To be FURIOUS with DP

[PinkPeer]

Me and my Dp together five years we have a 2yo DS. I'll cut right the chase.. a few weeks ago whilst we were getting ready to go out I said to DP just watch DS while I nip the car to take some things out. I didn't shut the door properly on accident and when I came back DS had escaped and was half way up the road with no shoes on!! DP just stood there in the lounge completely oblivious!! I ran after DS and bought him back and I went mad at DP. He said it's your fault cos you left the door open, I had left the room so it's not my fault, an argument ensued and his defence was DS is not his responsibility, he wasn't watching him and I should have been more careful with the door even though he was sat right in the chair when I left?!

Tonight, again, I've said I'm just popping to the shop across the road, please watch DS for me. Low and behold, I come back and as I'm approaching I can see the front door is open, I immediately knew what had happened. Legged it across the road, almost got hit by a car, to see dp sat on his phone and DS no where to be seen, a frantic search and my neighbors who had just arrived home had found him wandering between parked cars just at the sound of our house. DS completely oblivious and living his best life smiling and laughing while I'm crying. Dp sat on his phone... Again, he said you must have left the door open or not pushed it too so it clicks. So it's your fault, I was looking at my phone. I said he literally would have to walk past you to go out the front door how did you let this happen again!! Same old, it's not my responsibility, you left the door open, I didn't see him blah blah blah.

I'm FURIOUS. Aibu?? This is the second time this has happened in similar circumstances. I've challenged DP on the fact that DS has never escaped or anything in my care. His defense is he is oblivious and doesn't even notice people he knows in the street etc. Which is poor!!

Our relationship is already a bit strained after me threatening to split up a few nights ago because of behaviour like this, not caring enough about DS, being involved, treating me like shit etc but thats another matter.

Opinions please and just talk down really, DS safely tucked up in bed now but I'm frantic and panicking it could have been so much worse. I can't stop crying. I'm terrified one of my neighbors will call the police or SS or something!!!

Op has admitted she left the door open, don't be such a bloody windup merchant.
She knows perfectly well what happened.

He sounds useless.. I’d be seriously thinking of kicking him out. Sounds like he makes zero effort with life - who wants that in a man??? Can’t even be bothered to look after his own kid for ten minutes. Not a keeper whatsoever

So did OP by leaving the door open... twice. If you were so angry and scared at the first incident you would think you would make sure not to do it again a few days later.

No she said the door was tricky and she must not have closed it properly.

Well, that's the way of it, I'm afraid.

The taxpayer picks up the tab for shit fathers. Happens all the time.

Personally I think enabling women and children to leave men who are neglectful, abusive or just downright impossible to live with is one of the better uses of taxpayers' money.

I'm on the fence. It takes a second for a toddler to walk out. As the person exiting the house, you absolutely have to make sure door is shut and locked.

He's unreasonable for not realising the toddler is gone after such a long space of time.

So I think you're both YABU on this one, sorry.

Most two year olds do need following, in my experience. Unless they’re about to turn 3. Most 2 year olds I know have absolutely no sense whatsoever and could do some serious damage in two unsupervised minutes.

And to be honest when I see pics of toddlers who have done stuff like spread a whole tub of sudocreme over the carpet, I do wonder why they were unsupervised long enough to do that.

we’re all knackered but I wouldn’t take a chance with a two year old.

And you are not married?

Please tell me you are not a SAHM !!

Because if you are, there is a very real risk that you might end up single and poor...

The door is somewhat of a red herring @PinkPeer ,serious and scary as it must have been to find your little one alone outside.

All of the posters berating you for not closing the door properly are missing the fact that about 75% of childhood accidents happen at home.

You can't trust your child's father to supervise him - to the point that the child can leave the house unnoticed. That means you certainly can't trust him alone in the house with him.

You have some serious thinking to do about the safety of your child when you are not around.

Every single bit of love and attraction I have for my DH would die the very second he said anything as awful as his child was not his responsibility.

OP doesn’t even know she left the door open … her dp has made her believe this- he said she left the door open, therefore she now assumes she did. But either way, she told her dp specifically to watch the child as she was popping out. THAT’S the main issue here, along with his other issues.

I didn't shut the door properly on accident
She seems fairly sure it was her fault, not his 🤷🏻‍♀️

He’s never going to look after DS properly. He ought to be concerned and not attached to his phone.

Your comments are fucking ridiculous

OP, you are responsible for your own actions. Close the street door properly and get a stairgate. Your partner is useless, be a better parent than him, safeguard your child.

Thanks for coming along to explain the issues, that's cleared it right up. She was absolutely right not to close the door the second time to see if he'd learned his lesson from the first time.

She thinks it was her that left the door open. If she knew, as she was walking away form her front door that she hadn't closed it properly, wouldn't she have gone back and closed it?

Exactly.

IF she left it open the second time …. she’s come up with a reason why it may have been open, only after her dp blamed her - you know, a bit like coercive control 🤷🏻‍♀️
But she specifically told her dp to look after the child, so the child should have been safe anyway.

Yeah that's a no. He can go and be oblivious by himself.

…are people insinuating that he left the door open deliberately, so that his toddler son would walk out into the street risking death or abduction?

this seems a tad unlikely…

Troll alert, everyone please ignore and don't feed the troll. They thrive on attention.

I am.

To be honest if you can’t get your door sorted so that it is secure , haven’t replaced the broken stair gate , and one of you can’t be trusted to mind their own child you are parents heading for a tragedy. What else haven’t you childproofed in your house? Where are your cleaning products kept, your sharp knives ( and blunt ones) , where do you put hot drinks, are window latches locked up stairs……….

Obviously your partner is a shitbag and I find his lack of concern for his 2 year old that escaped on to the road very chilling. My DS is only a few months older and my DH would have been distraught if he had escaped while on his watch.

However, toddlers are fast and can open doors easily by 2.5. I’ve had many a time where I’ve found DS rattling the front door handle but the big difference is that we always lock the door and keep the keys well out of reach. There’s something that just doesn’t sit right with me that you weren’t frightened enough after the first incident to put basic measures like locking the door (or even pushing back on it to ensure it shut properly) in place.

You definitely should have made sure you closed the door properly both times with a toddler in the house. But I couldn't be with someone who isn't capable of looking after his own child. What a useless arse.