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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday drama

828 replies

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:36

So we are due to go on holiday next year with family. We invited my parents, they booked their own room - they then invited my nephew (who is 17). My brother didn't pay for my nephew or even offer to pay for their place.

I found out I was pregnant recently and can't book the baby's space until they are born. Also there will be no spaces as, the baby is due 4 months before the holiday. Anyone we trust with our child will be on that holiday. We need to take my nephew off the booking and change it to the baby when they are born.

AIBU to take my nephew off the booking (I have spoken to my parents about this and they understand) but I know my brother won't be happy and it will cause drama. Or should just not go and lose thousands 😣

Need an outside perspective pleaseeee

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 11:05

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 23/08/2024 10:55

How come only 1 of your brothers kids is going? Aware this is not the point if this thread. But what about the other 2?

Funny you should mention that. I was not adding it to the discussion as it is complicated enough BUT op did mention that one of her misgivings about DN coming was that it wasn’t fair for his siblings. But if op and her DH get two cabins, each with an adult and two of their children ( which won’t change her budget much since we are now up to a figure of “over” half of the second cabin anyway, as I follow it?!), this frees up sufficient berths with grandparents and op for the siblings to come too. Ta-dah! 🥳🎉 Or even one more sibling with grandparents given one might not want to go if they are similarly teen-aged.

Sameshitdifferentdayx · 23/08/2024 11:48

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 23/08/2024 10:30

Well, this thread has taken me a fair bit of time and annoyance to get through. It's is absolutely CHOC full of inconsistencies, drip feeds, and tbh what sounds like made up bullshit which has been changed to suit the OP's narrative when things aren't going her way. I.e. from the start and from approx 98% of replies

Firstly, unborn child miraculously jumped from going to be 4mth old to 6mth old when it was pointed out that cruises don't take 4mth old babies.

Nephew who is already 17, is miraculously going to be still 17 in a year's time.

Nephew (who will probably be 18) is going to be allowed to be swapped out for an infant as a "child" place. (17yo and 6mth olds are not categorised in the same bracket of "children" on a cruise ship).

OP originally stated she couldn't book another room because there was no extra adult (wtf!?!), when there are eleventy billion adults sailing in their party.

Two different people who are in the cruise ship industry as well as several prior travellers have stated that it is absolutely possible to add an unborn baby as a passenger and add the details after the birth, however apparently not on the OP's special cruise line.

The amount that the OP paid towards her parents' cabin has varied wildly as the thread has continued.

The OP is pissed that her DM invites her grandson on her holiday, but also invited her own parents on the holiday that had been organised her her PIL 😂 pot kettle.

OP has in one of her most recent posts, admitted that from the moment her DM invited the nephew, she was unhappy about it - it would seem that her now being pregnant has finally given her the excuse she wanted to try to kick her poor nephew off the holiday and came to Mumsnet looking for validation that she was doing the right thing. Which, btw OP you are absolutely not.

I really hope the OP's parents pull out of the whole thing given that they're going to be put in the position of not only disappointing their grandson, but (if it's to be believed), being "kicked off at" by their son whom they are scared of. Then the OP will have no choice but to book another room - in which case the cruise line will no doubt miraculously change their policy on allowing unborn babies to be booked in advance and their details updated when they are known. 🥱

Eleventy billion, Special cruise line.. just to name a few had me creased.

I salute you!

BrownBirdWelcomesWhiteWave · 23/08/2024 12:44

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 22/08/2024 23:35

You need to book a cabin for DH and another child. One who isn’t coming. Then when baby is born change the details. I am not suggesting you make up a child. Use the details of a friend or family member who won’t be coming. If are sure you are allowed to swap out your nephew for your baby you would also be allowed to do that.

Clearly this

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/08/2024 13:29

I still want to know where the 3rd DC would have gone if the OP's DP weren't coming....

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 13:33

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/08/2024 13:29

I still want to know where the 3rd DC would have gone if the OP's DP weren't coming....

In a second cabin.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/08/2024 13:34

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 13:33

In a second cabin.

Show quote history

But with who?
Surely the same person could now have baby?

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 13:40

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/08/2024 13:34

But with who?
Surely the same person could now have baby?

Show quote history

They could - and it’s DH. In a normal scenario op and her DH would split the children across two cabins and take two children each.

It’s not a honeymoon. That’s the reality of travel with Dc.

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 13:44

Calliopespa · 23/08/2024 13:40

They could - and it’s DH. In a normal scenario op and her DH would split the children across two cabins and take two children each.

It’s not a honeymoon. That’s the reality of travel with Dc.

Show quote history

… and if the baby is a bad sleeper one of them could take the three children and get a good nights sleep leaving the other parent and the baby with a cabin to themselves. If she is already paying the bulk of the parents cabin anyway, this flexibility seems a real benefit.

SossijRoll · 23/08/2024 18:34

Unless it was an accident it sort of baffles me that you would plan to have another child knowing you’d booked this holiday with the space you had. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Flossyts · 23/08/2024 19:53

familydrama1 · 22/08/2024 20:01

I wanted my parents to come and as my child was in there I offered to pay for half their room - they were grateful and accepted. There was no talk of my nephew coming when we spoke about it previously. When it came to actually booking, my nephew was there when I mentioned we should book it my mother looks at him and goes 'do you want to come?' I looked at my dad like what?? I did not say anything as I didn't want my nephew to feel out of place.

I gave my parents £1200 towards their room which is half the cost - their room was just over 2k.

My nephews space cost £150. So yes I did pay half. So if you all want to get technical, I paid for my child and one adult. And also had to pay the extra cost so they can choose their room on our floor.

