To be so fucking angry. How many more women and children must die?

[Kianai]

I'd almost become numb to it, with all the news so far this year.

Murder after murder of women and their children. Noone ever seeming to link the common denominator. NAMALT.

This latest one today, I feel like something is beginning to snap inside me. Three babies and a young woman dead, because of a fucking man. Again. And again.

news.sky.com/story/police-launch-murder-investigation-after-woman-and-three-children-die-in-house-fire-in-bradford-13200678

LOL

Violent men are NOT in the minority. Good gods.

For people who say that men are more likely to be murdered and women murder too a global study found that men were twice as likely to be killed but 95% of those convicted of homicide were men.
I don't believe that loads of women are getting away with murder.
Like others have said as well it's different. I always remember a case in my home county where a man had run up massive debts and couldn't see a way out, some killed himself and his wife and his daughter and their dogs and the horses. You very rarely see cases where a woman has had financial issues or something like that and then takes the whole family with her. I find those cases so strange. Why did his issues mean the whole family had to die?

The report attached shows the numbers of domestic homicides recorded and breaks down by sex. Looks like typically 3/4 of victims are women.

https://www.vkpp.org.uk/vkpp-work/domestic-homicide-project/

But more women would be sentenced then as they're the main perpetrators of DA and spousal assault according to most of the data. It's the killing that men do.

It may be the first murder they commit, its definitely not the first offence, whether reported or not.
My step father almost killed my mom about 20 times, I'm talking knife to the neck, lobbing her down the stairs, and similar. She never once reported him. Tbf this was in the 70s when literally no one would have cared anyway. But eventually she left him and took me with her. We instinctively knew it was the most dangerous time. We were fucking terrified he would find us. I mean shit scared, shaking if we were out and saw a similar man.

Anyway, he started small, tormenting the pets, punching walls and doors, slapping her, punching her, yet to the outside he was a devout man of God.

I'll also say the nearest neighbours knew what was going on, they could hardly not hear the screaming.
Yet if he had managed to kill us, it would have looked like a one off crime.

But that's not true, it's just hidden.

Violent porn is another thing that is causing HUGE problems

And it should be banned altogether.

there are videos all over the Internet showing women practically being raped by men. That are allowed to be there.

the videos show men hitting and choking women during sex,

Young men easily access these porn videos.
It warps their minds, makes them more violent and makes them see women as sex objects

Can you share your source showing that perpetrators of domestic abuse are mostly women?

Why did his issues mean the whole family had to die?

I remember that case and the answer is ownership. Everything belonged to him and he wanted to destroy it all.

Well quite.

You've just expressed the NAMALT train of thought.

You then make the enormous mistake of putting responsibility on women to stop murderous male behaviour.

What is needed is punishment - real consequences - meted out by the courts for crimes committed by men against women. Assault and battery, harassment, coercive control, rape, and all the rest of the crimes men get a slap in the wrist for, if they get reported at all.
The educational value of very stiff sentences, not the current joke, would do a lot to provide boys with food for thought.

How would a zero tolerance policy for domestic abuse look?

How different would society be if there was a policy of going after men for proper child support, and if it was impossible to walk away from financial responsibility to their children.

The immense cost to society of the trauma inflicted on children by vicious, violent men in their own homes is the elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge or deal with. And sorry, but it isn't up to 'women and male allies' to deal with this. There is no excuse for not being aware of what goes on behind closed doors, and the human cost.

Women have been outraged about male violence for decades if not hundreds of years, with no effect whatsoever.

It is time for men to step up, or admit that actually yes, they're OK with the violence, the hatred, and the oppression.

Just on the topic of female only travel spaces.

My friend works in the travel industry.

And she says that someone in the industry is starting a female only island, for holidays

It will be a large island where only women are allowed. .

I'll definitely be going for a week,

just to see what society is like with no men around at all,.

https://www.facebook.com/jamie.barrow.311

What a horror he is. He had a little boy himself and not even the thought of not seeing him put him off doing this?

