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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

450 replies

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

OP posts:
ginnybag · 22/08/2024 12:55

That's an incredible achievement for him and for you - shout it from the roof tops.

FWIW, also chiming in here to say there's something about the Classics and ASD. DD14 is (and has been for years) obsessed with the Greeks and Romans.

SummerSplashing · 22/08/2024 12:56

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 10:20

And you know, honestly if he's happy I don't give a flying fox what results he gets. There was a time when we were celebrating some achievements that seemed very minor to lots of people at the time (notably, the time I took him to Pizza Express to celebrate him using a toilet in school for the first time when he was about 9!!). But this just blew my mind a bit, that the child I'd been told needed 2-1 adult support to sit through a 15 minute maths lesson has come so far.

That reminds me, I'm equally proud of the fact that next week he is going to hang out with a friend to play Warhammer - first time since about 2017 hes been to a friend's house without me 😍

Oh love, massive congratulations for navigating everything & being able support your DS so so well. It's incredible how far he's come on & its 98% down to YOU (we'll allow 2% for the people YOU find to help him!!)

congratulation's to him for all of his effort.

very impressed by him doing the study, the exams & the incredible results, but mostly the effort.

well done for him making the arrangements to meet friends soon too. I hope that all goes off ok.

take time to congratulate YOURSELF & your huge part in this!!! Maybe paint some war hammer...

I think you are showing great restraint & care for your friends not to post where it might upset them xx

we're all really proud if you both 🤗

Littlebitpsycho · 22/08/2024 12:57

Oh I love this 🥰 I can feel your emotion coming through in your post. Well done DS and well done you for doing everything in your power to figure out what works for him xx

HoppingPavlova · 22/08/2024 12:57

Fantastic story, both of you should be so proud.

LazyDaisy22 · 22/08/2024 13:06

Congratulations to your amazing son. This is a fantastic achievement. But congratulation to you too - you’ve given him the support he needed to get these results.

RaininSummer · 22/08/2024 13:07

Incredible results. Good lad.

WaltzingWaters · 22/08/2024 13:08

Huge congratulations! What amazing news.

WWHRD · 22/08/2024 13:08

Congratulations to your DS, what an accomplishment. And congrats to you too; I imagine there was a lot of mum work involved in providing the structure and setting for him to achieve his best!

Georgyporky · 22/08/2024 13:09

Expectata dies aderat !

Bene factum, pupillum.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 22/08/2024 13:11

Bloody well done - both of you! X

Ponderingwindow · 22/08/2024 13:11

That is a huge victory.

Also a wonderful way to show that autism doesn’t have to stop people from achieving. Shout it from the rooftops.

VeryQuaintIrene · 22/08/2024 13:15

Massive congratulations from this Classics professor! Hope he keeps going with it!

fizzandchips · 22/08/2024 13:15

I will raise a silent toast to your son’s achievements tonight when I attend a family party, but I will also raise my glass to you - a strong, gutsy mum who must have felt so overwhelmed at times. You deserve to celebrate this achievement.

HappyMuma · 22/08/2024 13:15

That’s amazing OP!

Bethany83 · 22/08/2024 13:16

Well done to both you and your son! Xx

Maray1967 · 22/08/2024 13:16

Well done your DS!! Great news!! We’re celebrating today as well, but your son is remarkable.

TheGander · 22/08/2024 13:16

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 13:18

Ponderingwindow · 22/08/2024 13:11

That is a huge victory.

Also a wonderful way to show that autism doesn’t have to stop people from achieving. Shout it from the rooftops.

Autism itself doesn't need to be a barrier at all. But the wrong school environment was a massive barrier to DS, and is to many many other children. If he was still in mainstream now...well, things wouldn't be like this for him. I'm actually not sure he would even be alive, seeing as he was frequently expressing a wish to die by the time he was 8.

OP posts:
IwantToDatePicard · 22/08/2024 13:18

What a lovely post to read today, huge congratulations 🎊

LakieLady · 22/08/2024 13:19

ginnybag · 22/08/2024 12:55

That's an incredible achievement for him and for you - shout it from the roof tops.

FWIW, also chiming in here to say there's something about the Classics and ASD. DD14 is (and has been for years) obsessed with the Greeks and Romans.

This is interesting. I was obsessed with Greeks and Romans, especially the myths and still love them and Latin was my favourite subject at school.

I'm awaiting an ASD assessment, at the ripe old age of 69...

localnotail · 22/08/2024 13:20

Dear OP, you are a wonderful mum! Great results and Congratulations x

AbbieLexie · 22/08/2024 13:21

I’m in tears reading this. I have a little idea of what you’ve fought for. I am so glad you took the system on. You are a Warrior mum. Both of you are my heroes Flowers and a fine paintbrush for DS

Whatineed · 22/08/2024 13:21

Congratulations to him, and you!

And yes these are times when you should boast on Facebook like a wanker. 🤣❤️

squirrelnutkin10 · 22/08/2024 13:22

That is a truly spectacular result, well done your son.... but also well done you...it is so so hard having any child with additional needs and one has to fight constantly for them, and so few friends understand the weight of it all .....
Absolutely fantastic ...

MyCupOfTea32 · 22/08/2024 13:22

I love this so much. Especially that he just went straight back to painting his Warhammer models. Brilliant.

Huge love and congratulations