Does your dh let you choose decor?

[sunnymountains]

From bed covers to wall paint, furniture, curtains, cushions dh will choose the lot and with no pink or anything remotely feminine everything is blue or very male looking.
I grew up with my mum mainly choosing the home furnishings but then my dad had no interest in anything like that so was happy to leave her to it and wouldn't have noticed anything different anyway.
I do think it's nice he takes an interest but I'd like some input, every room in our house is blue and masculine looking and as a woman I'd like some of my own touches.
Is this a bit unusual?

What are his redeeming qualities and why did you enter into a relationship with him? You've got much bigger issues going on here.

My dh is interested in decor, his taste is much more muted and he prefers to add colour accents with cushions etc. I love colour and am not afraid to be much more bold. I took the lead upstairs when decorating the children's bedrooms and he took the lead downstairs. We talk and both have the option to veto.

I’ve honestly never heard of this OP.

I know many couples where one chooses the majority of decor because they aren’t bothered about it.
But if they wanted to something in their Ken home then they would be allowed it because it’s their home!

Many couples have joint decisions.

For example the pram, this would have been a joint decision.
If you couldn’t agree then you would keep looking until you were both happy.

OP you are not a child.
You are a grown adult and this is just as much your home as his.

Why are you allowing this?

Just buy things like bedding and put it on the bed. Is he really going to strip it off and take it back??

I have in the past and he'll just say what's that? Why have you bought that's it's horrible, where's the receipt and if I haven't got it he'll be cross it was a waste of money then so would take it off and refuse to sleep in it.
We always buy what he wants for dinner and going out is me suggesting a list of things until I get a yes.
I didn't realise until I read it all just how it all sounds.
Holidays are the same we go where he wants and do what he wants but even after a lifetime of appeasing he's still not a happy man.
I definitely have some thinking to do.

My ex didn't and I always felt our home wasn't "my home" just his.

I'd be telling him to fuck right off and paint the whole house pink.

He sounds utterly controlling and unhinged.
This is not normal.
That you tolerated it and had children with him is also not normal.
It is very very passive.
You are clearly not allowed any voice in your own home, which is abusive.
Call Womens aid and see what they say.
You deserve better.

@sunnymountains I have spoken to him about it and he says I need to speak up more but in reality when I do speak up he still thinks he knows best.

Have you tried ' speaking up more' - very forcefully!

Saying something like ' you chose last time, so I'm choosing this time. We have different tastes. I don't always like what you like and you don't always like what I like, You always get the final say and I'm fed up with it, - so you're just going to have to learn how to compromise. Because I don't want to live like this any more'
........... and repeat ..... and repeat ..... and repeat. And mean it!
Stand your ground!
He sounds like he's always used to getting his own way - let him know that life just doesn't work like that when you're in a relationship.

Also if anything I persuaded him to buy should possibly go wrong then I get I told you not to buy bla bla but you insisted and now look, why didn't you just listen to me?
Roll your eyes and ignore! There's nothing wrong with making mistakes - we've all done it!

Help him to stop being such a dick! 😂

We just bought a new house and I'm in charge of design, but he knows my style and it's very neutral. Early on in our relationship we agreed together

I once surprised DP by having a downstairs toilet installed while he was at work.

Happy days.

a lifetime?

It's unusual. My DH likes to choose to but he's getting frustrated with me not caring. I just say "looks nice" to anything because I don't really care and he's got good taste. If he asked about painting our walls Pink I would put my foot down though. I'm neither 5 y old nor Katie Price and our sons wouldnt like it either.

OP, you are absolutely in an abusive relationship as are your poor children.
Get advice and get out.
Life is too short.

I agree with this. Your updates are rather chilling.

He's abusing you. Call Women's Aid asap.

My Dad had little to no interest in choosing decor and DH is the same, but FIL was the one who took charge over MIL. To be honest, I think men who are interested in it are odd-balls.

OP it sounds like you've lost yourself in this oppressive situation.
He sounds like he's controlling everything. Spells unhappiness for you at the very least. His attitude to you as an individual with equally valid opinions is worrying and sounds like it's a permanent state of affairs, no matter how small the decision. That's very wrong. Your description of how he behaves is disturbing.
What do you get out of this relationship? Is he likely to change or get worse? Please consider where this could end up.

Agree with this, at the least call women's aid. I feel from your response that you are quite taken aback by the responses but I promise you that it's not ok for your DH to be this controlling. What do you friends and family make of him? Has anyone else ever raised any concerns with how he is with you?

We pretty much chose everything together. Some extra touches have been bought by me over the years but we definitely have always chosen paint together and actually done all the decorating together . I don’t think that is ok OP- you share the space . I’d just get home to go away for the weekend and redecorate!

A marriage time, 13 years feels like a lifetime.

he'll be cross it was a waste of money then so would take it off and refuse to sleep in it.

He gets cross because you’ve bought bedding he doesn’t like???

And he refuses to sleep in it???

WTAF OP this isn’t normal!!

Why don’t you tell him to grow up and stop acting like a childish brat over bedding - I’m guessing it’s because you’re actually a bit afraid of standing up to him.

My DH couldn't even tell you what our duvet cover looks like. Your arrogant DH needs to understand that you both get a say.

He sounds awful. Ugh.

My DH and I decide together on larger decorating matters (paint colours, sofas, etc.). Neither of us has the final say. Fortunately, our tastes are similar so we tend to agree easily. For smaller things like bedding or ornaments, we don't really have a discussion, each of us buys what we like. He has bought a few things that I don't really care for (and I'm sure I have done the same) but that's no big deal.

There’s only room for one creative in my home - I have the vision, DP thankfully has the practical skills to bring it to life. It works for us as I guess we’re both responsible for any redecoration.

Saw all, didn't RTFT. Has anyone said LTB?

I agree that your latest update is chilling. A deeply controlling, selfish man who is never happy. Has this behaviour gradually escalated? Unfortunately, men like this can turn out to be dangerous. I would get advice from the Police and Women’s Aid, but whatever you do, don’t let him find out that you’ve done this.