To be in tears over how destructive my 2.5 year old is?

[AngeloMysterioso]

So far today, he has:

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle I bought three weeks ago to replace the last soap dispenser bottle he smashed

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single one

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy box (I separate things like puzzle pieces, little toy cars, wooden blocks etc into the big zip lock bags so they’re easy to find) opened every single bag and chucked the contents on the floor (without playing with any of them)

-Opened a new storage box I bought last week for his toy trains, emptied it all over the floor, and then jumped up and down on the empty box until it cracked and broke

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table and splashed it everywhere with his hands, so now it’s also all over the carpet

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out.

I just sat down and wept. We’ve got a very small home and three DC, and I’ve been working so hard to make it a nice space for us in spite of how cramped it is, but my day to day existence just seems to be going from one mess or broken thing to another. I just feel like giving up.

Why are you still here?

Why are you still here?

Everything needs to go up high. Everything breakable removed. It will get easier.

The main way to regain control is by strategy. You need to control the environment so that they cant get into things

Try using these child locks

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dokon-Magnetic-Cupboard-Cabinets-Drawers/dp/B0746MZSJ6/ref=sr_1_5?crid=2JHF2E4FU2DA7&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Sa3x6XuXo1pp8c8GrE6PpY55K4DKLyQFcpeYKiAAMYvya2sbK6Pne_AURHB0dU6ZZfxTq61mr3E42FBe7oabQJr4Eap-kZN4yMIvSJFJAF5IO9i4uwi0TJ0gWGmEXKDp4HHyUz-U3rM9Xda_CJ5-0r7df-bDFNijKSsmyjW5lDK2xUo9B5m8bUtEls7JLYtgnGyO8F3ZHUiNvR2zebOiBZqyo_VU0LowTfmLMwVbO-vKyQ-8FzbWNF8KO6mbkDsHF3U0N6bSpNEIhF1atck4nEdnYARn-H2a8zcrSbvfbeo.cAn-OWPlWprcudeAuo4l72i9aJm73AQJGzhC_pjl2y4&dib_tag=se&keywords=child%2Block%2Bmagnetic&qid=1724252366&sprefix=child%2Block%2Bmagnetic%2Caps%2C213&sr=8-5&th=1

They only open with the magnet key. Keep the key in your pocket at all times
Put one on every drawer and cupboard. Even chest of drawers drawers. Shut everything religiously so there is not opportunity to create a mess.

Put a high hook and eye catch on the inside and outside of every room door. You can then 'lock' a door shut from the inside or outside. They are much too high for a child to get to. In an emergency a strong shove will pull them out and the door can be opened

Use your bedroom for storing toys that are not being played with that day and keep your bedroom door locked. Rotate the toys daily.

For the stair gate, look for an extra tall cat gate. they are almost impossible to climb and the opening mechanism is high up

Try to have a 2 pound rule - if it costs less than 2 pounds and is entertaining, then dont sweat about it being destroyed (boxes of tissues pulled out etc.)

Have a cupboard or somewhere close to the table where you can put stuff and lock away if you have to go to the door or change a nappy etc. Then all cups and potentially problematic items get put out of reach if you arent within arms reach.

and breathe, its difficult to live through it when they are toddlers, but the skills that are driving you batshit crazy right now will be assets when he is an adult.

I'm sorry @AngeloMysterioso i didn't read all your posts before i posted. I still think the post i quoted is good advice, but i didn't realise you were breastfeeding a baby as well.

My gdd is like your whirlwind child and i imagine caring for a baby alongside her would be equally as challenging.

Maybe just a great big declutter and a removal of anything that LO shouldn't be getting hold of.

This too shall pass 💐

Do you have a secure garden? Confession here: I once sent all 3 of my chidlren into the garden and locked the door - frankly they were safer there at that moment!

You are not the only one!

Perfection only exists on the internet (ref some of the posts on here 😂)

Your son sounds like he is very intelligent as well as extremely energetic. When you look at what he’s actually doing, i feel like it’s kind of impressive he’s mastered all the child safety stuff. So that’s a good thing in the long term, but pretty hard just now. My dh was hyper and destructive as a child and my MIL has a lot of funny horror stories about what he got up to (he flooded the house once for example). Well now he is an amazing person still full of energy.
I just feel that with three young kids all you can do is be in survival mode and just accept your house will look a bit grim until they’re older.
it will change so much but you’re in the really hard bit now. I remember when I had just two little ones, looking round my flat in despair, it looked so disgusting and no matter how often I cleaned it, it was a disaster five minutes later. It made me feel like I never got anything done.
Honestly I think you are doing fine. There seems to be lots of good ideas on here but overall I hope you know that it’s just a really hard season and the chaos can really get to you at times. One day you’ll sit in a clean undestroyed house (when your kids are older) and it’ll be just a bunch of crazy memories. In the meantime don’t let your son’s behaviour make you feel negative about either him or about your parenting. Sounds like he is very inquisitive and needs loads of stimulation, maybe one day he’ll be running all over the world making discoveries, but for now he’s sort of discovering what happens when he wrecks things. All I’d say is make sure you enjoy him and see all the positive because with challenging toddlers it can sometimes be easy to forget to do this.

@AngeloMysterioso You are getting a bit OTT. The practical advice here could be followed. I didn’t have dc marking on walls as they weren’t given marker pens. Don’t give toddler all the toys at the same time. No juice unless sitting up to table. Water only in a cup and then not running around.

