Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

Why has he never pushed the pram?!

I pick everything re decor…..DP just says whatever you want is fine by me….don’t think he can be arsed really….but that suits me fine….he chooses the plants in the garden mainly though….although if I wanted something he would get it

OP, he doesn't need to like the colour of bedding to sleep in it. My DH has slept in our DDs pink fairy bedding because she was poorly and in with us, and it made more sense for him to go in her bed.

The fact that he would get cross over the colour or pattern of a duvet is not a good sign.

You need to be allowed to have things that brings you joy in your life. Does he add any joy? Or just remove it?

Very strange comments - what do you mean 'lets you'? I think everything in marriage is about 'letting the other person' or not. I don't let my dh smoke because I was open I am not going to look after him when he is crippled because of smoking when old. My husband does not let me do my favourite sport, for the same reason - no elderly person wants to push the other elderly person in a wheelchair just because they had a dodgy sporting hobby or smoked. He does not let me wear my favourite fur (he is vegetarian) and I don't let him go fishing in dodgy countries. About your decor - just leave it - reading about so many MN dilemmas relating to husbands - STIs, mistresses, co-sharing beds with children, going to bed in unwashed chef's uniform, regularly cheating, hating in-laws and being effectively cock-lodgers, why are you even bothered about decor?????

Are you a SAHM?

DH doesn't 'let' me do anything- I do whatever I choose to do.

I’m actually hoping that this is all made up, because it sounds too awful to be real.

My husband likes to share input and wouldn’t be happy if I decorated without asking his opinion, but he’s not got very strong tastes and doesn’t really care about interior decorating, so it’s more of the idea that he’s contributing than anything else.

I think your posts are making you see something you hadn't put together before @sunnymountains

I agree with PPs that he sounds very controlling and childish. No grown up would have a stubborn "I'm not sleeping under that" moment about a duvet cover they didn't like.

It's up to you what you do with this revelation, but I'd suggest you need a very honest conversation with your husband and seek counselling.

Errr your husband not letting you do your favourite sport because he’s worried about having to push your wheelchair if you injure yourself is totally insane.

No surprise that someone who would tolerate this thinks it’s fine to have zero control over your own environment.

In any case it’s pretty clear that the “letting” is all one way in OP’s relationship.

What?

Your DH stopped you doing a hobby? Or wearing certain clothes? And you think that's normal?

If my DH and I had such opposing views we would never have gotten married. Because marriage isn't about "letting" the other do things. It's about being able to be yourself and grow individually and together.

I get a lot of "oh aren't you a cool wife" because it appears I "let" my DH do things he enjoys. But....why wouldn't I? Why would I want to stop him and have him be miserable?

My friend doesn't "let" her DH do things. He stays at work more often and has said he'd rather be there. There's no restrictions on my DH and do you know what he chooses to do with the majority of his time? Spend it with me and our family. And it goes both ways.

Sorry @sunnymountains that's really sad and infuriating at the same time.

Point out removing it and refusing to use it, is the part that wastes money. What a bell end. He says you need to speak up more. I 100% would. Just point blank say next time he disagrees with you. 'You are wrong'. See what he says in reply.

For your own sake and the sake of your kids. Teach them to stand up for themselves.

95% of the contents of our house are mine, and DH doesn’t care. He’s just the passenger. I find that hard sometimes, but then I think of the opposite, and I feel rather fortunate.

What on earth would this have to do with it??

Strangely when I met him he was quite the opposite, a very quiet and timid guy with very little confidence, eventually he came out of his shell and over the years has taken quite a u turn very gradually that he's far from the man I met and married.
I didn't expect him to change this much but I have to leave for my children and so I can regain some freedom and make decisions again.
I should have seen it sooner.

I am wondering if he has control of the finances, as he seems to control everything else.

Oh probably. He sounds like an arsehole anyway.

This sounds like some form of coercive colour control so it is understandable that you are feeling blue (as most of your surroundings are, no seriously).

Leave satsumas, mandarins or oranges (of the big Jaffa type) lying around as a subversive act of rebellion. You'll find as well that orange being at the opposite end of the colour spectrum to blue, may also work as some sort of nonsensical antidote... or at least give you cause to snigger about as it throws him off...

What would happen if you told him to fuck off and that it's your house too?

The longer you stay the more your children are learning this is how men treat women.

Aww, OP, I guess it is very hard with so many replies pointing out what a controlling arsehole he is. You are right, you deserve the freedom to choose your own decor and lifestyle. Good luck with leaving him, I hope it goes safely and well.

🌸🌸🌸 Pink flowers to start you off!

I'm not a SAHM but I do work less than he does and he earns more but that's just for convenience with small children, I will be increasing my hours soon.

You’ve got to be joking surely!

Your partner should never tell you what you’re allowed to do.
They can give an opinion and set their own boundaries but they cannot tell you what you can and can’t do.

As a grown adult you do what you want and it’s up to your partner to decide whether it’s the relationship for them or not.

Sounds like you both have mummy/daddy issues and try and treat each other like children.

SAHPs typically have even less rights in a controlling relationship than working women do.

Many abusive/controlling men like their DPs to be SAHMs, so they have less financial independence and less friends/work friends to help them.

He trusts my taste more than his own but I do try to make gender neutral choices, eg not too floral. Your DP just sounds like a controlling twat though.

What is his parents’ relationship like?