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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

450 replies

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

OP posts:
Bestfootforward11 · 22/08/2024 12:11

That is just so lovely news! Well done to your DS, just brilliant! And huge hugs to you for all you’ve done to support him and help him shine. I’m so happy for you both x

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 12:15

Vinvertebrate · 22/08/2024 12:02

OP, I have DS7 with ASC and I am doing a happy dance of joy for you both. My DS has already been asked to leave 2 schools because they couldn’t meet his needs. He’s starting at a specialist school that (supposedly) caters for all abilities including those like DS with high IQ’s. I have high(er) hopes when I read posts like yours.

And YY to the SM posts making parents like us feel “less than”. My DS will happily read a book for hours, but doesn’t last more than 5 minutes in a formal lesson - I understood he was overwhelmed, but to most others parents he was just a disruptive problem child.

Your DS is lucky to have you!

My peak "bitter moment" was in the pandemic, when everyone was suddenly up in arms about schools being closed and how much their DC were missing out, and wasn't it terrible yada yada. I had to sit on my hands a lot to stop myself telling people (who I do otherwise like) that I'd have appreciated some of the same concern being directed at my child when he was without a school place, or at any of the thousands of disabled children who have been unable to go to school for years!

OP posts:
Lavenderblossoms · 22/08/2024 12:16

Wow, talk about super mum! You are absolutely amazing and so is your wonderful son! He is a testament to your love and encouragement.

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 12:16

Ted27 · 22/08/2024 12:06

@SelkieSeal

Huge congratulations to you and your son.
My son is 20. I adopted him at age 8, he has ASD and was in special school.
If I'm honest, I didn't think back then he would be able to do GCSEs

In a few weeks time he will be heading off to his second year at uni.
Given the right support and on their terms, our children can achieve things,

Enjoy your moment -onwards and upwards

Awwww huge congratulations to both him and you 🤩

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 22/08/2024 12:17

That is wonderful!

Theright1 · 22/08/2024 12:18

Congratulations,!!!!

Portfun24 · 22/08/2024 12:20

That's really amazing, well done him I'm not surprised your emotional, the pride must be overwhelming.

Donotneedit · 22/08/2024 12:20

This has made me cry, well done op

DandyClocks · 22/08/2024 12:29

Fabulous post. Huge congratulations to you both. 🥳 Very well deserved.

My autistic 15yr old is struggling at secondary school with serious bullying and I’m so worried about how this next year will pan out but your post gives me hope. Thank you. 🙏

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 12:31

DandyClocks · 22/08/2024 12:29

Fabulous post. Huge congratulations to you both. 🥳 Very well deserved.

My autistic 15yr old is struggling at secondary school with serious bullying and I’m so worried about how this next year will pan out but your post gives me hope. Thank you. 🙏

So sorry to hear your DS is struggling. I dread to think how my DS would manage in mainstream secondary, for all his academic ability he is socially very vulnerable. I really hope things improve for your DS ❤️

OP posts:
Sunnycolours · 22/08/2024 12:32

congratulations to you and your ds op! Your op made me well up. My dd has asd and it’s amazing how much happier she is with the right environment and support. Shes just started second school and is doing Latin too! So it’s lovely to hear

HansSolo22 · 22/08/2024 12:35

Huge congratulations to you and your son, what an incredible achievement! You must be immensely proud of him. You should be equally as proud of yourself for everything you have done for him. Enjoy celebrating with him!!

ntmdino · 22/08/2024 12:35

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:51

ND kids do seem drawn to classics somehow don't they!? Wishing your DD every success, hopefully you find the right place for her to thrive ❤️

I certainly did - I took classics AS-level, as a bit of light relief from the maths, further maths and physics. Didn't do particularly well in it, but that's because it was mostly essay questions...I only did it to learn about the subject, rather than get a decent grade.

Anyway, congrats to you and your lad - great results! :)

Gilead · 22/08/2024 12:36

I have three autistic (adult) children. We had to move them out of school in year one and reception. We found a lovely primary for twin dds. Ds would come to drop off and pick up and started asking to stay. He started off on one afternoon a week. He eventually got a 2:1 in Lit, and is doing his Masters in psychology .
Dd1 2:1 in Lit, great job.
dd2 2:1 in bioscience but will not ever be able to work, just can’t function in the world. I’nm so pleased for you and your ds. I’ve told you about mine so that you know he can go as far as he chooses. I wish you both well in the future. 💐

GoodnightJude1 · 22/08/2024 12:43

Wow!!!! Well done! That’s amazing…..brag all you want here OP!! 👏

WearyAuldWumman · 22/08/2024 12:45

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

Oh, very well done! Please pass on my congratulations to your wonderful son. :)

Congratulations to you OP - you've done a marvellous job.

Joyfulincolour · 22/08/2024 12:47

That is amazing @SelkieSeal
Well done to you & your son.
We've just collected my daughter's GCSE results & she has done better than expected. She has ASD & PDA.

Well done for persisting & keeping up with making sure his needs were met. It is relentless but worth it! 💙

MoleAndBadger · 22/08/2024 12:47

Huge huge congratulations to you and your son. Absolutely amazing

LisbonKid · 22/08/2024 12:48

❤️💕💖❤️💕💖

TuVuoiFaLamericano · 22/08/2024 12:49

That's brilliant, op. What a bright laddie

kαλοκαλοκαιρι · 22/08/2024 12:49

BIGPA · 22/08/2024 11:49

Fancy not wanting to praise your child publicly to friends and family because you think you'll look like a "wanker" 🙄

Did you intend for this to be written so snidely? or was it just a bit of a misplaced emoji when you were trying to be supportive of a mum without lots of places to be openly joyful (for whatever reason)?

this is otherwise such a nice thread so hopefully the latter

SensorySensai · 22/08/2024 12:50

What us mums go through, eh? Delighted for your son but extra delighted for you - mum to mum.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 22/08/2024 12:51

@SelkieSeal I would be shouting that from every corner with a tannoy!!! brilliant!

Themaghag · 22/08/2024 12:52

That's lovely, lovely news! Well done him, and well done you too!

angelinaballerina7 · 22/08/2024 12:53

Amazing news, congratulations ❤️