Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

If we both live in a place, why would we not choose jointly

'Let' good grief you are not a child

My DP is generally not that interested in the decor so I do what I want. With the bigger things (furniture, painting) will tell him in advance but usually met with a ‘do what makes you happy’. However, if he was interested I’d expect to sit down and discuss and agree together what we both wanted, I’d be pretty annoyed with your DH’s approach.

Let Women's aid guide you and good legal advice.
Planning carefully, safety first always.

We choose stuff together. Sometimes one of us is more keen on something than the other but we are able to compromise usually. Our bedroom curtains are definitely not what my DH would have chosen but he loves them now they are up.

OP your DH is being very controlling if you have absolutely no say in how your home is decorated and furnished.

Then you’re married to a wanker. Does he control every aspect of your life?

Let?! LET?! There's no 'let' about it!

I usually come up with the ideas and discuss them with DH. If he has any objections we come up with another idea or compromise. If there's anything he particularly wants he tells me and we discuss it. The decor in every room bar one has basically been chosen by me and he always says afterwards that I was right (we don't have anything that he objects to). The only room in which I have had no input at all is his bedroom (we each have our own room) and he has chosen everything in there. So it is jungle themed.... It isn't to my taste but it doesn't have to be.

Ideally decor choices should be made by both of you or, at least, you should both have some input.

Joint decision every time. Takes ages to find a mutually agreeable scheme, but then we keep it for years.

I do most of the choosing. DH isn't particularly interested. But if he does express an opinion then I know he feels strongly about it. So it's incorporated. I get what I want the majority of the time, so when he feels strongly he gets it.

Big things we choose together and it's got to be two yes's, one no will stop it.

I think that's probably generally the way in most healthy relationships. Either entirely together or one isn't bothered so the other does it.

OP, I found that soul destroying. My ex' house was 11 rooms of brown polyester carpet, white walls and dark furniture. All pretty tatty and old.

I assumed he wasn't interested and set about updating it when I moved in. Consulted him, and he refused for anything to be changed, even a lampshade.

I couldn't bear it. It was so depressing. I hadn't realised creative freedom was so important to me.

Now I live in a house with a grey, turquoise and white kitchen. I have orange chairs. Lots of sunshine and space. No man is worth being gloomy for. 🙂

We Don’t LET each other do things, bizarre phrasing.

We have fairly similar taste and generally choose things together. If one has strong feelings and the other doesn’t mind then we’ll go with the strong feeling.

eg I quite like cushions and would have several if I was choosing alone, but DH hates cushions with a passion so we don’t have them.
I love a particular kitchenware brand but he’s not bothered about kitchenware, so we go with my choice.
bedding we have to agree as we both use it every night.

It's a joint decision, but my husband does have a better "eye" than me, so I often end up agreeing with him! But nobody "lets" the other one do something.... that's not how it works.

It's never been a case of choosing one person's style over another. We like the same things. I generally pick items out and prefer that gives me free rein. If he objected to an item I wouldn't buy it. It's never happened though.

Don’t feel bad for not seeing it sooner. That must have been a very confusing change, and when someone changes gradually, it’s hard to draw the line, especially if they seem convinced that you’re the one in the wrong.

I expect the previous timidity and the controlling behaviour both come from a deep-rooted sense of insecurity, but you can’t fix him. No amount of appeasement will satisfy him as the problem is him, not you.

I think you’re right to leave him for the sake of you and your children - treading on eggshells is no way to live. Your children are bound to want to assert their individuality as they grow up. I would definitely get professional advice before leaving though, as controlling men can take the news very badly.

My DP has no interest at all hence why most of our rooms are pink! 🙈

My DH isn't really bothered, though he might say we don't need things as we've "already got one" - for example a 12 year old bed or threadbare towels.

He's actually colourblind so I have no problem with him trying to interfere with colour schemes. Neither of us like frippery or frills so I don't see him objecting to my taste anyway,

I am queen in my own home 😊. It’s my way or the highway. However, I do check. I’ll say ‘do you like that sofa?’ If he says he doesn’t like it, I move on until we find one that we both like. But, basically, I’m in charge. In my defence, I’m good at looking after our home.
When a man takes over domestic arrangements, it’s weird. Unless he’s half of a gay couple.
I couldn’t bear your set up OP. You have my sympathy.

@angela1952 my DH said today "but it works so why do we need another one?" About a 10 year old stained suitcase. My reply of "because it's horrible" was met with a look of bemusement 😂

@Ilovecleaning why is it weird for a man to be in charge of domestic things? They live in the house, they're allowed to to want it to be how they like it as much as the woman living there.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos I don't think my DH or yours have any idea that it might be nicer if things look OK? Mine is irritated because I decided to buy some new dinner plates when we had some serviceable ones that had been bought on Ebay 20 years ago.

Sofas are difficult, if you already have one I'm guessing that many DHs don't feel that a new one is necessary, so naturally my DH doesn't see the point of going to a shop to sit on a sofa. Actually getting him to even think about whether he likes something or not is pretty tricky if he thinks that we don't need one.
I recently bought a new mattress without his involvement as he doesn't think that there is any need to replace things that are still in one piece.

DH literally can’t stop laughing at the idea of him being in a position to “let” me do something. I’ve “let” him have a second glass of wine so that might have helped.

My fiance cares about how our house looks just as much as me so we have to compromise and if the other doesn't like something we don't have it. Apart from photos which I am not keen on unless its art. But if your DP doesn't let you thats very odd

lol 😜. That’s my DH, too. X

My DH has his own ideas, which are stylish and mine aren't. We discuss and compromise but sometimes I just let let him do what he wants if he's passionate about then, then take glee in pointing out things lol 😆

Because it is weird 😀. And , as far as I’m concerned, they are not allowed to take over. 😀. Very, very few men are interested anyway.

Why on earth are you living with such a bully!