To be in tears over how destructive my 2.5 year old is?

[AngeloMysterioso]

So far today, he has:

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle I bought three weeks ago to replace the last soap dispenser bottle he smashed

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single one

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy box (I separate things like puzzle pieces, little toy cars, wooden blocks etc into the big zip lock bags so they’re easy to find) opened every single bag and chucked the contents on the floor (without playing with any of them)

-Opened a new storage box I bought last week for his toy trains, emptied it all over the floor, and then jumped up and down on the empty box until it cracked and broke

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table and splashed it everywhere with his hands, so now it’s also all over the carpet

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out.

I just sat down and wept. We’ve got a very small home and three DC, and I’ve been working so hard to make it a nice space for us in spite of how cramped it is, but my day to day existence just seems to be going from one mess or broken thing to another. I just feel like giving up.

I have a child like this. Things had to be put out of reach as he ripped all the child locks off everything. Bottom drawers and cupboards are empty or have non breakables in. It's difficult in a small house as you can't really childproof it due to lack of space. We at least have a separate dining area with lino floor. And no younger child needing attention. A lot of stuff did get broken. And not replaced.

@Bignanna only one or two of the examples OP gave are actually destructive. At about the same rate much older kids or even adults might break something either by accident or misusing it.

He's 2! He is not destructive. The sooner OP reframed that, the easier her life will become. Much more helpful than "supervise better".

That wouldn’t stop him, judging by the way he works things out. He’ll probably be a genius when he grows up!

Hahaha schema play. I honestly couldn’t give a flying fuck why they’re doing it - unless Jean Piaget wants to come over and help me clear up the fucking mess.

I found it an infuriating and stressful age (our toddler was also very high energy, tho not particularly destructive). It’s why I stopped at one.

Jeez cut it out, you are actually coming across as smug, superior and condescending.

My 3yr old is a bit like this. Her idea of playing is just throwing, dumping stuff, jumping, being upside down, pulling herself along the floor, removing all toys from one room to the hallway - for what reason I have no idea. But she needs everything out - all at once. She'll pick up a doll and say 'oh baby needs feeding- ssssh baby' and I think 'awww isn't that sweet'. 2 minutes later baby is tossed over her shoulder and then it's Dinosaur - Dinosaur needs a poo and a minute later a roll of toilet paper is trailing across the floor from the downstairs loo.

I was watching a mother at a birthday party with her same aged lad (they're at nursery together) and they were sat together at an arts and crafts table doing a picture together. He did some really excellent colouring!

When I tried to get my DD to do similar - she sat down took a thick marker scribbled all over the page and said 'finished' threw the paper at me - then ran off to dive bomb in a ball pit.

She's a good kid. She's hit all the milestones, no behavioural problems, never had a bad word said about her from nursery. She's bright, curious, and a chatterbox. She's vivacious, social, and has a laugh that can put an entire room into hysterics. She has loads of friends, and gets stuck in to most (physical) activities. She's rarely shy. She's independent and her daily mantra is 'I DO IT. MUMMY I DO IT'.

But honestly, sometimes I wish she'd just sit the heck down and colour 😂

2.5 year olds are too young to be entertained by sticker books for more than a couple of minutes unless a parent is sitting with them. I think you're getting mixed up with older children.

A parent of 3 can't literally follow one child around all day. It only takes a few seconds for them to get into mischief.

I didn’t let my DC have juice other than at meal times. Sitting down snd under control. All toys were not available at the same time. In cupboard with child locks and a few were out. They don’t have to have everything at the same time. The toddler should play and not be allowed to destroy things. Immediately there’s poor behaviour, the toy gets put away.

Of course parents have to say no. They also have to mean it. Dc who aren’t shown how to play don’t necessarily get it. Older dc could play with toddler. Don’t let toddler have drinks and food to spill. Keep things out of reach.

Mskes me realise why I stopped at 2 though! No energy or patience for this. I hate dc breaking things.

Have you thought of a sling for your little one.. It might help give you a free pair of hands sometimes so you can help put some boundaries in place and try and intervene when the behaviour is happening.

Also have you tried toy rotation? You have less toys out (less to make chaos with) but change them regular).

Most importantly it is hopefully a phase.. Your little one is testing boundaries and hopefully they will grow out or it.

Be kind to yourself.. Kids seem to have endless energy lol

@SaltAndVinegar2 You make sure they have nothing to make mischief with! You take control. You don’t have to sit with them but you have to control what they have and how destructive they are. You have to turn a deaf ear to tantrums and whinging. Also there’s nothing wrong with quiet time and looking at a book. It’s all useful for settling at nursery.

mine is 2.5 too and would sometimes also be naughty, however not to that extend. I give her time out to show boundaries and rules.

How much does your son understand? could you perhaps give him things to break? Like cardboard boxes so he can release his frustration

Welcome to parent hood. Cry it out if you need to. Then crack on. Ready for some tough love? If not don't read the rest of this, but I don't think 100 people agreeing you are having a shitty time and validating your misery is actually helpful, plus you already have lots of that-so if you want to benefit from the knowledge and experience I have to share read on.

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle I bought three weeks ago to replace the last soap dispenser bottle he smashed

1. The soap already comes in a plastic bottle-you don't need to decant it into a fancy bottle. This also has the upside of this never being an issue again

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single one

Put them somewhere he cant reach them in furure

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy box (I separate things like puzzle pieces, little toy cars, wooden blocks etc into the big zip lock bags so they’re easy to find) opened every single bag and chucked the contents on the floor (without playing with any of them)

Not sure what the actual problem here is?

