I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

Then why post in AIBU?

Your reaction was immeasurably more damaging to all the children present than the original incident. Don’t see how you can’t see that.

You’re not modelling assertive behaviour or healthy boundaries here. You’re modelling aggression, which is very different.

Do they know not to give shit, as well as not to take it?

My kids don't tantrum either they know theirs no point

You’re not.

But somehow i don’t think you’re going to take that on board. You’re so far from right that I doubt this is real.

They've been taught you never start a fight but you always know how to finish one

There are plenty of people who were a little spoiled or whatever as kids who are perfectly functional adults.

I doubt there are many perfectly functional adults who witnessed regular unpredictable outbursts of rage, including name calling, from their mother over absolutely nothing at all. Or who had parents so completely incapable of modeling normal day to day interactions with others. At the very least they’re going to need a lot of support to recover from their childhood.

You literally did start a fight.

You sound like the kind of uncontrolled person who can’t hold down a job and ends up in prison repeatedly. And you sound like you’re teaching your children to be the same.

She isn't a little spoilt she gets every little thing she demands and screw anyone else in the process

I didn't start the fight my friend did

On that we can agree 👍

Princess complex children are absolutely unbearable! I did diplomatically tell her the friendship couldn't continue as it was really taxing for my own children hearing all that shit. Now regardless of if you are right or wrong I'd say you are incompatible as friends as the child is irritating you and her kids only cute to her! I'd consider it a stress that you can drop and a blessing 🙌 for the brain 🧠

LMAO

This is crazy.
The fact you think you're right anyway regardless what we say, and your first reply to someone on this thread was "lol, I can't believe you all think I'm being unreasonable" or something alike.
You posted. You asked for opinions. You got them.
You're tarnishing the way your friend parents but also gathering by some things you have said in regards to your temper etc infront of children, you're no better.

I don’t agree with the way your friend chose to parent - but that is her choice and it as her house and if it is causing you an issue (which it celery was) then distancing yourself was the right thing to do

however

you should have addressed it with the parent and not taken the remote from a child, if they were still not prepared to act you leave your don’t shout / scream and then leave.

you seem very concerned about how your friends actions impact her eldest child - have you considered how your actions impact your own children?

My kids don't tantrum either they know theirs no point

And you think that's a good thing? It's a developmental phase that ALL kids go through at various points in their lives. Even really nice, well behaved (older) children that never cause issues.

Hell, you're a grown ass woman and you're still throwing tantrums whenever and wherever the mood strikes.

I'm a huge fan of grab ya coats kids!
It gives the mother time to reflect on how embarrassing it is to have her 5 year old driving people away!

Yes and they went through it at 1/2 and very quickly learned it didn't work and was pointless. When parents give in to tantrums the kid learns this works so it carries on into much older children

This.

ALL children tantrum at some point of their life. And it's actually not always because they don't get their own way etc, sometimes it's because they actually can't express their feelings/tell us what's wrong the way an adult can and SHOULD know how to do respectfully, or they're frightened, overwhelmed, need reassurance. Sometimes all it takes is to take a minute and listen to them, and talk to them calmly instead of ignoring them so they think they will get nowhere all the time with the people who are closest to them.

Exactly.

You're really messing up your kids OP with your abusive behaviour. Looking 'hard' is clearly a priority to you, your children's wellbeing is not. The are learning from you to expect shouting, swearing, threats and I'm sure violence from the people that are supposed to love them. Either you can manage your condition well enough to provide your DC with a stable life or you explain to professionals that your condition means you are unable to give your children what they need. You have an awful lot of growing up to do, no child deserves to grow up like yours are.

Your friend was passive.

You were aggressive.

Both extremes are unhealthy and unhelpful for parenting.

Nobody is disagreeing with you that parents need to parent, and she should have been more assertive with her younger child, but you have confused it with being aggressive.

I'm amazed you've got any friends at all tbh op.

I have lots of friends

My cousin’s got BPD. I think people with the condition often have intense relationships with people that are kind of all or nothing.

She falls out with people with the same sort of ‘dead to me’ attitude that OP has, over what most people would consider to be quite mild issues.

Is threatening people because you don’t like their parenting how you finish a fight? I don’t get what you don’t get here, most people don’t agree with her not saying no to her daughter, but you don’t seem to have anyone who thinks screaming and threatening is the way to go about it.

Your kids probably don’t tantrum or tell you they aren’t happy because this is how you behave when you’re not pleased. It is vile, and you need to give your head a wobble - who’s going to let their kids be friends with yours if they need to interact with someone who’s screaming/swearing/making threats if she doesn’t like something? But fantastic, you’ve died on a hill (and brought your kids down with you) over something that really isn’t your concern.