I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

I agree with a lot of what you are saying. Sounds like her poor eldest is always having to accommodate the other child’s wants, and clearly that’s why the child does it, because they know they hold the power. There are other ways to manage their behaviour instead of just giving way to them at the expense of everyone else. Your friend is doing the child a huge disservice- as they grow older, and interact with other children outside the family, they’re not going to get their own way, and other children will distance themselves. Sounds like she’s creating a monster. Rather than argue with your friend though, I would have just got my dcs and left, and made a note to myself not to mix with her going forward.

@Differentstarts · Today 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

Dontcha just love Mumsnet.

OP: 'AIBU???'

Most posters: 'Yes you are being very unreasonable!'

OP: 'No I'm not, I'm being perfectly reasonable, and you're all wrong. I can't believe you think I'm being unreasonable! How fucking DARE you?!'

😂

You ruined the film, not the 5-year old. Absolutely nobody would have enjoyed watching the film after your toddler tantrum.

Thankyou exactly this

YABU. You are an adult. Also, it is not your house. Of course, I would think the friend should not have let the 5 year old do this, but it is not your place to handle it. I would have been annoyed, but not gotten involved, esp if the older children were not upset by it. I think you made more of an issue of it then it really was.

You ask if you are being unreasonable but won’t accept it when people say you are.

Whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant. You cannot behave that way in someone else’s house and towards someone else’s child. You also don’t have the right to judge someone else so strongly - not one of us is perfect as a parent!

Your friend is now probably thinking you are the one who doesn’t know how to parent due to the behaviour you showed in front of your kids….

I never said she's a crappy parent but she's always been hard on him and the poor kid never does anything wrong. But little princess can do no wrong or ever told no or be upset

What you describe(if true) IS crap parenting, and guess what? It has fuck all to do with SEND .

Your little rant on here is just as ill advised as the one you had in her home.

Trying to parent other people's kids through a one-off interaction is never a solution to anything (even if you're "right").

Occasionally you do need to step in if another child has hurt or upset your child, but I would have let this one go.

I agree with the majority. It sounds like the child could do with some boundaries but you were bang out of order for acting the way you did.

Or maybe they’ll grow up with low self esteem because their parent made it clear who the important person is in their household, and that what they want will always come second to their sibling. It’s lazy parenting, where the mother can’t be arsed to treat all her dcs fairly, so just allows one of her dcs to hold all the power.

She didn't. Have you ever wondered if you have comprehension issues?

YABU you are in the wrong, her home her rules. You are the guest not the nanny!

You don't know what went on before you arrived.
And very little has to do with DC being ND!

She can think what she wants I don't give a shit atleast I treat my kids equally and fairly and they won't grow up thinking mum had a favourite

I would have been pissed off also, so can relate..would just got my kids and gone home.

Also define losing ya shit? I certainly hope you didn't raise your voice?

@Anotherparkingthread yeah it's a terrible way to parent, but OP has no right to be an angry fucker in someone else's house. Not the way it works at all.

This is exactly what I should of done

Yet what you actually did is set an appallingly bad example of how to behave to four impressionable children.

YABU you handled that soooo badly

You disagree with the way your "friend" manages her children. You feel sorry for the eldest. You may or may not be right., it's irrelevant. You were very rude, took over in her home and lost your temper. You are very ready to excuse yourself because of "anger issues" but to point the finger at your friend and her young child. You would do better to focus on your own issues and stop interfering in other people's.

Exactly that I'd of said right let's go we will watch this at home/buy it if needs be.

Sorry OP, YABVU. Her house,her rules, so you don't get to decide what they watch. If you are not happy, say your good-byes and leave. Imo your behaviour is no better than the 5 yo, and i would be embarrased for myself if i were you. The kid is only 5, so she's got an excuse. I am guessing your excuse is that you have anger issues -seek therapy.

You didn't teach your kids that 'mum doesn't have a favourite', you just made a scene in front of your kids and hers and ended a friendship. And your kid still didnt get to finish the film and neither did hers.

Because of this bit op "I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have)"

HTH.

You behaved as badly as her child. Get off your high horse. If you'd wanted to resolve this sensibly, you'd have sat down with your friend after the event and explained that you won't be coming over again if she chooses to ignore poor behaviour. You have every right to be annoyed at the way this was handled by their parents but you don't have the right to kick off like a spoiled toddler yourself. Especially if you have 'anger issues'

I agree with your views on parenting but it wasn’t your place to change the channel and get involved.You could’ve perhaps talked to her about it another time but ultimately it’s up to people to parent how they see fit.