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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I specifically said not to shave his head and that's what he comes home like..

154 replies

MNADFYUWISH · 23/08/2024 16:45

We aren't in a good place relationship-wise so for that reason I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable and just intolerant, or whether anybody else would be pissed off aswell.

DS (almost 7 and autistic) goes to the barbers once every three months or so. It isn't cheap these days. He does sit still before anybody suggests that may be the reason for this today.

Today he was taken by his dad. I said to get a short back and sides and to leave some length on the top because DS likes to do 'Bart Simpson' hair and spike it all up.

I was very insistent about how he should not have him get a buzz cut (razor all over, very short with very very little hair left - he knows exactly what it is)

Previously, he has returned home with one of these cuts and it looked bloody awful. It doesn't suit him and quite frankly I could do it myself at home. We're going on holiday this week and I always take lots of photos. I just wanted the kids to look nice.

Guess what he came back like? Practically BALD!

Lots of stuttering from DP about how he doesn't know why he did that as he told him not to shave the top, he claims.

The long and the short of it is he just stood there and watched him get the very thing I said I didn't want him to have because he felt too awkward stopping the barber and saying no, we don't want that, we don't want a buzz cut. Nor did he mention anything afterwards despite knowing I wouldn't be happy.

He'd rather have a row with me than speak up about anything, to anyone. He's the sort or person who stands somewhere for 5+ long minutes waiting for somebody to move, even when hes running late or he's holding the rest of us up, because he feels 'too awkward' to say excuse me.

As I said, we're not in a good place atm and have much bigger problems than this. I won't go into it all and colour your view but I'll just say this, the usual shit that brings women to these forums to offload.

This feels a bit like the straw that broke the camels back.

Am I being unreasonable to be so annoyed about this in particular?

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 23/08/2024 16:47

It’ll soon grow. Next time, perhaps better to take him yourself.🙂

sunsetsandboardwalks · 23/08/2024 16:48

In the grand scheme of things, it's just hair. Try not to worry about it.

I do get why you're upset though - he should have listened to you.

Comedycook · 23/08/2024 16:50

What did your ds want?

Wahine24 · 23/08/2024 16:50

It's hair, it will grow
Don't show your son you are upset /cross
Either you take him on future or to write a note if partner is to dim to speak up

ThinWomansBrain · 23/08/2024 16:51

it will grow.
If it's expensive, it won't need cutting again quite so soon.

RabbitsRock · 23/08/2024 16:52

I did smile at “ the long & short of it” OP

Campervansink · 23/08/2024 16:53

It will grow back soon. Try not to sweat the small stuff.

MNADFYUWISH · 23/08/2024 16:53

Thank you for the replies.

DS wanted it left long enough for him to have it spiky so he isn't happy either 😔

I haven't said any of this in front of him so as far as he's aware I like it and think he looks very smart.

OP posts:
JaydeeeeP · 23/08/2024 16:54

Does your DS like it?

WhereIsMyLight · 23/08/2024 16:55

With hair, if it’s gone too short you don’t notice until the razor/scissors have down their work. It’s too late to stop it and then there really isn’t anything to do but watch because it needs to be evened out.

TeddyBeans · 23/08/2024 16:55

The barber always asks what we want before they start here 😬 DS would look like a thug with a buzz cut, there's no way on earth I'd be happy with him getting one! Hopefully it grows out a bit before he goes back to school at least

LittleGreenDragons · 23/08/2024 16:56

As you have already stated, it's not just this one thing, it's a cumulation of everything.

Go on holiday, take your photos, and start thinking of what you want your future to look like. He won't change so you need to either accept this is your life for the next ten or twenty years or start planning.

BirthdayRainbow · 23/08/2024 16:56

Boomer55 · 23/08/2024 16:47

It’ll soon grow. Next time, perhaps better to take him yourself.🙂

No. He needs to learn to do as the child wants even if he doesn't give a shit what his wife wants.

MNADFYUWISH · 23/08/2024 16:56

TeddyBeans · 23/08/2024 16:55

The barber always asks what we want before they start here 😬 DS would look like a thug with a buzz cut, there's no way on earth I'd be happy with him getting one! Hopefully it grows out a bit before he goes back to school at least

I'm glad you said it before me because that's exactly what sprang to mind, I just didn't want to write it incase somebody had a pop.

DS thinks he looks like an "old man" which I think is a reference to grandad.. who is bald 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
PerkyMintDeer · 23/08/2024 16:58

YANBU but I think from now on you might have to take him...his Dad obviously can't be trusted if this keeps happening.

Bogginsthe3rd · 23/08/2024 16:58

Don't have a cow, Man!

Clearinguptheclutter · 23/08/2024 16:59

Yeah I’d be cross but it will look a lot better in a week or two.
next time go yourself, perhaps to a different barber

I’d be horrified if this was my ds/dh and would probably have an almighty argument- but would ultimately get over it

itsgettingweird · 23/08/2024 17:01

MNADFYUWISH · 23/08/2024 16:53

Thank you for the replies.

DS wanted it left long enough for him to have it spiky so he isn't happy either 😔

I haven't said any of this in front of him so as far as he's aware I like it and think he looks very smart.

Is your ds able to repeat what dad said or the barber?

Because if he said that and the barber just did what he fancied I would a) be taking him myself next time and b) it would be to a different barber.

Wahine24 · 23/08/2024 17:02

I had a buzz cut and I didn't look like a thug

ginasevern · 23/08/2024 17:02

Didn't the barber ask how to cut it? In my experience, even for little boys, they try to get some idea of what you want before they go all scissorhands crazy.

Beth216 · 23/08/2024 17:04

Thing is it won't even look better in a week or two because it will just grow out the same length all over his head and unless he wants to look like action man it won't look good.
It sounds like your OH is a weak, cowardly people pleaser. I was married to one who turned out to be a covert narcissist, I hope that isn't the case for you.

Azaleahead · 23/08/2024 17:04

I hate that so many are saying OP should take her son herself next time. Just another fucking job that the incompetent pathetic male no longer has to think about

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 23/08/2024 17:08

Boomer55 · 23/08/2024 16:47

It’ll soon grow. Next time, perhaps better to take him yourself.🙂

So what? Kid learns dad won't stand up for him, if what's happening isn't what he wants?

Dad doesn't have to do any kid related errands because he won't do what the kid wants/needs? Mum has to do everything?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 23/08/2024 17:08

Beth216 · 23/08/2024 17:04

Thing is it won't even look better in a week or two because it will just grow out the same length all over his head and unless he wants to look like action man it won't look good.
It sounds like your OH is a weak, cowardly people pleaser. I was married to one who turned out to be a covert narcissist, I hope that isn't the case for you.

If it's anything like my DHs, it'll grow out at all random lengths in tufts.

Itssamemario · 23/08/2024 17:11

He sounds like a right fanny flap. I couldn't respect such a gutless man.

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