I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

@Differentstarts Maybe not but they'll grow up knowing you can't control your temper. Is that any better?

She is a child so we’d expect to see poor behaviour from her. But you are a fully grown adult and ‘lost your shit’ over a play date. This is WILD.
if a parent got into a fight with my 5 year old I would say that was the last time we ever hung out. It’s not your place to parent her kids, you sort your own out and judge her later once you’re home if you like but you don’t get into a spat in her home over it. It’s bizarre and sad for you that you’ve ruined a friendship. Have you considered therapy ? I would be sending a grovelling text if I was you but assume the damage is done.

But they would of got to finish the film if she had just said no to her daughter and took the remote of her herself but she didn't

Would have
could have
should have

I'm not grovelling to her. I'm in therapy, iv been in therapy most of my life, it's clearly working great 🙈

You sound charming. I wonder how many people have let things you've done slide to avoid your anger?

You are right, even though you have 'anger issues' your parents should have parented you. A whole grown woman throwing a tantrum, perhaps if you had have been told no as a child you would behave better now.

Yeah but they didn't get to watch the film did they? Regardless of what you did.

A very valid point!

Yabu.
Not your house, your tv or your rules.

This is a regular occurrence in our house, it’s a massive issue but DS5 with ASD / Autism hasn’t learnt to wait or take turns yet. He just has huge meltdowns which can quickly become violent.

when it’s just family at home we follow a routine of enforcing a short waiting time that he is able to manage because regularly practicing this is helping him slowly develop this skill). Then he has a turn. Then DD gets to finish her programme.

however, if we had people over we wouldn’t do this. DS is already heightened by having people over and less able to tolerate things. So I’d not have challenged him as it could have be violent meltdown within seconds which I would rather avoid in front of guests.

it’s not a case of not parenting. It’s a case of parenting in the way which is needed in that particular circumstance.

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. Too many parents are too keen to put labels on their unruly offspring to excuse their shitty, bratty behaviour. I dread to think what 'Mummy's Little Princess' is going to be like when she's an adult.

The problem is you took her remote control for her TV in her house.

If this had happened in your home then you would have been well within your rights to do that.

But not in her house.

In her house it's her decision - whether you agree with it or not.

As pp have said, you should have got your kids and left.

Op managed it correctly once in her first post, so one would assume she knows!

I'm with you on this and glad you stood up to your (ex) friend. Parents make too many excuses for their lazy parenting. Hopefully she will realise she needs to step up as a parent.

@@Differentstarts

I agree. Parenting, manners ..................

Probably like the op just throwing tantrums when she doesn't like a situation 🤔

Thankyou, finally a normal person on here

Your poor children, OP, living with a parent with uncontrollable anger issues.

It’s good that you have some insight that your behaviour was inappropriate although clearly not enough if you don’t believe you owe her an apology. You do realise that kicking off at someone in front of their children is super unusual, toxic behaviour ? I would be furious if someone acted this way in front of my children. I’m sure you’re going to get a horrible reputation if you don’t have one already which is crappy for you and for your kids.

I completely agree with you. A ND child becomes an ND adult and the world is an unforgiving place. Boundaries need to be set.

There is another current thread on here with a mum going away with her two adult children and her sons friend - who is being a nightmare and they think is probably ND. People are saying terrible behaviour, send him home.

So how does letting a ND child get away with anything to make life easy become a ND adult that acts unacceptably. You cant have one without the other!

Exactly this. With ASD parenting, you have to play the long game! Clear but flexible boundaries were vital. At 5 my DS was very like this. At nearly 23, he is polite, courteous and more than capable of taking turns in spite of his otherwise rigid nature. If this child IS ND then this is an entirely typical example!

Fortunately she is far more understanding and empathetic to her brothers needs.
She has no issue taking a break, then going back to things a few mins later.

She is also prioritised plenty, just not when her brother is struggling.

Hardly a hill to die on. Plus its someone else’s house, and you gotten angry and started kicking off?

if I were your friend I would have been so happy to see the back of you 🙄

Interesting that you won’t be told your behaviour is not ok. You want vindication for your reaction; I get it. It is probably quite shaming to be told what you did is wrong. But refusing to take it on board says to me you have no real interest in being better and this is probably one of many incidence of this sort of behaviour your children have been subjected to. You do realise that you are teaching them something way worse than the other mother’s example?