To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

[SelkieSeal]

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

You could always restrict who sees it? I hear what you're saying but you deserve to shout this from the rooftops!

Absolutely thrilled for you and your son👏🏼👏🏼🙏🏻 get on Facebook and blow your and your sons trumpets people blowing for nothing but this is mega big enjoy and congrats mum what a great mum you are too.

Well done to both of you!
It’s not quite the same but my DB (born in the 60s) struggled terribly with school owing to severe dyslexia. It took my DM years of fighting the LEA to get any kind of help. At what would now be year 8 stage he was dumped in a class for those who were not going to take any exams at all (WTF was a mainstream school doing having a class like that at year 8?)
Eventually, having spent a few weeks at a school which was meant to specialise in dyslexia but turned out to be basically neglecting the children so it was shut down, the LEA decide that, because we had alerted them to this and they were funding some pupils at the school (my parents had decided they had to bite the bullet and find the money somehow) so they had risked definite bad publicity, they finally had to take notice and fund a place for DB at a different, specialist, independent school.
In the end DB achieved a worthwhile crop of exam results and a career in a challenging competitive field.
So I do know how hard you and DS have worked for this - congratulations!

I opened this with apprehension! So so pleased for you both. 🌟 🌟

And you know, honestly if he's happy I don't give a flying fox what results he gets. There was a time when we were celebrating some achievements that seemed very minor to lots of people at the time (notably, the time I took him to Pizza Express to celebrate him using a toilet in school for the first time when he was about 9!!). But this just blew my mind a bit, that the child I'd been told needed 2-1 adult support to sit through a 15 minute maths lesson has come so far.

That reminds me, I'm equally proud of the fact that next week he is going to hang out with a friend to play Warhammer - first time since about 2017 hes been to a friend's house without me 😍

Absolutely amazing, congratulations to your son! But you made it happen, what an amazing mum you are, you both should be so proud of yourselves. 🌸💙

That’s wonderful. So pleased for you both that he has found his’niche’.

How wonderful!!
He’s obviously very bright. I bet he goes on to study Classics at university 🙂

What a lovely outcome! Over the moon for you both, get that boy a new Warhammer figure!

Now I’m bloody crying! 🤣😭 just such a wonderful, life affirming post to read on (what has been for me) a crappy morning.

Congratulations OP to you and your incredible son! 🤩🤩🥰🥰🥰

Absolutely amazing OP! Well done to SelkieSealSon, but more to the point, a huge round of applause to you for making it happen💐

That's wonderful, OP. Thank you for sharing, it has really brightened my day!

Aw I thought it was going to be something bad from the thread title but this is lovely to read - I am so happy for you and your son after all he has been through :-) and you are a super mum for helping him get there xx

Great job, both of you. ❤️

This is amazing! (He is amazing and so are you!). Threads like this make MN worth sticking with. No wonder you want to share 🎊

Well done both of you! With an A* for you @SelkieSeal

That's amazing - well done to both of you!

That's so interesting. And congratulations to your DS!
Along with other posters, DS17 is autistic and always loved Greek mythology and classics in general.
He didn't have an available A level option for it, so he took history and politics instead (also very keen on philosophical questions).
There could be something in this!

This is a seriously lovely thread OP 😄
What an antidote to a grey day!

Oh that made me tear up. Amazing op. Both you and your son.

Your determination is inspiring, I can only imagine the overwhelming joy you felt when he got his results! I hope DS is very proud of himself. Lovely to read such a wholesome post. I think you deserve some bubbles tonight 🥂🥂

I'm also crying

This is amazing you should be proud.

And I hate that you think you would be a wanker for posting on fb. Anyone who knows you well and knows the struggles you and DS have faced should be absolutely over the bloody moon for you. Forget the judgy social media gatekeepers…. If you were my friend I’d love to know about this.

He's lucky to have you. I expected that was probably the case, sorry I just meant I hope you're able to celebrate in some small way, but I know sometimes even that can feel like another demand you're too exhausted to deal with. Mostly i just want people to leave me alone now, good or bad news. It was lovely to read your post and gave me a smile so thank you for sharing with us.

Oh wow! I can't even imagine DS leaving home for university, that feels a long way off still. And he will need a lot of support for all the non-academic side of it, but I'm so glad to see stories of other ND young people and their uni journey. Gives me a lot of hope.

Aw, this post has just given me goosebumps and made me emotional (I'm pregnant, please don't mock me hahaha). You've done an amazing job advocating for your son, as parents do of course, but it's hard to persevere in these situations. I hope while proud of your child, you're also proud of yourself for this!