the next tube, she might have left the tube station to buy some water, she might have done something else entirely.

Two more (probably rather pissed) women roaming around trying to find her in Central London isn’t going to help.

Had E not left the train suddenly, yes, I’d say they should stick together. But E made that impossible.

Well you are older than an 18/20 something year old and presumably not as naive.

Im in my 50s, and you will always be a younger woman to me, but to the 22yr old clubbing, you’re at the older end. There is also a recent trend of young misogynist lads targeting women in your age bracket for a laugh as opposed to targeting a 19yr old for eventual rape.

So if I was birthday girl I would stay at the train station for the next train to get in, giving A and E time to get there.

In fact it this only 8pm then I would be prepared to wait until the last train home but no longer.

I think A was foolish to jump off the tube - it is most likely that E got on the next tube after being sick and so would not be there. She has made the situation worse not better.

I would text/voicemail E to say - waiting at X station on platform Q

I would ring A and advise to come to the train station.

I think this is the most likely scenario to get everyone back together.

A has likely missed E in the journey back to the previous stop and is now looking pointlessly in the wrong place.

If the tube is in a tunnel the phone won't connect but a message will get through after - so E should know what is happening.

I would go and have a look at the tube entrance to the mainline station to see if I could see E staggering about.