To not have apologised to people near us about my toddler's behaviour on plane ?

[yellowandredcar]

My toddler was just a bit fed up of travelling not silently sitting on the plane. She was a bit loud and excited at times. At times we had to keep telling her to sit down as she tried to stand on her seat. There were many other kids making noise too. We did our very best to keep her quiet and keep her happy. She cried occasionally and occasionally made some noise. It wasn't excessive but the amount you'd expect when there's a small child on a plane.

I noticed people looking and didn't feel like apologising because it was nothing extreme and also she wasn't encroaching on their space.

The man in front of me reclined his seat immediately before we even took off. So I didn't think he deserved any kind of apology about my kids making some noise occasionally.

Also, we were doing our best. We were not ignoring our children or allowing bad behaviour. So I don't see what I need to apologise for. I just ignored the looks but felt like they may have expected an apology. I could be wrong of course.

I have apologised in the past for my kids. If they've kicked the seat in front of it they walk into someone's path etc. but I don't think it's necessary to apologise for children not being silent for a couple of hour flight.

Would you just always apologise because you have a child with you who's made a noise ?

Long haul is completely different to short haul. Of course people need to recline on a very long flight and the seats generally also have more space on long haul so it's not so invasive if someone reclines their seat in front of you.

Apologies can be a good way to smooth over irritations and let others know you are conscious that children on a flight can be disruptive. It can just be a way of showing others you are considerate. It doesn’t always need to be an admission of wrongdoing. I like the old fashioned way of apologising as a form of manners. I doubt you owed anyone an apology but it may have been a nice thing to do.

Whenever I'm sat near a noisy child that's not mine, I just think "Thank God that one's not my responsibility" and nothing else.

Guilt and worry useless time-wasting activity.

I know what you're saying and I do normally do that if my kids are going absolutely wild and actually being disruptive. I didn't feel that was the case this time to be honest.

Honestly the guy in front also fucked me off and I wasn't gonna to apologise to him at all for what he did. My kids weren't kicking the seats in front though or anything like that. But I don't care if they did bother him because he was clearly being a dick himself.

The only people looking were a young couple seated on the other side of the same row and I just didn't care to apologise because we weren't in their space anyway. It was just the noise at times and we tried our best to keep it down. The kids slept most of the flight anyway.

There was another child being loud further up, for the entire flight. What can you do. It is what it is.

Airplane travel is so antiquated and barbaric really.

I think it’s more about the parent’s attitude and manner than the small child’s behaviour.
#1 Small child is bored on a plane, wants to walk around, bit loud at times but parent takes child to the loo, reads them a story, plays I Spy, whatever. I’m more inclined to have sympathy with that parent. They’re trying, it’s tiring.
#2. Small child bored on a plane, parent lets child run around, climb on seat, maybe lean over seat into my space, child a bit loud parent ignores them or mildly suggests they sit down but takes it no further than that then no I think that parent is lazy and should be parenting their child better.
Sounds like you were more #1

Yeah, this. I also used to bring headphones for this reason. The less noise I hear, the less annoyed I am. Unless children kick seats and their parents do fuck all about it.

Sorry, I posted that before I read your other posts.

Why didn't you tell him to put his seat up? I would when taking off. It seems dangerous.

But you're using other people's bad behaviour to justify why you didn't apologise for your child's behaviour.

In fairness, if I'd been a fellow passenger sitting near you I wouldn't have expected an apology but I would expect you to control your own child on a flight.

Thanks I was worrying I was being an asshat this whole time, but I only fly long haul. The last flight I was on there was a couple seated in front…she had her chair non-reclined the entire flight! I was amazed. The man however kept his reclined even during meal services and kept having to be told to put his chair up 🙄 They were snogging half the flight as well but that’s another story…

This is so true

Kids are noisy, it's fair enough people have different tolerance levels for noise. but if people are really bothered by loud kids they may want to invest in noise cancelling headphones.

This.

