to not do anything for dh birthday because he doesn’t do anything for mine?

[Appletreebee]

Even though it is a milestone one this year?

Yeah, I've changed my mind now that the dripfeed has revealed he's not wanting anything.

He's told you what he wants - nothing.

Give him what he wants. Make him happy by respecting his wishes.

I don't fall for this nonsense of milestone or big birthdays.

Do the same as if it was any other birthday. I'd support you doing little other than saying Happy Birthday.

You've asked. He's said no. Take him at his word.

My DH isn't interested in birthdays. He will make a fuss over mine and DDs etc because he knows we like it. But I asked him once what he wanted for a milestone one and he said not to acknowledge it. We didn't, except for a present and he was actually happy.

I think it's down to the person. So if you enjoy birthdays, he should celebrate yours. But if he doesn't want to do his, then let him not do it.

What sort of total cunt complains about the type of cake their children choose for them?

Does he have any redeeming features?

What a miserable existence for you and your children.
You would be right to do absolutely nothing for him.
What a loser.

Asked him if wants anything for it and he said no

There you go, @Appletreebee - he has told you clearly and unequivocally that he doesn’t want to do anything for his birthday. Job done.

Some people hate birthdays, hate reminders they are getting older, CBA with any of it. Others are just uninterested.

Whatever the reason, there’s no need for you to do anything.

If his mum asks again, “he said he’d rather not.” End of discussion.

If your birthday is important to you, OP, redirect the energy you would have spent celebrating his and organise your own party/outing with your kids and good friends. Find people who share your birthday energy!

I don't really celebrate mine anymore but love it when friends organise things for theirs and am always happy to turn up and have a few drinks or a meal out.

Ditch the fun sponge and hang out with people who bring you joy.

Don’t do anything, he’s been very clear he doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday. You explain that to his mum if she asks. If you have repeatedly told him that him not doing anything for you for your birthday is upsetting you, and he still does nothing then yous have bigger problems. Your partner should care about how you feel, he is showing you he doesn’t.

In my case they are learning to be considerate of other people's feelings and to respect those even if they are unusual. They know that we celebrate their birthdays and Daddy's and 3 of their grandparents' birthdays but not Mummy's or their other Grandad's because we don't like it.

This is what I think. Ditch the attempts to change his attitude. Have fun with your children and friends on your day, and just be open about the fact that your husband is a 'birthday scrooge'. Presumably he has redeeming qualities or you wouldn't be with him?

My husband is like this. He says he doesn't want anything or to celebrate but then sulks when we don't make a fuss!

Maybe be open about the fact that people have different preferences and it's good to respect them?

It's not just about his preference though is it? It's about the OP's too, and the fact that he doesn't care that she'd like a fuss made of her birthday. It's mean.

If it's not a big deal for him don't.

I would have something stashed away just in case like a dinner reservation though and a bottle of something suitable.

He should celebrate your birthday with you because he knows it’s important to you. You should not force a celebration on him when he’s told you he doesn’t want one. You are literally both as bad as each other.

Can you buy something for the house that you want? A new picture, garden furniture, wine glasses? Or make him a photo book with pics of the kids? Treat yourself!

This is such an important point!

OP: take the money and time and thought you would have spent on your H and put it to a wham-bam celebration for yourself. And give yourself a half year extra celebration (my grandparents did that for their children) to make up for your stingy parents. Teach your children to celebrate themselves and you and to do for those they love. This is a huge gift you will give them. Bigger than a material thing or a card (I hate cards!) is showing them how we celebrate those we love.

If your DH doesn’t care to be celebrated that’s fine. But he is not excused from being loving and thoughtful about what you, his wife, have said you need.

I'm 100% for this. I've done the same for fathers day and that really hit home. He's made a lot more of an effort since.

YANBU if he has not bothered then you don’t bother either.

My DP would give me the "world" literally , but forgets birthdays including HIS OWN.

I think it would be mean spirited and childish not to organise something lovely for his birthday.

I'd really recommend you organise something that you'd absolutely love to do. If he doesn't love it, ah well just take the kids and leave him home. You can have a really lovely time celebrating his birthday without him.

Why? He's not a child who might change their mind and be disappointed, he's an adult who should be able to articulate what they want.

When my DH and i first got together, i realised that birthdays were not a big thing at all to him or in his family. I on the other hand, like to have a bit of fuss made of me for that one special day in the year. So i explained that to him, and he has stepped up every time since, with flowers, gift, including going to Florence for one of my 'big' birthdays. in return we always do something for his, usually low key, like meal or day out, no expensive presents but nice card and a thoughtful gift. Your differences about this can be dealt with by communicating what you want. It doesn't have to be the same as what he wants.

He sounds narcissistic, I'm not surprised you're feeling fed up.