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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

450 replies

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

OP posts:
Iwanttobuticant · 22/08/2024 11:45

fluffy71 · 22/08/2024 11:36

Well done to your son. A hard fought victory indeed. You must be incredibly proud. My dyslexic son got 5 GCSE’s today including a 7 in history. Considering he failed his SATS I’m so proud of him.

Well done to your son too! 👏

BitOutOfPractice · 22/08/2024 11:46

Just to add, I’m so happy, as a historian and mother Of another historian, that history / classics / archaeology etc are still capturing the imagination and igniting passion in so many people! Does my heart good!

Misspacorabanne · 22/08/2024 11:46

Amazing news!! I have autistic dc also. You are both fabulous! I did think you were going to say he hadn’t done too well in them, but he’s got brilliant results! Well done to you both! This gives me hope. 💕

boredaf · 22/08/2024 11:46

That’s so good!! Well done to your DS 🫶🏼

whereisthelifethatirecognize · 22/08/2024 11:48

Amazing!

You deserve to celebrate these results, too, since you've been doing the heavy slogging to get him the support he needs to succeed in life.

Justgorgeous · 22/08/2024 11:49

Well done to you and him. 🌟

BIGPA · 22/08/2024 11:49

Fancy not wanting to praise your child publicly to friends and family because you think you'll look like a "wanker" 🙄

IttyBittyTittyCommittee · 22/08/2024 11:50

That’s bloody lovely - made me smile on a tiresome morning of life admin

Wishing all the very best for your DC this is indeed wonderful news!

Big virtual hug to you all xxx

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 11:50

WhitegreeNcandle · 22/08/2024 11:39

Bloody brilliant. Well done to him and you!! As an aside which program is he use to learn Latin and Greek?

He's doing the Cambridge Latin course (I think it leads to an IGCSE?), and the OCR Ancient Greek. The certificates he just sat were the intermediate ones, basically what kids who aren't carrying it on to GCSE can sit to show the standard they reached (DS is doing both GCSEs though).

When he very first started being interested in Latin, before school picked it up and ran with it, we used a CD and workbook called Minimus The Mouse that I found in a charity shop! We used to listen to it in the car and repeat phrases like "hortus squalidus est" together 🤣

He also has an app that he uses for Greek vocab, it's called LP Ancient Greek (cost about £3 I think, logo is a blue owl).

OP posts:
kαλοκαλοκαιρι · 22/08/2024 11:50

Congratulations!! Wonderful achievement for the both of you.

And now your son can confirm what Aristotle said…

Τῆς παιδείας ἔφη τὰς μὲν ῥίζας εἶναι πικράς, τὸν δὲ καρπὸν γλυκύν -The roots of education are bitter… but the fruit is sweet!” :)

Fernticket · 22/08/2024 11:55

This is so lovely to see. Congratulations to your DC - and you💐

LatteLady · 22/08/2024 11:55

Per ardua, ad astra.

Many congratulations, to your son, to you and his teachers.

Gratulor tibi de hac gloria!

As you can see learning Latin still give me the cold sweats when anyone mentions Paterson & McNaughton - The Approach to Latin.

Tattletail · 22/08/2024 11:56

Well done to your son 😊

I thought from your title it was going to be a disaster story so this is such a lovely turn of events!

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 11:56

BIGPA · 22/08/2024 11:49

Fancy not wanting to praise your child publicly to friends and family because you think you'll look like a "wanker" 🙄

Well, there's a little bit more to it than that, but yeah. For many many parents of DC with additional needs, it's really difficult seeing all the happy smiling faces and amazing results and proud parent posts. I guess in the same way it's hard for someone having fertility struggles to see a lot of pregnancy announcements and scan pictures. I don't want to be insensitive to the many many friends I have with DC who are not celebrating today, or whose children don't even have a school to go to. That was me once, and I'm not ashamed to say I was pretty fucking bitter about it at times, and avoided SM a lot because of it.

We are celebrating at home in our own way, and I'm sure my family will congratulate him thoroughly!

OP posts:
screamingsiblings · 22/08/2024 11:57

OMG. SO well done to your family. Education can be so difficult for ND kids.

Finding the right school can be life changing. I really hope he continues to thrive. Congratulations again. Cry away!

StarCourt · 22/08/2024 11:59

Have an autistic 15 year old who hasn't been to school in over 2 years. So happy for you both

ashitghost · 22/08/2024 12:00

That is phenomenal. I’m crying now!

Hankunamatata · 22/08/2024 12:00

Op I'm tearful just reading it. He has come so far with a future now you probably couldn't hope for in the past.

JudgeJ · 22/08/2024 12:02

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 11:56

Well, there's a little bit more to it than that, but yeah. For many many parents of DC with additional needs, it's really difficult seeing all the happy smiling faces and amazing results and proud parent posts. I guess in the same way it's hard for someone having fertility struggles to see a lot of pregnancy announcements and scan pictures. I don't want to be insensitive to the many many friends I have with DC who are not celebrating today, or whose children don't even have a school to go to. That was me once, and I'm not ashamed to say I was pretty fucking bitter about it at times, and avoided SM a lot because of it.

We are celebrating at home in our own way, and I'm sure my family will congratulate him thoroughly!

Make sure he also knows how many strangers are cheering for him today too!

Vinvertebrate · 22/08/2024 12:02

OP, I have DS7 with ASC and I am doing a happy dance of joy for you both. My DS has already been asked to leave 2 schools because they couldn’t meet his needs. He’s starting at a specialist school that (supposedly) caters for all abilities including those like DS with high IQ’s. I have high(er) hopes when I read posts like yours.

And YY to the SM posts making parents like us feel “less than”. My DS will happily read a book for hours, but doesn’t last more than 5 minutes in a formal lesson - I understood he was overwhelmed, but to most others parents he was just a disruptive problem child.

Your DS is lucky to have you!

Oopstoo · 22/08/2024 12:04

What a lovely moment - well done to you both

Ted27 · 22/08/2024 12:06

@SelkieSeal

Huge congratulations to you and your son.
My son is 20. I adopted him at age 8, he has ASD and was in special school.
If I'm honest, I didn't think back then he would be able to do GCSEs

In a few weeks time he will be heading off to his second year at uni.
Given the right support and on their terms, our children can achieve things,

Enjoy your moment -onwards and upwards

Onwardsandonwards · 22/08/2024 12:06

Love this sooooo much!!! I was on a call last week with a lawyer who kept chatting in Latin, I was beyond impressed / jealous!! Well done to you both! X

evilharpy · 22/08/2024 12:08

Huuuuuge fist bump for you. What a fantastic achievement and it's all down to your tenacity. Well done to both of you, such a lovely post to read!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/08/2024 12:10

What lovely news - massive congratulations to him, and to you, @SelkieSeal - you are an amazing mum!