I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

[Differentstarts]

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

How do you know when you've admitted your behaviour gives you a black out so you can't usually remember what was said or done?

I didn't shout, swear or threaten her child

Firstly you say you can't remember what you did as you never remember when you lose it like you did, that's what you told us. So you don't know what you did.

And even if you didn't direct the shouting, swearing or threatening at the child, you did it in front of the child. And yours.

Do you understand how frightening and damaging that is for kids? Werent your kids unsettled by it?

If yes, how have you tried to rectify it?

If no, how often are they exposed to you being volatile that this didn't bother them?

Because I remember the start and when I'm zoned in on a person to where I don't remember it the person isn't changing or id remember and come out of it

43% now agree with me that my friend should of told her kid no

You said you can't remember?

I can't remember exactly what I said I remember who the argument was with

Still pick and choosing which stats you will stand by I see! And nobody disagrees that your ex friend should have said something to HER child. They're saying your abusive behaviour was out of order. HTH.

No my kids ain't soft like that

Tell me you have no understanding of childhood trauma without telling me you have no understanding of childhood trauma. Ironic, considering BPD is often caused by childhood trauma. What a pity you are perpetuating the problem op.

They may of witnessed threats to their mother and the child may of heard herself being referred to as a brat etc tho?

What's so wrong with the word brat I say it to my kids all the time if their acting like brats

@Differentstarts do you have any other examples of DD always getting her own way and the eldest missing out/being treated differently?

Well iv spent years in trauma therapy so I'm pretty sure I do. I don't think people are having trauma therapy because their mum had an argument with a friend

No my kids ain't soft like that

Your poor children.

Because you are not her mom? If somebody called my son a brat I'd go absolutely wild I can call it him and maybe he's grandmother but not a friend!

I don't think people are having trauma therapy because their mum had an argument with a friend

One argument? No.

Multiple instances of their parent being volatile, to the point they black out when in a rage with shouting / swearing / threatening? So often that they aren't unsettled when it happens in front of them?

People are in therapy for much less than that.

Don't you want your children to feel you're a stable and safe person in their lives?

You say you don't want your children to be 'brats' which presumably means you don't want them to shout and swear when they don't get their way? So why are you teaching them that it's OK to do exactly those things, by doing them in front of them often enough they think it's normal?

Tbh, I think that you need to concentrate on moderating yourself instead of lambasting people for not doing the same with their kids.

But other than the way you handled yourself, I agree.

I have a child going through the autism assessment process.. its hard, and everything needs planning and I need to watch out for signs a situation may go awry and try to stop it from happening but that's not at other people's expense.

It happens all the time like when their supposed to be going somewhere but princess decides she doesn't want to so they don't go. If she wants to play with something he has. I think she does it on purpose because she always looks at him with a smirk when mum sides with her. If where all sat in the garden and she wants to go in but wont go in on her own she wants everyone to go in with her. If he's ever of school she refuses to go to. She wont go to bed until he does she will never allow any one on one time between mum and son. And the mum allows all this to happen and the son just gives in everytime as he's been taught to not upset her

I want them to stand up for themselves and for others who can't.

Trauma is passed down through generations until a parent decides 'no, I want better for my children, so I will do better'. You need to do better OP.

Yeah I'd of left that friendship after 2 incidents it wouid of really really pissed me off... but you can't be raising ya voice in other peoples home because under threat like that and dependant on the person It can very quickly turn psychical it absolutely wouid have in my home I'd of considered it an act of aggression and wouid have defended myself.

You would go absolutely wild so you also can't control yourself

I am hoping beyond hope that you are not actually a genuine poster. If you are, you need help with this parenting thing. Really.

Your kids are not "soft" (whatever that means) but they are human. Human children ARE affected by their parent(s) shouting, swearing, threatening, "losing their shit," calling them names (yes, "brat" is name calling). You might not see it now. But watch them turn out to have problems with anxiety, low self esteem, people pleasing, hyper-perfectionism... to name a few.

You have no idea what goes on most of the time in that house. Maybe her kids normally have a "one hour each" rule for the TV, and the youngest was (clumsily, as five year olds are) just taking her turn. That would explain the older child's acceptance of the situation, wouldn't it? Did you stop to ask before you "lost your shit"? Maybe you're going to argue that this wasn't the case - fine, but my point is that it's just an example of any number of possible reasonable explanations.

Even if not, and she does just capitulate to the younger child's demands, what kind of a friend "loses their shit" about such a minor thing, rather than asking their "friend" if everything is okay? Maybe she's exhausted parenting a NT child and struggling? Maybe she doesn't know how to handle her kids' arguments, and she's in this downward spiral of giving in and can't claw her way out of it? Maybe she really needed a friend, and some support. Way to go showing her (and your kids) your version of "friendship."

Different parents have different rules. Different people have different rules. I don't ask guests to take their shoes off, but when I'm in someone else's house who does, I take my damn shoes off. You have no right to dictate what happens in another person's house. You kicked off because YOU didn't want to parent YOUR child - what would have been wrong with explaining to your child that in this house, everyone takes turns with the TV and their turn was now over?

I don't know if your posts on here are just bravado, you're trolling, or you're actually telling the truth. If it's the latter, get proper parenting help. Your kids are being affected by your behaviour, however "not soft" you think you have forced them to be.

Can you not see that you stood up for nobody, you just traumatised everyone? You didn’t achieve letting the older kids watch the end of the movie and you trashed a friendship. You were a dreadful example to all the children and didn’t get your own way, or help the older boy get his own way. I expect the 5-year old got to watch TV when you left, though.

I wouldn't of gone wild infront of children tho I'd of waited and have done previously. My brother was disrespectful in my home some years back I followed him to the street to he's car and outlined to him that he was never to darken my doorstep again under any circumstances lol