Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

Regardless of the cringing gender stereotypes (no pink or florals in my house - am I a man then?) the way some women are just default deferential is baffling.

So if you pick up pink and he prefers the blue what happens if you say 'No, I don't like blue, what about going with green'. Do you ever stand up to him and say 'no, I think we need some pink as a contrast to all the blue, we always buy your favourite colour, today I'd like us to buy my favourite colour'.

The pram suggests this is not restricted to interior design. Does he comment negatively on your clothes or hairstyle? Does he choose your meals in a restaurant? Who decides where you go for days or nights out? Who chose your childrens names? Do you have your own money or is it all shared decided by him.

Lol, I'm the DH... I don't really get a say.

What a miserable life. Is it blue-ba-de-Dee-ba-de-dah in his blue house?

Are you scared of your husband OP?

Ok, that’s got more red flags than a parade in Tienamen Square.

My DH doesn’t ‘let me’ do anything because I don’t need his permission. He doesn’t need mine either. We’d usually make choices together.

There’s no way on God’s green earth you should be treated like this, OP. You are an adult in your own home, not a toddler to be corrected. Have you heard of the Freedom Programme?

It’s just different people’s interests really. My husband has no interest in interior decor or anything and so leaves that all to me, but then I have no interest in the 5 million different types of plants and grass seed he has going on in the garden, or any interest in particular cars etc so he makes the decisions on those things.

If we had similar interests though and both wanted to be involved & have an input then we’d make decisions together, for example holidays- we both decide.

I like your tone! I’m raising my glass to your next phase of life

I ask DH his opinion but he knows perfectly well I don't care.

Well I do care a bit, but he will for example get the choice of 1 of 2 chairs I have shortlisted, in the fabric of my choice.

I wouldn't do something he hated but he also knows I care a lot more about this stuff than he does.

What??

Big stuff we decide together, though DP usually defers to my judgement as he thinks I have a better eye. I don’t run minor decorative additions past him.

What would happen if you said you really, really wanted navy? Would he suddenly fancy something a bit softer?

He sounds absolutely horrible.

Do you pay towards the house?
It's not just his home it's yours too.

You need to come to a compromise on the decor.

I ask for my DH's opinion but ultimately unless he really dislikes it I buy what I like.

Bollocks to that OP. My DH has lots of expensive hobbies, mine is the house. If I want green walls, Barker & Stonehouse furniture and fresh flowers I have them. His only input that I compromise on is his chair reclines and the TV is bigger than I would like.

I spend more time at home, I clean it and I arrange maintenance. He’s happy for me to lead and doesn’t really have any interest in what I pick.

More to the point he wouldn’t dream of controlling this part of our lives. Or any part for that matter.

OP, you're living with an incredibly controlling man. Are you saying he insisted on choosing the pram but didn't actually push the pram?

What's he like with you normally? Does he do his share of chores? Are your finances fair? What about sex - it's hard to imagine he's good in bed, to be honest, but would you say he's a generous lover?

If my dh returned something i chose and changed every bit of decor to his style only he'd live in a bachelor pad because I would no longed be there.

My exDH was very interested in design and decorative arts so it was always a long and tedious negotiation.
He would never "take over" or insist.

The whole pink/blue thing you’ve got going on is weird, you do both know that other colours exist?! We don’t have anything pink or blue in our house.
I don’t ask my DH’s permission regarding things I want to buy for our house. I tend to take the lead with decorating but would, for example, ask him if he liked a particular pair of curtains. If he had strong feelings against them we’d choose a new pair together, but I don’t think he’s ever hated anything I’ve chosen.

Your replies here are very robotic and monotone, OP-are you ok? There's never been a man in my life that 'let' me do things besides my father and school teachers. I think there's far more things going on than choice of decor

My DH doesn't really have much of a interest in home decor and mostly let's me get on with it. Saying that, I always show him to get his opinion on it as I suppose its his house too. On the rare occasion he doesn't like something then we will compromise on something we both like.

Your DH seems abit controlling in that aspect. I would find it extremely disrespectful to have my opinions disregarded like that.

Your DH sounds incredibly controlling and unpleasant.

DH doesn't really care about how the house is decorated so I tend to pick everything, but he really hated something then I'd listen.

@sunnymountains you reading this??

Good luck @Jaichangecentfoisdenom

Yes, whenever he has a say, it is alway a dumb idea like the walk-in shower that’s too small so water sprays everywhere etc.

we discuss what we like put up samples and choose together- maybe compromise.
I usually have more ideas but he is willing to listen and I would hate to impose something

"it's instantly dismissed for example if I pick something up in pink, he'll pick up a blue one and say that's not too bad but I don't want pink."

Veto his blue cushion, stop being so passive about it and talk to him about how he would feel if everything in the house was pink and reflected only your taste? My parents were like this but they were Catholic and married in the 1960s so didn't live together before marriage otherwise I don't think they would have got married they were so different.

Sounds like he's a controlling bastard to me! Why the hell do you need his permission to do anything? Do you need to 'let' him?

We have similar minimalist taste, so we decorate together. I hate pink, florals and feminine stuff. But if we didn't, I would expect a compromise.