-Opened a new storage box I bought last week for his toy trains, emptied it all over the floor, and then jumped up and down on the empty box until it cracked and broke

Put the trains something like a washing bag pillow case-he can jump on that all day long, it wont break and the trains still haveva home

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table and splashed it everywhere with his hands, so now it’s also all over the carpet

Carpet and toddlers is bold move-consider laminate or vinyl flooring

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out.

Sounds like you have a regular toddler with bundles of enery a healthy curiosity for life. Don't bother putting the cushions back until they have gone to bed, that way you don't have to repeat this all day long

Right. Now we've found a simple solution to the above we can move on to

I just sat down and wept. We’ve got a very small home and three DC, and I’ve been working so hard to make it a nice space for us
A nice space for 'us' as in its a clean, comfortable safe space for you and the childen? Or a nice space as in you want it to look nice. Be decorated to your tastes and be nice and tidy and perfectly organised?

If it's the 2nd, (and theres no judgement attached to this) but stop right there as this is incompatible with having small children and will only lead to further upset everytime it gets ruined. My advice, accept that kids are messy and clumsy, things will get lost, broken ruined and worse. This is a lot easier to accept when the thing is not special in anyway, easy to clean and or cheap to replace.
Once they get a bit older, you can then go back to creating you aesthetically pleasing dream home-but for now you live in a toddlers house-furnish it as such.

in spite of how cramped it is, but my day to day existence just seems to be going from one mess or broken things...

see above

I just feel like giving up-you should...give up on expecting a clean tidy spillage and stain free home for the next few years that at least

I'm not sure what you were expecting when you decided to have children. But this is about as normal a description of a day n the life with a toddler gets- there's no sugar coating it. There's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with your child, and there's nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed or emotional either.

You don't say if you have a partner, or how old your other children are, not that you have to of course, but I could give other tips and suggestions with a bit more knowledge of your situation.

If you've got this far, I'm impressed lol

now reply with 1 positive thing about each of your other 2 children, and 3 positive things for your (relatively boring in the best way possible)2 year old!
Then we can move on to the next step ☺️

I only have 2 DC's so appreciate it'll be much tougher having to split yourself 3 ways.
I think that the start of most things he's done today are normal 2 year old behaviour, but they are usually stopped from going further and told not to do it again (may take a lot of times telling them this before it finally goes in!).
It sounds like you had to be in a different room quite a bit for him to complete everything he's done today. Could you do things like have baby changing things in the main room so you don't have to leave the room to do that. Take him with you if you go to the loo and it's safe to leave older child and baby together. Get him to help if you're in the kitchen making snacks/meals. No juice until he's stopped taking the lid off his cup, and explain to him every time why it's only water.
Other than that, limit what is around that he can 'wreck'. He'll need toys still, but maybe something that it's ok to bash about like mega blocks - build a wall then break it down, starting off with a very small wall then encouraging him to build a bigger one. Older dc could help. He might not want to do this at first, as 'wrecking' things is more fun, but if he gets a good reaction from you and is still allowed to bash the blocks he might realise it's more fun.
Good luck

All those advocating wet and messy play- it’s a small house, not a house with a utility and separate sink. These activities are for outside only, and she can’t be outside supervising all the time. She has a baby and older child too, can’t be expected to clean up wet messes and sweep up lentils etc. She hasn’t got eyes in the back of their head, and no parent can see what their kids are doing 100% of the time. All she can do is not buy expensive furnishings, keep drinks out of the way, when not using, super strong locks on cupboards, perhaps have a word with the GP and weather the storm, and take all offers of help. I know I couldn’t have coped with that situation, although my children did do some naughty things. I was a lot younger and fitter then!

Why are you still here?

Could you get one of those black plastic tables they use in nursery’s as a messy / splash area. In the garden definitely make the most of what’s left of not freezing and rain.

Those magnet locks someone mentioned are great a friend had them kept the magnet ontop of her fridge freezer.

Tubs for toys get those rubber type bucket ones even if he jumped on it, in won’t break. Can also double up for again wet play in the garden.

If you have the storage rotate the toys so it’s not so many out all at once for him.

With the supervision bit people
keep saying could you involve him in the tasks your doing when his off being a hurricane.

Mummy needs to cook, let him have a pots and pans drum session in the kitchen. You can see him his making a racket having fun. Kinda thing.

If your garden is secure I’d probably have them spending most of the time playing outside. Mud kitchen, fort building etc at least it keeps the mess there.

The judgy comments can just fuck off. No, OP shouldn't pull baby off the boob. She's doing fine. It's just a shit stage (hopefully- I can't comment on the ADHD/ASD possibility).

Also for inside not wanting wet play you can get mats that’s have water or gel in them you can make them too. With different colours and things like little balls or glitter. He can slap away in it moving the stuff but it’s not messy but it’s got the sensory feeling for movement.

A lot of judgemental parents on this post isnt there? OP I also have three children, you can't keep your eyes on all three at all times. When my youngest was a baby my then 2.5 drew all over my eldests room with marker pens, amongst other things. It happens! It is very hard when exclusively breastfeeding too! I had my youngest in a sling pretty much 24/7 so I could go about my day with the other two, would that help at all? I have no words of wisdom, other than I hope it passes, and that you can filter out the negative comments.

@BeQuirkyJadeBird seriously, you aren't helping. You're just upsetting the OP who is already having a shit day. Please stop.

OP - I don't have anything practical to suggest but it sounds reasonable tough and I'm sorry you've got all this on your plate. Sorry too that some people just seem to want to stick the knife in.

*really tough - definitely not reasonable!

This is excellent advice!

So you have two children, one of which is happy to sit down and play with sticker books and other similar activities, and you think it’s your place to come here and call me shit to be struggling with a whirlwind middle of 3 children who would get bored of stickers after 20 seconds?

Seriously. Just go away now. You don’t have a clue.