It’s not fair to say posters don’t have a clue. They just parent differently and try to avoid stress. You cannot control your stress. I did maintain a nice home for me and DH by the advice I gave. I didn’t want dc taking over my home so we had to work out how to live together. That meant DC having certain restrictions and limits and ignoring whinging, They couldn’t reach wet wipes or soap dispensers. In fact nothing breakable at all. So just look around and put what you value out of reach. Say NO and mean it.

After a quick glance through i see you are breastfeeding a younger one. These behaviours are not abnormal, nor are the naughty or deliverately destructive- a 2 year old just doesnt have the mental processing power for this to be the case. But, i am curious, How old is the baby? Was your 2 year old like this before the baby came home? Or did their behaviour become more extreme-in you opinion, after the new addition to the family?

Or is this just how they have always been and the baby has not affected their antics at all?

The poster to whom I was responding was preaching from a pulpit of superiority where her elder of two children would happily be kept occupied sitting quietly on a sofa with sticker books and other sedate, chilled out activities, and instead of thanking her lucky stars that she has such an easy going child she has instead presumed it is down to her superior parenting and has come on this thread and literally told me I’m shit.

She hasn’t a clue.

He seems to like destructive play so build it into your day.

Give him a pile of old paper he is free to rip up. And explain clearly that these are things we can rip. Nothing else. Give it to him just before you start feeding.

Or sit him in the bath/shower (you don't have to put water in it) and let him empty a cup or transfer water from one container to another. Get a chair and feed the baby where you can see him.

Find a space your four year old can play undisturbed. I have known several older children to take refuge in the playpen happily, especially the mesh kind arms can't be stuck though.

Put as many toys as possible well out of reach but leave the more robust, no bits, no sorting kind accessible.

It's a pain but try and find easy wins to make life easier til this stage passes.

A toddler breaking things and a destructive toddler aren't the same thing. Destructive implies he is deliberately trying to destroy something. I don't think this is the case, it's more like the manner in which he investigates his environment often end up with thing getting broken 🫠

I met a friend today. Our DC were friends at school and are now approaching 30. We had a conversation about this phase in parenting.

My two were 2 years apart and exactly as you describe. We basically made the house bomb proof. Everything was moved up or away. I vividly remember feeling a total failure when visiting a friend with two the same age. Her house was like a normal house with ornaments! She smugly raised her eyebrows and explained that she just said no and her children wouldn't dream of climbing the furniture or pulling books off the bookcase etc.

Many toddlers are like this and if yours are not you are just LUCKY, not a better parent.

You can do no more OP. I'm sure sibling rivalry has escalated it but all you can with three under five is keep them safe and fed. Everything else will get better.
FWIW 2 to 4 was the hardest bit for me, the rest was a dream, including teenage years.

@Zerro 👌👌👌

No idea if it's been suggested, but can you get a playpen? Keeps him safe, and protects your home if you need to do something else!

Didn't know fort Knox made playpens 😁🤣

It only takes 30 seconds to rip open a packet of wet wipes, or overturn a box of trains, or empty a bag of toy cars. I have nappies to change, and meals to make, and wet laundry to hang out, and my own trips to the bathroom (not always quick and easy thanks to various birth injuries). I have a 4 year old who also needs to be reassured that I haven’t forgotten he exists and a baby who occasionally needs attention beyond the bare basics.

Yes I could take the toddler into the bathroom with me. But what happens when he decides he’s bored of being in the bathroom while I’m digitally helping a poo out because of my rectocele? Do I just get up off the loo and chase after him?

Yes I could drop whatever I’m doing as soon as he starts wrecking something. But what if the thing I’m doing is changing a poonami with a baby who will roll around like a sausage in a frying pan if I let go of him? Do I just leave him nappy-less and covered in shit?

Yes I could just follow him around all day and watch him like a hawk- but what of the 4 year old who doesn’t just want to play on his own, and will eventually work out that the way to get Mummy’s undivided attention is to constantly break things?

It’s so very easy to tell me I should be supervising better when your experience of parenting is a child who is happy to sit beside you on a sofa.

Metal cage from wrestling lol I joke hugely op.

It’s interesting that your two comments in here are the only two in your posting history.

It’s almost as though you’re an earlier poster who has nc’d to back up your own catty comments.

I didn't have a child who would sit nicely next to me on the sofa but I did find active challenges worked well - both my kids are weirdly obsessed with being timed. A favourite is being timed to run around the living room.

Best way to get them to tidy up was "who can be fastest to tidy up 7 yellow things" Bloody boring to have to keep coming up with these things but there we are

I think working out when he does these things and what the trigger is would be helpful. E.g.is it when you are paying attention to the baby that he starts with this? Or is it particular times of day? Coming up to meal times?

Well said op.

Take from this thread the bits that resonate and fit your situation and a heavy pinch of salt for the rest... Especially those comments which are making you feel worse.

If you can filter out the useful from the critical and come away with anything of use then great, but it isn't going to help if you just end up absorbing the message you can control it all when you can't.

Sometimes a situation is damage limitation not damage control, and sometimes you are so far on the back foot with so little breathing space that even putting into place alternative approaches that could help is a pipe dream.

If you're not being a doormat and your kids are halfway clean and fed... then you're winning... But winning doesn't feel like that when you're outnumbered and events unfold as fast as you can keep pace. Nonetheless, that's still an achievement.