To think he should have mentioned having a child even if didn't raise her?

[Laylabee]

I'll start with context, I'm 37, I have 2 children with my ex husband who are 6 and 4, I've been divorced two years.
About 6 months ago I started seeing a man, he's older than I am (49). He told me he has no children, I remember specifically asking. He was married for 15 years but they divorced 4 years ago.
I am 12 weeks pregnant with his child, totally unexpected. I was on the pill, so never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen. I won't terminate the pregnancy and he has agreed to be supportive and involved.

Last night (bear in mind we are 6 months in) he said I need to talk to you about something. This is when he told me has a daughter, she's 22 in a week. Her mother was a student from France when she was born, neither of them really raised her. 0-4 her mothers parents raised her, then 4-8 she lived with his parents and went to school here, then she started weekly boarding at 8 and full boarding at 11. Weekends and short breaks with his parents, long breaks in France with her mother's family. Her mother passed away when she was 15.
She now is at uni and lives with his aunt in London.
She doesn't call him dad never has but he does provide her with money every month, has always paid her school fees etc.

Now I feel quite flabbergasted that he never told me. He said it never seems relevant as he didn't raise her and she doesn't view him as a dad.

AIBU to think this is a red flag? I don't know what to do now!

This. Pregnant with a low life just two years after your children have gone through a divorce. Please do better by your children.

This is very tricky. Even if he were the greatest guy on earth, a new sibling and a stepfather even you barely know is going to be a lot for your children to adapt to. Is the idea that he moves in with you?

It sounds like your children have been through a lot of change recently so I would think very carefully before upending their lives yet again. Especially for the sake of this man who comes with a lot of issues of his own.

@BellesAndGraces What makes you think OP's unborn child isn't also living?

So you think it’s acceptable to introduce children to a partner of 6 months??

Her existing kids have more life in them than a 12 week old foetus.

Not ideal all round really. He's a shitter than shit parent, and you're pregnant 18 months after your divorce.

Yet another one of these situations where the woman gets herself into a mess with a basket case of a bloke. Yes he is to blame but you've only known him 6 months and unless you're in a committed partnership with a view of spending the foreseeable together then I don't see why he had to tell you.

What a shit father though. He's not a dad, he doesn't deserve that title. Poor girl, I hope she's at peace now.

Her living children rather than a foetus which can't survive outside the womb and was created by accident, far too early in a bad relationship.

It's just as much a woman's choice to NOT terminate a pregnancy as it is her right to be able to. Some of you could do with reflecting on if you'd chastise a woman so much into keeping a pregnancy she wanted to abort. Neither is okay. It's HER body. It's HER choice.

Um a 12 week old fetus is very much alive. It's just not born yet.

I imagine that’s why pp said “more”.

Of course there’s a difference between a foetus and actual born children.

The only difference is one hasn't been born. You can't be more alive. It's not possible. You are either alive or you are not.

So you got pregnant after 12 weeks of dating. This man you barely knew should have been wearing a condom.

Contraceptive pill failure, who knew that could happen 🙃.

But at least you know up front that he’s shit father material, silver linings.

agree with this 100%

That was a much too deep and personal thing to disclose at the very beginning! I completely understand him avoiding it.

Obviously not the standard father/daughter situ so where would he even have began explaining that to a stranger?

I think he’s disclosed it at the right time to be honest

I can’t believe the hysterical responses here.

After 4 pregnancies I can tell you that in my experience there is no difference.

It's your child whether it's in the womb or out.

Which ones are hysterical? What isn't hysterical is the situation. What a shit show.

This is so suspiciously similar to my story that I wonder if we're seeing the same man.
Only mine turned out to be 59 and not 49 as he told me, and has 5 children from different mothers when I knew only about one.

He may have changed??? Then why does he still not have a relationship with his daughter and still lies about her existence?! FFS, no wonder so many women end up with total dickheads.

OP, this man is a shit father and a liar, I’d take his claims of financial support with a pinch of salt too. He’s a terrible person, and you think he’s a good choice to have a baby with and bring into your kids lives? I hope you’re ready to do all of this alone.

Because we should all be totally accepting of men who abandon their kids and lie about their existence for some reason?

The OP isn't coming back it's been days. I don't blame her.

There’s several differences.

A foetus at that stage can’t survive without the mothers body
A foetus isn’t legally a child
etc

In my experience, there is a difference.

It doesn’t matter whether you have 4 kids or not, the key point here is that it sounds like you would never have an abortion. Clearly, there are plenty of people, including myself, who would in certain circumstances. And I say that as someone who also has children 🙄