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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

450 replies

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

OP posts:
caramac04 · 22/08/2024 10:30

That is so fantastic it’s given me goosebumps and a tear in my eye.
A huge well done to your ds but also to you as without your hard work and support he would likely have been forgotten by the system.
An amazing achievement.

rainbowstardrops · 22/08/2024 10:30

Fantastic! Well done to your DS and to you for fighting his corner for him!

NeedVacation · 22/08/2024 10:30

So happy for you both 💕 Congratulations and a warm hug.

BorsetshireBanality · 22/08/2024 10:30

Well done indeed!

An awesome achievement for your son and testament to you fighting for his education!

Pompie55 · 22/08/2024 10:32

This brought tears.Congratulations to you and your son.I’m just sorry you had to go to such lengths to get what your son needed.Well done.

midlifeattheoasis · 22/08/2024 10:32

Absolutely wonderful post. It too has brought a tear to my eye.

Well done to your son for such an achievement. You too are an amazing mum

Which miserable bastards voted YABU?!!

Zen74 · 22/08/2024 10:33

Sophos!

What an achievement for both of you. Tell everyone!

Has he read Robert Graves? His Greek Myths were a gateway drug to the Classics for me in the days before Percy Jackson.

clary · 22/08/2024 10:34

Oh wow op how amazing and well done to your son. I took Latin and Greek at school and it’s great to see people still loving these languages which can teach us so much. More power to him!

Changingnameagain · 22/08/2024 10:34

Amazing! Huge congratulations to your DS and to you for all the support you've given him.
As a SEND mum of a Y1 child going into Y2 your post gives me such hope x

SandyY2K · 22/08/2024 10:34

He's very talented.
Congratulations to him and you. 🙂

JFDIYOLO · 22/08/2024 10:35

Congratulations! 🎉👍🎊👏

To him for doing brilliantly

To school for supporting and meeting his needs

To you for being TIGER MAMA

We're right here 🤗

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

JollyHostess101 · 22/08/2024 10:36

How fabulous!!

RosiePerfume · 22/08/2024 10:37

Well done 👏

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 10:39

midlifeattheoasis · 22/08/2024 10:32

Absolutely wonderful post. It too has brought a tear to my eye.

Well done to your son for such an achievement. You too are an amazing mum

Which miserable bastards voted YABU?!!

Oh it'll be the people who think disabled children are a waste of resources and should be neither seen nor heard, preferably kept in an attic at home where they never inconvenience anyone or make any noise in public or cost the taxpayer any money because "you chose to have them"...

I don't really care, I know those people and their repellent views exist and I also know they are best ignored!

OP posts:
CIGall · 22/08/2024 10:39

This is beautiful. I have an autistic son (5) who struggles and this gives me hope.

hes so lucky to have you as a mum - your love and persistence has allowed him to flourish. I’m in tears with you you lovely person xxx

Hecatoncheires · 22/08/2024 10:40

What a fantastic thread! Congratulations to your son, OP. And I am in awe of your tenacity in supporting him. He's a fortunate young man to have you on his side. Wishing you both all the very best for a bright future.

MillyMollyMandHey · 22/08/2024 10:40

Amazing, well done to your son - and you!

paintymcpaintbrushmicasa · 22/08/2024 10:42

Wow. Wow. Wow! Well done OP and your son- just goes to show professionals shouldn't ever write anyone off. You're an amazing mum- your son is very lucky to have you.

GriseldaClement · 22/08/2024 10:42

Absolutely wonderful!

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 10:44

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/08/2024 10:28

He's lucky to have you. I expected that was probably the case, sorry I just meant I hope you're able to celebrate in some small way, but I know sometimes even that can feel like another demand you're too exhausted to deal with. Mostly i just want people to leave me alone now, good or bad news. It was lovely to read your post and gave me a smile so thank you for sharing with us.

I have a bottle of aldi organic prosecco in the fridge, and a can of DS's favourite rhubarb drink, so we will both have some fizz this evening 😁

OP posts:
Tharshe · 22/08/2024 10:46

I've welled up reading this. What a fantastic result for your lovely boy and you. My DS is autistic as well and though not so profoundly traumatised as your boy, I too celebrate all of his amazing achievements that I doubted would ever happen.
Sounds like the school's a really good fit for him and he's got a bright future. 😍

AhaHa · 22/08/2024 10:46

Such an inspiring story. Thank you for sharing!

Higglepigglewiggle · 22/08/2024 10:46

Well now I’m crying too!
Fantastic, it shows how the correct access to education can make such a difference. I love seeing bragging Facebook posts, brag away!

Ansjovis · 22/08/2024 10:49

Well done to your son. I am also autistic and when I was a teen literally everyone in my life gave up on me achieving anything academically or even being able to live independently. I'm now in my 30's and I have both a degree and a full time career and I also own my own home outright. Not intending to make your thread all about me, just wanted to add some more encouragement to anyone who may need it, whether they are autistic or a parent of someone who is. No matter which side of this situation you are on: never give up! We don't function in exactly the way that the majority expect but that does not mean we cannot achieve.

TheABC · 22/08/2024 10:51

Wow, OP! The fact he was happy enough to sit the exams (never mind the astounding results!) and go to a friend's house for Warhammer games show how much progress he has made - that's your victory.

Congratulations and enjoy every moment.

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