Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

Yes he won’t get involved at all but then will whinge if he doesn’t like it

Well done for taking the first step and coming here op!

This thread title is why I am happily single

I’d buy small things like vases and cushions and ask him if he likes it (always does!). I’d probably mention I was planning to buy new bedding or a mirror and ask if he thought it was a good idea etc. big purchases (carpets, furniture etc) do the research and present options that we look at and them together, we both have a veto etc. he does trust my judgement though and will go along with a bold choice if I’m keen. He’s more interested in dimensions etc.

This!
Your DH is a bully.

The question is more: do I let DP choose decor? He doesn’t have much interest but we are having a bespoke wall unit built and he is very involved in the logistics of the height of the bottom shelves so that we can fit a ridiculously sized tv and the sky box in it. Other than that his interest is zero unless it relates to the shed, barbeque and rather randomly the Christmas tree and fairy lights

LTB seriously. Couldn't with someone as controlling as this.

OP, this is no way to live. He’s horrible.

Big projects (kitchens or bathrooms) and expensive items (like sofas) we are agreed that we must both like. I am more visual so I tend to do the research, moodboards and the shopping plan. It does help that we both lean to neutral and sculptural. I generally choose colours, and he buys display artifacts.

And me
I'm too stubborn for that. My dad said once if someone told me not to do something I would do it twice just to be awkward

There’s no way I’d put up with this, OP. Fine if he’s an interior designer and he’s turned your home into a dream, but everything is manly, the same colour and a mirror of his own taste. Does he realise his taste is uninspiring, repetitive and doesn’t reflect the input / taste of both of two adults who share the home? If so, why doesn’t he care? It’s selfish and very controlling for him to feel entitled to have the final say on every bit of your home’s interior. Never mind the food and holidays etc.

Let me?

We choose it together. Isn’t that what everyone does?

So he’s the boss and you’re just his assistant enabling his choices?

Oh my goodness when I read MN I sometimes think I've stepped into a time warp and I'm back in the 1950s.
I haven't read the thread, just your posts OP.
I'm old and I lived through and participated in some of the struggles for women's rights in the1970s and yet some women even now can't even gave a say in the decor of their own homes?? I truly despair.

Pretty much how we do it too, but basically I get free rein to do what I like as long as he doesn’t have to be involved 😂

If we are redecorating DH tends to choose the wallpaper and (unless we go a shade of magnolia) the general colour scheme of the room. We both know that my selection of colour is pretty rubbish!! I admit that I am pretty useless when it comes to putting colours together! We generally have a discussion where he pretends he is taking on board what colours I want but he always ends up choosing and I have to say, I am always really happy with it.

But when it comes to soft furnishings (cushions, bedding, accessories, etc) he couldnt care less so I chose all of them.

This isn't about decorating. If you read the OP's updates, she is being abused.

Oh - and I am very vocal if there is something I really don't like. So we sort of choose together but once we have decided on a main colour for the room I let him choose the accent colour if we are papering or having two colours in one room.

My choice really is quite shocking. I am sure I am colour blind!

Ah - sorry. Not read the whole post.

Have you talked about it?

Jesus sweetheart, your updates are chilling to read. This is absolutely appalling and 100% abusive, not to mention disastrous for your dc to witness. Please approach women's aid and a solicitor for advice. Others will know more than I do about the logistics but you need to get away from this absolute lunatic. He needs locking up.

This is us too, everything in this house we both have chosen and liked. It's always me doing the finding and research and Pinterest, whatever else but if he doesn't like something it doesn't happen and vice versa. It means that often walls are left blank for years because we can't yet find something right for that spot but so be it.

I'm sorry to say but he sounds horrible, he doesn't consider you or how you feel at all :(

This sounds deeply concerning, OP. This latest update makes it all sound far too into 'Sleeping with the Enemy' territory for comfort.

It's not a clash of personal tastes that's the issue here. It's the element of control. There's no room for compromise here whatsoever.

My DH would willingly admit that of the two of us, I'm the one with the better eye for colour and decor. But I don't just go ahead and do exactly what I want. I run ideas past him first and if he really doesn't like them, we'll veto it and come to a compromise together. That's what a healthy relationship looks like.

Incidentally, blue is the accent colour throughout most of our home. It suits the east-facing light and also looks good in the very warm, south-facing main living area. It's never occurred to me to think it looks remotely 'masculine' (and husband/son humour the textures that soften it and also the candles, scented melts and soft lighting I like to fill the house with.

Of course, I know that is not the point. But the point I'm making is compromise. Without that, you have no balance in the relationship.

I'm sorry this thread has led to such painful realisations for you, but as you process this I hope you will draw strength from it. 💐

What a thoroughly tone deaf comment. The decor thing is the tip of the iceberg in this situation. This is not a remotely equal partnership, this is a bully and control freak making damn sure his wife and family bend to his every whim. Men like this are impossible to keep happy. Even when you tie yourself in miserable knots trying. To insinuate that what the OP is describing is any kind of normal marriage is ludicrous at best and gaslighting at worst.