Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

Why on earth did you marry him?

I think posters are being a bit OTT with the word ‘let’ 🙄 It’s not a feminist manifesto and it’s not that deep. It’s shorthand for him agreeing for you to do what you like. And yes, if the home is jointly owned it should be a mutual agreement.

DH and I discuss things together, but it’s usually mainly my ideas as he’s less creative and visual.

It sounds like you have bigger problems than decor, OP.

Your H sounds horribly controlling.

My DH came home from work one day and I’d wallpapered the hall without telling him. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Thank god I'm single and choose what I like.

Op he sounds controlling.

Why do you accept this?

I bet this is the tip of a very large iceberg

My DH and I discuss it, come to an agreement, and then I go out and buy exactly what I want, and he rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath as he paints the walls Barbie pink. (I know that deep down inside he doesn't really care and will be happy if I'm happy.)

We try and find things we both like, but it's a struggle a lot of the time because we have very different tastes in decor.

We have compromised mostly, but he gave me free reign in the nursery and playroom, and he had free reign in the study.

I wouldn't be happy if he did it all, unless his taste matched mine and he was very talented at interior design.

Are you also barefoot and in the kitchen? Do you also have kids that he has insisted you breast feed? The whole decorating thing is not normal. The whole not including you or listening to you is not normal. If this is just about decoration and he has many other redeeming features which could cancel or go someway towards explaining why you are with him, then potentially a quirk of personality. Did he also choose the hoover, washing machine and other kitchen appliances that he never uses? What are you allowed to do?

It is pretty deep to me. I don’t need to get permission to do anything from my partner. And yeah it’s a feminist thing and what’s wrong with that?

Particularly if he’s a twat whose primary concern is not to acquire anything which another small minded arsehole could interpret as “feminine”.

We discuss and make decisions together. Im probably more proactive in researching and coming up with ideas, but its an equal decision

My DH has views on home decor, and quite different taste from me. So we together discuss decisions and come to compromises, or take turns on getting our way. Surely that’s what a relationship means?

I suppose he does sound quite controlling, he would expect me to run anything by him first and usually vetoes anything I like and go with his preference.
I think because it was the opposite to what I grew up with it seems strange to me that he's so invested in everything but I think he wants everything in his own style which is very man style and I often see things I like in maybe pink or something more feminine by that I mean not something a man would choose and it's instantly dismissed for example if I pick something up in pink, he'll pick up a blue one and say that's not too bad but I don't want pink.

My DH doesn't "let" me do anything. He is not the boss.

Decisions are metal and discussed. If anything I could chose to pull rank as the house is wholly mine. He makes no financial contributions towards mortgage or maintenance and should we divorce he gets nothing (prenup all legal). However, it is our shared home and we decide together.

You have bigger issues than decor @sunnymountains

My ex husband was like this, had to make all the decisions and I was a SAHM at the time so had no agency (or money) to challenge him. Even made me give away a beautiful bedset id bought because it had pink on it.

Note the 'ex' - which is something he deeply regrets, and I do not. Now my home is decorated exactly to my taste, and he always remarks how lovely it looks and he had no idea I had an interior design talent

Generally I decide. I redid a room a while back and picked everything. He was happy how it turned out.

I bought a sofa for the kitchen and didn't tell him until he was delivered! He agrees it looks great.

I'll tell him what I'm planning. Him and DS vetoed my plan to paint the kitchen pink.

What would happen if you refused the blue one and insisted on the pink?

So, what happens if you say "no, let's get the pink"?

What happens with bigger decisions, like the house you bought, the car, how your child is raised ... ?

We do it together… I buy things like sheets and blankets but any big stuff (paint/furniture) we figure out together. He buys all of our kitchen stuff like pots and pans, but we bought dishes together. I tend to buy light fixtures, but he gets a say out of the options I’ve picked.

So why don't you do the same? Who died and made him the ruler of your world?

Have you ever thought about discussing it before you decorate and come to some sort of agreement on something you both like?

How could he return them without receipt?

He doesn’t sound quite controlling he sounds very controlling and clearly overrules you so you don’t feel comfortable in your own home

What does he think will happen if he has something 'feminine' in the house ?