Good manners cost nothing. And an apology would show more that you appreciate the disruption being caused (even if that might be somewhat normal for a young child).

Those around you may have been more accepting had you shown that small level of consideration.

I think we possibly over correct our kids in public sometimes. When I see other families, they seem more relaxed and not in a bad way. Just they let their kids wander around more etc. I'm very anxious so I am always holding onto their hands etc and trying to get them to stand near me / be quiet / behave. We do let them blow off steam but only in appropriate / safe areas.

I'm anxious, maybe it rubs off on them. Lots of things to consider after the holiday.

So, if:

• no one looked or cared
• kid was fine
• you and dh did your best

Then put it to the back of your mind and move on with your day :-)

I’m not really sure why you’ve made a whole post based on 2 people looking at you on a flight??

But your noise was "in their space' and clearly disturbing them. It would have been the polite and nice thing to have done to have mouthed an apology in recognition of this.

I'm really not sure why you wouldn't.

I wouldn't be that parent who insists that their children are seen but not heard in public places. Yes, don't let them run riot and teach them to be considerate of others, but they are entitled to take up space in public places.

My mother was that parent and it did nothing for our confidence. We weren't even allowed to talk if she thought our children's chatter would annoy other adults and spent a lot of time sitting in absolute silence. We were viewed as very "well-behaved" children 🙄.

@BlueSkyBeing I just didn't think they deserved an apology for the noise that was made. Had it been worse, then yes.

To be honest I’m terrified of flying and there was a toddler being an absolute little shit in front of me, screaming standing up you name it, the whole time. Feeble parents mumbled at him to behave once in a while which did fuck all. However it was an amazing distraction for me and I managed to get through the flight without being a nervous wreck due to not being able to think clearly 😂! Next time time you and your toddler can sit in front of me😁

"Airplane travel is so antiquated and barbaric really"

What on earth do you mean by this? Airplane travel gets large numbers of people from A to B as quickly and safely as possible. That's what it's designed to do.

I think if you are aware that your toddler is noisy and behaving badly then it's more than likely they irritated everyone around then on the plane.

Deliberately ignoring this fact and not having the grace to acknowledge it and make a token apology makes you really rude. What would it have cost you to say, 'Sorry folks. I know she's noisy but she's 2 and bored. We're doing our best here'.

You've posted on here - and are now justifying why you didn't apologise, pretending that you are just overthinking it, but plenty of people have disagreed with you.

This. Every flight I’ve ever bern in, the attendants walk up the aisle to check seatbelts are on and seats in the upright position. It’s a huge safety fail if they aren’t.

To me, reading your op, I’d say your kids were being excessive/disruptive/loud. What you think is not much noise, and what others think is not much noise can be very different. You also filter out/get used to your own kids’ noise naturally as a parent, but other people can’t do that towards your kids.

If you genuinely thought your kids were fine then you wouldn’t be here making this thread.

🤷🏻‍♀️

But if you feel that way then why ask here? You don't think you were unreasonable.

Regarding the safety aspect, let's face it, if you crash during take off your chances of getting out are pretty much nil anyway, whether or not the person in front has reclined their seat.

I always get someone in front of me who reclines their seat as soon as possible and someone behind who won't let me recline mine. But then I always get hemmed in by some huge person as well. I have got an 11 your flight this week and absolutely dreading it. Noisy kids, although irritating, are the least of my worries.

There’s a special place in hell for people who recline their seats short haul. Everyone knows it’s a no-no.

If the passenger had indeed reclined his seat before takeoff he would have been told to put it back by the cabin crew, seats have to be upright for takeoff.

The OP’s child should have been well occupied during the flight, occasional noise is ok but an unoccupied toddler yelling and jumping around is not ok. If this means screen/headphones, so be it. Flights are/were the one time we allowed our kids unfettered access to screens (not meals, half hour a day max at home etc). The other place in hell is reserved for people who don’t put max efforts into occupying their children on planes/trains!