To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

I think you are way overthinking this. It’s your garden - it’s not a ticketed event. If you have a spare few party rings going why not say yes - a 5 year old will not change the atmosphere one bit - the sibling will either run riot with the three year olds or likely just sit with her mum. Just warn mum there will be no party bag for them or if you’ve got spare stuff just do her one up.

How do you plan your manage those who just turn up with siblings? Will they all be turned away at the door?

I'd say Yes, it's one extra kid. The mum will be there anyway.
Also sometimes if your playing party games it can be helpful if someone can demonstrate / knows what they are doing.

We don't know the circumstances, but sometimes it's not always easy to juggle kids, shifts, single parents, and you don't know what extra help they may or may not have.

I don't think she's done anything wrong and I think that two weeks notice for a birthday party is plenty.

We had to ask this recently as our childcare for eldest DD fell through and we didn’t have anyone. Personally I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if someone asked me this but you are of course within your rights to say no.

Why do you think she’s tight? She’s worried about the dynamic.

And there are so many threads where older kids have been allowed to mess around then I can see she may not want a 5yo at a party for 3yos.

I think it's fine. It's fairly standard that some siblings end up coming and presumably all the parents will stay which is why the parents have this problem. I think you're over thinking.

I would say something along the lines of "yes sibling can come however if I get more requests off others for siblings I may have to do a blanket no just to be fair as I have limited space in my house"

Also 2 weeks is not short notice to respond! Gosh I had two people confirm the morning of my DD's party one year.

You’re fine to say say, in the same way that she’s fine to ask. Equally, it’s your DC that is impacted by their friend not coming if you say no…

3 and 5 is a very common age gap though, at many 3yos parties there'll be a 5yo sibling who's been allowed invite a friend or two. In our 6yo's class there's at least three younger siblings in 4yo's nursery room. I'd fully expect any party of 3yos to have a couple of 5yos knocking around, and vice versa.

If it's just one extra child I'd be inclined to say yes as realistically one 5 year old isn't going to significantly add to the chaos of 10 toddlers 😂
I wouldn't allow any more though, so any further sibling requests would have to be declined.

Say no because you've already told another invitee no due to the age/size of the child.

Christ. It's really not CFery not to have childcare.

And I really don't think the age gap between 3 & 5 is so huge as to be problematic.

Which more thank likely is going to be a vice versa situation at that age….lets not get petty here. Most children have birthday parties and then invite those whose birthday parties they went to so it’ll all goes round… like one afternoon of cheap entertainment and food is going to be THAT enticing 🤣

Parents will be supervising their own children and one 5 year old will make no difference. It’s baffling you are debating it.
i have 2 primary DC and in parties like this there are always toddler or elder siblings knocking about. It’s nice! Ive never known a parent not be supportive about it this. We’re all in the same boat and have to get through the endless round of parties together

I'd say yes without even thinking about it, it's hardly going to make a difference to anything and might just make someone's day easier 🙂

I agree with this.

I'm so glad the people I know IRL are more generous than that.

2 weeks is too late to reply to an invitation?? For a garden party? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Exactly. Play the long game.

If she turns out to be a CF you can always back away; she may just be a frazzled nice person.

I wonder if the split in opinions here is those who have only 1 child - most likely preschool age vs those with more than 1 child and who have experienced whole class parties with a more the merrier approach.

I've never minded a few siblings tagging along and always do a few extra party bags in case of extras on the day. But I also normally give out cake and a small bag of sweets to any siblings who haven't attended but arrive at pick up time. It's a really small thing but stops them feeling so left out.

This has been me on many occasions because I am usually on my own. Often I’ll ask someone to watch the other child but it’s not always possible. I’ve never had a parent say no.
Numbers aren’t limited. A 5 year old is going to be quite sensible.
I always return the gesture and have siblings at my parties and I always do them party bags!