I specifically said not to shave his head and that's what he comes home like..

[MNADFYUWISH]

We aren't in a good place relationship-wise so for that reason I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable and just intolerant, or whether anybody else would be pissed off aswell.

DS (almost 7 and autistic) goes to the barbers once every three months or so. It isn't cheap these days. He does sit still before anybody suggests that may be the reason for this today.

Today he was taken by his dad. I said to get a short back and sides and to leave some length on the top because DS likes to do 'Bart Simpson' hair and spike it all up.

I was very insistent about how he should not have him get a buzz cut (razor all over, very short with very very little hair left - he knows exactly what it is)

Previously, he has returned home with one of these cuts and it looked bloody awful. It doesn't suit him and quite frankly I could do it myself at home. We're going on holiday this week and I always take lots of photos. I just wanted the kids to look nice.

Guess what he came back like? Practically BALD!

Lots of stuttering from DP about how he doesn't know why he did that as he told him not to shave the top, he claims.

The long and the short of it is he just stood there and watched him get the very thing I said I didn't want him to have because he felt too awkward stopping the barber and saying no, we don't want that, we don't want a buzz cut. Nor did he mention anything afterwards despite knowing I wouldn't be happy.

He'd rather have a row with me than speak up about anything, to anyone. He's the sort or person who stands somewhere for 5+ long minutes waiting for somebody to move, even when hes running late or he's holding the rest of us up, because he feels 'too awkward' to say excuse me.

As I said, we're not in a good place atm and have much bigger problems than this. I won't go into it all and colour your view but I'll just say this, the usual shit that brings women to these forums to offload.

This feels a bit like the straw that broke the camels back.

Am I being unreasonable to be so annoyed about this in particular?

Really annoying, I can’t abide those chavvy hairstyles and on young kids it’s really horrible

I've had this a few time with ds and he's come home with it so short! 🙄

I just want to know what hair style your husband has .

You know your DH and I don’t but my DB is a bit like this. The standing for 5 mins rather than ask someone to move, and never wanting to assert himself. We were raised by perfectly nice parents but seen and not heard was the order of the day. And they meant it. All their friends said to them how well behaved we were and wasn’t it amazing.

And now he’s 50 - charming, kind, millions of friends he’s had for decades, excellent at taking orders, my SIL leaves voice notes with the most detailed instructions that he follows to the letter to help with the children and organising them but he would NEVER agree that he is a poor communicator. He genuinely thinks normal
communication is ‘conflict’.

He would possibly say to the barber, that his son likes it like Bart Simpson in a friendly way at the beginning but he would never stop him in the middle or give feedback that it wasn’t right at the end. At parents evening, he just nods and agrees with whatever teacher says, even if after he says to my SIL he wishes he’d asked a question about something but he knows they’re busy and parents must be such a nightmare to deal with.

He will never tell my SIL that he doesn’t like curry (she makes it weekly as their special treat) he does the majority of the rest of the cooking according to her specific weekly meal plan) because he doesn’t want to be difficult. 20 years of a weekly meal he really doesn’t want. And she wouldn’t even be angry - except that he didn’t say it 19 years and 11 months ago.

He’s not autistic, but he’s completely conditioned to just keep quiet with anyone who is the perceived expert on whatever is being done. If he ever gets cancer and a dr says he doesn’t have it, he’ll never ever go to another appt again for
those symptoms.

On the bright side at least he won't catch headlice

@MNADFYUWISH

"The long and the short of it is ..." Excellent, excellent pun.

Take him yourself in future.

Some men can't do right from wrong in here!

He took him to get his hair cut.

Your demands sound very controlling.

Yes some great points on here, also, the being outgoing, etc etc at work is called masking and it's totally draining, so the last thing you want to do after masking at work is come home and carry on. You just want to shut down and have a rest in your safe place.
Masking 24/7 would literally cause autistic burnout in time, which would not be fun at all.
Saying that he won't do anything about it or isn't interested doesn't mean laziness, it means he's possibly already at 100% from masking and doesn't want to add any more stress.

The guy felt uncomfortable round another blokey bloke, the barber. Rather than assert himself, especially when things started to go pear shaped, he just did the nod and smile thing. Line of least resistance.
Things like autism and resultant masking need a professional diagnosis maybe.

A mullet?

YANBU.
I'd be so pissed off, as I hate shaved hair on children - I just think it just makes children look like mini thugs.
I think the main issue is your DP not speaking up at the Barber's on behalf of your DC - AND the wider problems you're having.
I know it's only hair and it grows back etc, but I would not be impressed.

I really don't want to get into what his hair style is as it'll just result in piss taking. He's a bit alternative, or at least would be by MN standards. I learnt my lesson a long time ago asking for suggestions on some new boots and being accused of working in an abattoir 😁

YANBU to be pissed off at him ignoring your wishes, but I don't think there's anything wrong with shaved heads on children and it will grow back in a very short time, so YABU to make that the focus of your upset.

I would consider myself to be a bit " alternative " .
Go on , what's the hairstyle ?

Yes DS8 has one, he looks really sweet.

Has he got dreads ?

It's not just about the hair length, is it?
It's the blatant disregard for the OP'S and DS wishes, because he can't speak up (or doesn't care)

This isn't about the haircut, it is about always having to be the strong one in the relationship. You are the one who has to speak up whilst your partner is as much use as a wet J cloth. He can't be relied upon. He has now given you the Ick. I get it.

Absolutely 100%.

I have to make all decisions, all arrangements, all life admin, everything.

Anytime I ask for his opinion on something or ask him to suggest something for dinner / where to go / what to do.. it's always "up to you"

He is the path of least resistance personified. Won't advocate for himself, me or the kids, just goes along with what's easiest in spite of everyone else.

Start small then. When you ask one of those small questions don’t let him off the hook. Tell him to pick something.

Or better yet tell him Tuesday’s (really I just picked that out of the air) he’s in charge of everything. If an appointment needs to be made he does it… cat has a vet appointment he takes it, jr needs to get a permission slip signed… it’s all him, dinner needs sorted he decides. If you go food shopping he decides the brand of dish soap.

I use similar in my own house, I’m a natural doer so I’ve had to learn to step back. For clarity me and DH decide who owns what…but then I just walk away from it.

By itself, this would not bother me. As a last straw, I am curious to know whether you have tried addressing the underlying issues? Counselling?

My relationship benefitted from a few counselling sessions, if you think there is something worth working for.

Don't get too upset over the skinhead. It'll he gorgeous again in a couple of weeks.

I read once that wht we initially find so charming and attractive becomes unbearable.
Easy going, amenable, keen to tag along with my ideas.

You get my meaning I'm sure.

Apparently this happened to my DH too! The razor was out before he knew what was happening. I was fuming my lovely 5 year old looking like a skinhead. It was like he had aged two years as well, I won't lie, the whole thing brought tears to my eyes.

Anyway it grew back and all was well. I take him for his hair cuts now.

I don't believe the barber went against his wishes. They just do what they're told.

Next time, I would go with them both and tell the barber what you want as your husband is too pathetic to speak up as an adult, in front of your husband!

I haven’t got time for this type of being pathetic. He can’t be bothered to speak up for his son? Maybe give your husband a buzzcut and see how he likes it.