Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

Came to say this.

@sunnymountains You need to stand up for yourself now.

Do you work and contribute to the mortgage? Did any of the deposit monies come from your own savings?

(I am not saying that if the answer is no, you should just do as he says. However if the answer is yes, this gives you a stronger case to argue that you should have a say in the decor).

I couldnt be less interested (woman). DH chooses three options that he likes and I choose the ones I like the best. But we always both agree.

You're just coming across as a total doormat 😕 do you ever challenge him? Stand up to him? Let him know you are his equal and he doesn't control you or have any final decision on anything by himself?

I agree this issue is far bigger than home decor. He sounds controlling and abusive.

I’d say I take the lead, generally my husband really likes what I chose, some big things we pick together, however I don’t want to make the house pink , it’s neither masculine or feminine.

I wonder if this is he’s controlling or he really dislikes your taste. Even if he does he should compromise.

Sorry but he sounds dreadful. I'm an interior designer but myself and husband still choose furnishings and decor together. I wouldn't dream of not 'letting' him.

We're having an on and off battle here been rumbling on for five years because he wants a kitchen extension. Which means demolished a lovely conservatory, taking over the garden.

The reason I'm refusing is because while it's all going on he'll run away like a headless chicken. He thinks we can get a kitchen for 5k. In reality it's going to cost around 100k for the project because it will have to be suspended because of the slope of the garden.

When we moved here he did zero I handled solicitors, estate agents, removals, packing, disposing of furniture, books etc he cleaned out his shed 🙄

Choosing colour scheme and flooring is exhausting enough

Do you have a preference? If you voiced it, could you compromise?

In our house DH has an opinion but I'm the one that puts the hours in putting together a scheme so it's mainly my ideas but always discussed and he has power of veto. Although he doesn't veto much after the great drinks cabinet discussion of 2005-6. That was when he disliked my first choice then kept saying no to every alternative I suggested until he eventually said 'what we need is something exactly like your first choice but not your first choice' so I went and bought my first choice and 18 years later it's still looking great and he accepts I was right. If he'd gone away and come up with a better alternative then we'd have discussed that (which he did once for a bathroom mirror and we bought his choice because it was perfect).

Our bedroom is all black! Carpet, blinds, curtains, bed and wallpaper. I like quite dark gothic things. DH hates it and likes bright colours. I’m not having a canary yellow bedroom for anyone. I do all the decorating, if he hates it that much he can change it himself. Suffice to say he can’t be arsed so it will be black forever.
He does like to joke that it’s all black like my soul! 😂

This

What about other aspects of your marriage, if you chose a restaurant to go to or a film for you both to see? Does he change those choices? Things you might decide for the children?

Love, you need your own place, by the sounds of it.

Blimey, I can't imagine being in such an abusive relationship. Sorry OP but that is not normal.

DH and I have fairly similar tastes but where we don't, we generally compromise graciously. I dislike the dining chairs whereas he loves them (they came from a relative on his side). He doesn't like my choice of bathroom floor but doesn't grumble about it. Isn't that how normal relationships work?

He sounds extremely controlling. He doesn't push the buggy? what's he good for? Awful man. remind him it's your home too and you want input, otherwise you're happy to separate and divide up the house.

OP there's nothing remotely OK about him being the only person allowed to make a decision about decor, and I'd imagine that this isn't the only area of your life that he's dominating. This smacks very strongly of being a control freak. Your home should be a reflection of both of you. How do you even begin to relax in his environment? Do you feel comfortable there?

DH and I choose equally - and are both happy to compromise at times. It does help that I work in interiors, but he gets a say too as it's both of our home.

We pick things together, well normally I will choose things and if he hates it he will tell ma and we’ll find something we both like…compromise.

I don’t understand this binary between two options of blue = masculine and pink and cushions = feminine.

There are many colours in this world , there are many styles of home decor. I’ve never actually heard of decorating styles divided by gender, they are usually things like English Country house, boho, Indian , Japanese / orientalist , minimalist . People of all genders and none seem to like all of these styles.

Not all couples have the same taste but they usually compromise in some way. It’s very odd that you and your partner don’t do this @sunnymountains . Are you able to compromise on other things ?

You seem very compliant . . . Not sure I could be married to someone who had so little regard for my opinions/ feelings.

My DH and I discuss decor and furnishings and often end up compromising as we have very different tastes.

True enough. This pink and blue division sounds like baby clothes.

I've experienced this too, OP. It's called being in a controlling relationship.

Theres nothing stopping me redecorating by painting all the walls in luminous.orange with purple spots and lume freen squiggles, but I wouldn't because DH would hate it. But he'd compromise on having bright accessories and/or a loud utility room. Because generally speaking we like each other.

Dh tends to give me free reign. If he really dislikes something, he will say and we'll come to a compromise, but generally he's happy when I make suggestions. He is colour blind, so finds it really hard to visualise colour schemes anyway. If I buy (small) things without consulting him first, he might take a while to come round, but he generally does. In fact, last week when I said I think we should replace our mantel clock for something that fits better with the newly decorated room, he was upset because he 'really lives' the one we have at the moment. The one that he hated for about six months when I bought it on impulse a few years back!
OP, if my husband just went ahead and repainted a wall, or returned something I had bought to the extent you say yours does, there is no way we would still be married. Your H has a complete disregard for your opinions and feelings. That is not good.

Exactly.