Also, I called the cruise line a month ago when they had other rooms left, to book a room and they said we can't pay for another room for a child who is NOT born yet as they need their details. So how can I book another room? Give them fake details for a child who is not even born yet?? Who doesn't have a passport yet??

And I will not be paying over £4000 for a suite.

My dad didn't NOT want my nephew to come, he feels they can't do anything without my brother's children, as my mum always wants to invite one of them (to keep the peace). And because he knows he will have to pay for him I.e spending money or whatever he wants and the space . My brother will drop his children off for the WHOLE 6 weeks for my 65 year old parents to parent 3 teenagers - my brother is a user and uses my parents.

So actually even if you do kick your nephew out you may end up in exactly the same situation re baby ratios?

Could you add another baby aged child onto an extra room booking with a view to changing the person on the booking once baby arrives.

Theimpossiblegirl · 23/08/2024 22:32

If the baby isn't born yet the cruise is over 6 months away.

The nephew might turn 18 in the meantime.

There must be a logistical way to solve this. Just book another room and move everyone around to fit.

Frankie412 · 24/08/2024 04:39

Flossyts · 23/08/2024 19:53

So actually even if you do kick your nephew out you may end up in exactly the same situation re baby ratios?

Could you add another baby aged child onto an extra room booking with a view to changing the person on the booking once baby arrives.

Show quote history

No - she actually intends to use her nephew by leaving him on the booking until the baby is born and then switching them over. There are many solutions here, OP has just chosen the one that gets her what she truly wants - her nephew kicked off the cruise so her parents focus is solely on her and her own children.

PianPianPiano · 24/08/2024 09:55

Theimpossiblegirl · 23/08/2024 22:32

If the baby isn't born yet the cruise is over 6 months away.

The nephew might turn 18 in the meantime.

There must be a logistical way to solve this. Just book another room and move everyone around to fit.

And baby will apparently be 6 months old when the cruise happens, so we're looking at probably a year away...

noemail · 24/08/2024 10:28

So how can I book another room? Give them fake details for a child who is not even born yet?? Who doesn't have a passport yet??

You book a room for one of the adults who is going, who would currently be sharing. You wouldn't be able to book a room just for baby anyway. . It's really not difficult...if you want to solve it.

KerryBlues · 24/08/2024 11:05

noemail · 24/08/2024 10:28

So how can I book another room? Give them fake details for a child who is not even born yet?? Who doesn't have a passport yet??

You book a room for one of the adults who is going, who would currently be sharing. You wouldn't be able to book a room just for baby anyway. . It's really not difficult...if you want to solve it.

Op has no notion of solving it.
The hysterical nonsense of “but I can’t book a room for an unborn baby!” tells you that.
There’s only one solution for her.

Calliopespa · 24/08/2024 12:34

noemail · 24/08/2024 10:28

So how can I book another room? Give them fake details for a child who is not even born yet?? Who doesn't have a passport yet??

You book a room for one of the adults who is going, who would currently be sharing. You wouldn't be able to book a room just for baby anyway. . It's really not difficult...if you want to solve it.

Yes. I’m afraid for me the “ confusion” over there being “ no other option” resolved for me when op let slip she had been aghast when her mum invited the nephew in thd first place. At that stage the space was completely free, so why the long face at that point? The issue here is she doesn’t want her nephew, and the reason for that would seem to be jealousy issues with her DB. That’s why the whole “ no other option” business was so confusing for everyone . People have said there are other babies on cruises . They either manage the not yet born registration or book later. It can be done without ejecting the nd.

Cindefuckingrella · 25/08/2024 08:16

As your mum has form
for this you could have anticipated her adding in the nephew. Next
time make it clear from the outset that the invitation only extends to your parents. You should have said no at the time if your were unhappy with it. Presumably you were not pregnant then. Just because you are now you can’t go back on something you previously accepted.
Maybe your parents will be kind enough to let you buy them out of their room as they are an add on to what is essentially your husbands family holiday. Lots of lessons in effective communication to be learnt here I think.

Boomer55 · 25/08/2024 08:25

Poor nephew. 🙄

Mummamap · 25/08/2024 09:59

drunken · 21/08/2024 21:45

Can you travel with a 4m old? I though they had to be 6m

You can definitely travel with young babies. I was flying with my daughter at three months.

whowhatwerewhy · 25/08/2024 10:06

No you absolutely can't bump your nephew off , it's not his fault you're having another child.
Book another room for your family, if your worried the ship will be at capacity add a child on ( friend's child with their permission) then swop names ones baby is born.

Calliopespa · 25/08/2024 10:16

I think she means on a cruise ship.

pompeydad · 25/08/2024 12:37

MultiplaLight · 21/08/2024 21:42

À baby on a cruise sounds awful. I'd cancel you all and go somewhere on land.

THIS

Littlemisslaughalot · 25/08/2024 18:08

TurksAndCaicos · 21/08/2024 21:43

Personally I think it would be outrageous to remove your nephew from the booking. You just can’t do that I don’t think.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this is absolutely horrid.

My answer is pretty short, no this is not ok. End of.

I hope you teach your child better kind than this

Littlemisslaughalot · 25/08/2024 18:11

familydrama1 · 21/08/2024 21:45

All rooms are full, this is the only way - we can't just book another room and then change it to the baby because they need an adult in there and we don't have anyone else

@familydrama1 there is no way you can explain this that makes it sound any better. It would be a horrid thing to do to me your poor nephew, absolutely awful.

Delphiniumandlupins · 25/08/2024 18:21

If you can't add an unborn child to your booking you can't actually take your nephew off the booking until the baby is born surely? You say you need to keep the child/baby space allocated to your booking. So you could book another cabin for you or DH with an imaginary child (one of your brother's other children that will never be told about the booking) and swop them for the baby when it's born.