Family holiday drama

[familydrama1]

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

I don’t think it’s a wind-up. I think she was disappointed and cross that the trip wasn’t working out the way she wanted and her mum had “gone rogue” and asked DB’s son. I think when she got pregnant she then felt she had a reason to re-jig it the way she preferred and had expected reinforcement of that view when posting. To be fair, she may have gone quiet because she is absorbing the many views that it actually isn’t fair on the nephew to want to rearrange it around her circumstances in the way she expected. That’s a very different position to the one she indicated in her op and subsequent posts, so it may just be sinking in that we haven’t necessarily misunderstood and that there are other ways of approaching it if she wants to consider them. I don’t think an op sho doesn’t return is always a wind-up. I just think sometimes they are very taken aback and need time.

I think you are probably right, Calliopespa.

However, the holiday sounds a bit of a nightmare with grandparents having to share a room with two grandchildren and the op having a six month old baby. It doesn't sound like a very comfortable holiday, especially as it's a cruise so there is no escape for anyone.

In her position I would cancel, citing her unexpected pregnancy as a reason (even if that is not the reason, it's a good one), and have a re-think about a family holiday at a later date, when the baby is older and will appreciate it more.

Just my view.

@familydrama1

I think you feel that because you paid 1200 pounds of the 2000 pounds towards your parents room, you get a right to decide who goes in that room.

Your brother paid nothing. I can see your point but I genuinely think the best thing is to pull out entirely - including your parents so they get their 800 back and you get your 1200.

If you are cruising just check the minimum age for your cruise line. A lot are 6 months minimum.

So you would just add the adult plus another child who you know and swap them later!

They really will check the baby is 6 months old though, by checking paperwork, so this isn't really going to work out with baby only 4 months old.

With all the extra hands for your DH, why not send the lot them and you stay home with the baby? Much nicer for you to get bonding time than be running all over a cruise ship following a host of kids.

I agree with @AnotherNew01.

OP, congrats on your pregnancy! Just tell your DB the happy news and as a result you now need the spare space for the baby. I can’t see why he’d mind. There was a free space, now there’s not. It’s unfortunate, but if he wants his DN to go, he can pay for another cabin for him. DN may not even mind. My DSs at 17 wouldn’t want to share a room with parents or grandparents.

I’d also have a word with my DM for inviting DN on our extended family holiday without discussing with me first. Why are you both afraid of your DB? How will he react?

Yes, I agree.

I’d be giving it a miss in all the circumstances.

OP, ignore the rude replies.

YANBU, it's a no brainer, just bump him off the booking and add you baby. He or his parents haven't paid anything and it's YOUR family holiday. If your family stands to lose thousands of pounds, your brother and nephew should understand this and back off.

I doubt very much that the cruise is actually fully booked as they sell cabins to agents. Have you contacted the cruise company and asked them for advice?

Op has got her holiday cheap because her parents have paid towards the room.
If her parents wete not going they would have had to pay for two rooms which would have both been underoccupied by adults ie 1 adult in each room.
Despite what OP says , her parents being there were for her benefit.

Hardly, From what I can gather she has paid £2k for her room and £1200 towards the parents' room because her child/ren are staying there. I think it's ridiculous to even suggest that she cancel her family holiday because of her nephew whose family have not paid a penny. Stuff happens, he will be fine. OP is a paying adult and it's not a bad lesson for the nephew to learn that you can't always have what you want.

She would have had to pay for two rooms not 1.5 as she claims to have done now. Her family was 5 before the new baby. Each room would only 1 adult and therefore been under occupied and needed a to pay a supplement.
Her parents paid the additional payment for the dn to join them in their room.

Hi OP,
Have you been on a cruise before? Have you discussed with your TA or who you booked the cruise with?
For children's spaces you can't automatically swap a 17 year old with a 6 month old. Each "child" category has a set number of spaces. for example there may by space for 150 0-1 year old's and 500 16-18 year old's. If the ship is already at the 150 0-1 year old capacity, even taking your nephew off the booking won't allow you to take your baby. This is for insurance purposes. I think you need to review your holiday closer.
I'd also be really annoyed with you if you were my sister and opted to kick my child of their trip which really doesn't impact you as they are with your mum in her cabin and not in your cabin. Is a holiday really worth a family fall out?
Some cruise companies will also let you move your booking to alternative dates; this may be your only option.

It does impact her because she paid 1200 of the 2000 pounds for her parents room, while her brother paid nothing.

So they're welcome to all still go but she'll need the 1200 pounds back to pay towards an additional room.

Her freeloading brother will have to pay for that contribution instead.

Yes it’s entirely reasonable to get her money back.

The others can go or cancel as they see fit.

Hi OP 👋🏻

Check with the cruise company - we couldn’t take my son until he was 6mths old

Is there another child in the family you could add? Then you change it once baby is born.

As an aside, when my D nieces and nephews were teens, they quickly dropped family stuff if they had a better offer. Say the OP spent the extra 2K on an additional cabin, DN could easily cancel later because of work/GF/ college.

There’s no space to add the extra child on. All cabins they’ve booked are at full capacity, they’d need to book a whole other cabin

Well op, it’s mean to consider dropping nephew from this trip, he’ll be looking forward to it already.
obviously, you’re unhappy with him coming and you supplementing and if I was faced with this dilemma,, as you’ve told your parents how unhappy you are that they invited the nephew without telling you, I’ll simply ask my parents to pay me back my £1200 and you pay the extra to book a new cabin for your DD, new baby and you so your husband stays in the current cabin with your other 3 children. For the new baby, just book in the name of any child you know now who won’t be on the trip and swap when your child is born.

I agree shes changing the story to make herself look like shes not just jealous of her parents paying for the nephew. Also changed the age the baby will be

I wonder if they wont accept baby yet because due date is within 6 months of the cruise.

Could you book a single occupancy room now to secure a room & upgrade to a twin once baby is born or ask if you can add a cot to the single room? That way you & baby could have the single room & husband & kids the original booked room. Not ideal but better than having to cancel & losing thousands.

If you cancel your Nephew does that mean your baby will then be in with your Mum in her room?

i think she’d put her second eldest in with her mum. Op will have 4 Dc by the time of the cruise - which is why pp are saying she really needs to split with her DH across 2 rooms. Op tried to manage this by bringing her parents ( perhaps to help cover the cost of the second cabin, perhaps do she could stay with her DH even though they can’t fit dll their children with them, and perhaps a bit of both.) I think she needs to accept with that many children it costs in terms
of money and inconvenience. I’m not really understanding the need to stay with her DH given they have at least 2 children in the cabin with them.