It is time for men to step up, or admit that actually yes, they're OK with the violence, the hatred, and the oppression

^^ this!

They won't be able to because it's a load of cack.

All men should do that?

Because i do know men that are actually very nice.

It's per individual not per gender.

Would we ever say that all women everywhere do the exact same thing as each other? Or think the same way?

Let's just throw up our hands and stop pretending there's a police force and courts of law and prisons then...

Quite.

The information here under “key statistics” might help you @WotsYourExcuse

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-is-a-gendered-crime/#:~:text=Whilst%20both%20men%20and%20women,of%20abuse%2C%20including%20sexual%20violence.

Those systems definitely need to be improved.

Prison is effective in that it stops repeat offenses.

However it never stops the first offense.

The idea of potential Prison time has never stopped people from offending.

So what else could we do to stop men offending, other than potential Prison time?

NAMALT men often apologise for men who kill by saying that DV deaths happen because of feminism. I was told this by a male work colleague who from all accounts appears to be a good husband and father.

I think some of the porn available nowadays is horrifying but I'm not convinced it's a driving factor behind femicide. Men murder a much larger number of their own sex than they do women for a start.

I think it's more down to testosterone, which affects the fight or flight system and is more concentrated in violent criminals. Men are hardwired to fight and kill. We probably wouldn't have survived as a species if they weren't. Many many couples fight and are involved in toxic situations every day and a tiny fraction of men lose it and kill their partners.

It never seems to be out the blue. Always after the couple split up/argue/etc which would suggest prior hostile situations. Most happily married men don't murder their partners. It's usually dysfunctional men in dysfunctional situations, a tiny number of which seem to snap.

It’s vital to look at the patterns in these cases. Most family annihilators strike in August.
I wonder if there’s a way to support women in a different way over the Summer holidays, when they are more likely to be isolated from support?

Yep. I absolutely agree.

I foolishly got into it with a supporter of those disgusting riots, who claimed it was about "keeping our wives and kiddies safe, innit"

I said do not fucking condescend to me about women's safety. Domestic violence in this country go up almost 40% during England games. So when they next play, I guess you'll be with all the women who come to my protest, throwing missiles at Wembley stadium, yes?

Or chanting outside courts with us about how the pathetically low rape conviction rate is a stain on this country, of course?

Or how I'm sure they were all just equally up in arms (but sadly just had too much on their plates to "protest") when that man killed 3 women with a crossbow recently?? And how even before it was confirmed, we all knew one of them would be his ex.

" Notonthesamepage
Because we are a civilised society. We have laws, overriding principles of morality, social norms. That's what differentiates us from animals. We are supposed to PROGRESS. "

I think this thread shows very clearly we are not a civilised society

The porn is defintiely not helping though.

There were a couple of recent rape cases I was reading about.

One man said that he had been watching a lot of porn and it had affected him

In one case, one of the men went up to a stranger in a car park. She was sitting in a wall. He physically forced her to suck his penis. She didnt want to do it.

He said in the court case

"I thought it was okay to do that, because I had seen it in porn".

I haven’t made an enormous mistake. I’m totally onboard with tough, zero tolerance sentences, anything that acts as a deterrent.

However, as people have pointed out a lot of this goes on behind closed doors so I think it is up to society as a whole, men and women, not only to promote tougher sentences but also to go for the joined up approach I mentioned. Better education, male allies, good male role models for boys. It isn’t putting the onus on women, it’s on women and male allies, thus the whole of society. I think you need to get away from the us and them mentality.

To make it worse, all the news reports focused on him with a glowing write up of how heroic he was and how tragic his death was (in part because he was a paramedic and had been on the TV) and she was barely mentioned.
You have to look really hard to find a news report where they say he killed her and even then the article doesn’t focus on the fact that he murdered her, it’s almost as if it’s just mentioned in passing and completely downplayed but the focus is still on him and his mental health problems and what “drove him” to suicide.

I definitely think we as a human race haven't progressed much further than animals sometimes.

We are a very basic unadvanced race.

Rape, murder, fighting, cruelty