To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

I agree

This. Happens at every party I have. And at least she asked. Half the time they just show up with siblings 😁

‘Only’ 2 weeks ago? How much notice do you need?? 😄 I tend to RSVP the day I receive an invite but not everyone does and she may have been trying to work out logistics. One 5 year old won’t make much difference. I don’t think it’s cheeky to ask given masses of people would be fine with a sibling coming. Wait until you’re doing whole class parties and whole families show up 😂

Another one thinking adding the odd extra sibling to a home birthday party is no big deal. OP genuinely, you're into a shock when this turns into whole class birthday parties at primary. Biggest stress then is the number of people who don't RSVP and turn up (and sometimes turn up with siblings - I was at a party once where someone brought 5 siblings of various ages!), and not having enough party bags and ending up having one just stuffed with fun-sized mars bars.

Ah such lovely memories.

Seems a bit mean to me to say no - siblings are the norm at 3/4 year old parties round here, when they're the kind of flexible party you have at a house or church hall. Usually younger rather than older but while it's only one I don't really see what the problem is?

And every party I went to when they were little, it was pretty much a given that siblings could come too. Asking was polite but I think saying no would have been looked at oddly (unless it was a paid event, but to be honest it was often even the case then).

Indeed...if you say no to stuff like this in primary school years op, the school mums will freeze you out and you'll have a fairly unpleasant few years

I think it's pretty mean spirited tbh, as are some of these responses. I always try to put myself in other people's shoes. If I was a single mum who just wanted her 3yo ds/ dd to have friends and attend a party, I'd hope that someone treated me with kindness if I couldn't get childcare for my other child. She may be a cf of course, but when all is said and done you're talking about one extra child. Had it been a soft play party, with accompanying extra cost, then that's a bit different (and I'd likely expect the other mum to offer to pay, even if I rejected the offer). But it's a garden party. And it's one extra child.

At the age of 3 I’d expect the parents to stay so you wouldn’t be solely responsible for the kids. I’d say yes to a sibling but that’s me. Also, I do appreciate if it’s the first time you invite nursery friends, it can get overwhelming with all the what ifs and an extra child can feel like way too much. It’ll be fine, I promise.

When my DD 7 gets invited I never take her sibling who is 2 and don't ask either. 9/10 if they wanted other siblings they would say "welcome to bring siblings" etc but hosting a birthday party for kids is stressful enough and I wouldn't want anyone to add extra stress to me either. If it's a small baby that's different maybe because they would be supervised by their parents but any older it's not really acceptable. I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Tbf, asking to bring a 2 year old to a 7/8yrs olds birthday party is not the same as asking to bring a 4yr old to a 3rd olds birthday party!

An older child?? She's 4 not 14! Literally just a year older than the 3yr olds attending.

If you want parents to stay with their 3yos, then I think it's reasonable to allow siblings to come. What are parents meant to do if they don't have childcare? I can't really see how a 5yo will change the dynamic.

YANBU but be prepared for other siblings of other kids to turn up because their parents never even thought to ask you.

I'd say yes because she has asked in advance.

When I did a party for my son I said yes to a single mum who asked if she could bring both of her children, no issue. What annoyed me was people turning up with siblings who hadn't asked and some hadn't even rsvp'd.
It was ok because it was a hall type thing but I couldn't give every sibling party bags. The one mum who had asked me though got two party bags for both her children on principle.

Odds are the birthday child will be thrilled to have a big boy/girl there, or not notice. But if they are bothered, it's a good lesson in generosity and helping others.

I'm also sure they'd rather their friend was there than not.

This.

Reading Mumsnet genuinely makes me sad. Always. And adds to my anxiety.

People in real life seem so lovely and I just start wondering if it's all a mask when you read the sort of stuff people get petty and angry about on Mumsnet.

I’d say yes but that is because I don’t have the balls to say no.

I did a party for my dc at an activity venue...it was £16 a head. I invited one child and his mum asked if she could bring her younger child along. She was a single mum and I felt sorry for her so agreed and paid for an extra place. On the day, she didn't show up or even let me know she wasn't going to be there. £32 for her kids places there...I was fuming

I think you're being a bit OTT. It's really common to ask if siblings can come. Is it really going to be so much extra work to make a couple more sandwiches? OPs will most likely stay and a 5 year old should be aware enough of the little kids and can amuse themselves. 2 weeks is plenty notice IMO.

What’s the social norm in your area? Around here we would definitely raise eyebrows if we didn’t accommodate siblings at a home/garden/hall type party.

That’s very different to a home party though.

Poor woman. She might be a single mum and maybe she ‘didn’t tell you upfront’ because she was hoping to find some childcare but she couldn’t. So instead of her son missing out / letting you down she asked if the sibling could come. You can say yes or no. She has done absolutely nothing wrong