when to stop buying DC's birthday presents?

[againtomorrow]

i'm going to get a roasting for this i am sure, but at what age did you stop buying your adult DC birthday presents?

we have a fair few children between us, and they are now reaching their 30's. when a birthday comes round, we are give a gift and we pay for a birthday meal for DC and their partner. When its their partners birthday, the same applies.

Yet when its our birthday, WE receive no gift, and WE are expected to pay for the birthday meal!

We are getting on in years, and beginning to think about our retirement and money is getting tight and i was wondering at what point we say enough is enough, I've suggested to DH that we draw the line at 30! we would still send a card, but the other expenses would stop!

When i was younger, as soon as I turned 18 i stopped receiving gifts from my own parents, and my DH was the same.

When I had a discussion with my own DC, they were more than happy to accept that at 30 they were happy to not receive a gift, yet when we asked the opion of DSC (yes its a step children one), they were horrified, they felt that their birthday should always be celebrated and they should always receive a gift.

AIBU and should we continue to give gifts and treat to meals out
YANBU to set an age limit?

I'm 36 and my mum still buys me birthday presents. The difference is I buy her presents and take her out and treat her on her birthday too!

We didn't get our 17 year old a present - think we gave him cash....

I wouldn't give both a gift and a meal out, I'd do one or the other. Probably a gift, as it's more personal, it is nice to have a little something to open, and you can work within a budget (whereas eating out is just so expensive).

I wouldn't stop altogether though. Where's the joy in life if you can't give your DC a birthday gift, even if it's a small token.

Yeah same - how on earth did you end up in this situation OP? Did your children ever buy you presents? If they used to, when did they stop and why?

Dh’’s eldest will be 40 next year. We but all of our adult children presents. We don’t take them out but they sometimes take us out

Oh gosh, I’m 54 and I’d be devastated if my parents didn’t give me a birthday gift! I always give them gifts too and we take each other out for meals and not just for birthdays.

You don’t give to receive. They’re your children.

i am busted a bit here... MY DC did buy gifts, but i told them to stop when they began to notice that DSC didn't!

I'm just shocked that your dc don't buy you gifts or treat you! Mine bought or made me little pocket money gifts right from little! I know we don't give to receive, but your lot are taking the pee.

I don't think you ever stop buying your children birthday and Christmas presents, I'd be surprised if anyone did!

My young adults buy me gifts and I buy for them. It is strange that yours aren’t buying you a gift or a meal- in my home the gift doesn’t have to be expensive but my kids would be embarrassed to have forgotten. I live with them so we don’t go to a restaurant. My kids’ boyfriend and girlfriend buy me a thoughtful gift for my birthday and Christmas (under £20) and I do the same for them.

Do you exchange Christmas presents with your kids ?

I didn’t think you ever stopped…the only difference is adult DC buy their parents gifts too!

Erm, never!

My mum still buys me presents at 42 and 23 still buy her presents. We took her out for a meal to celebrate her recent birthday. Admittedly, I am an only child but it really isn't your kids' fault they have many siblings. Surely you factor in for buying them birthday presents when you have them! I can't honestly imagine not getting a birthday present from my own parent!

It would never occur to me to not buy my children birthday presents when they hit a certain age. It is to show them my love. If money is tight- get creative with the presents- offer time instead- eg help with gardening or babysit or buy a bar of chocolate.

My parents never stopped buying me birthday presents but I also bought for them. I would take them out for a meal on theirs but wouldn’t expect them to do the same for me, though they did pay for meals at other times.

We still give gifts to adult dc. Family meal at home though not an expensive meal out...

I don't ever intend to stop! My parents continue to buy gifts for me and my dsis, and we are both in our fifties! But we buy them gifts too, so it balances out.

Ours are early 20s and we have no intention of stopping. My parents both died recently and they always bought their 4 daughters gifts at Christmas and birthdays, and gave money too. 2 of my sisters are over 60.

We bought them gifts too. Our adult kids buy us really thoughtful gifts, so it’s reciprocal. It’s really odd, OP, that your kids don’t give you gifts.

The bottom line is that if you can't afford it then stop.

My parents are dead but they bought presents till they died. My PIL buy us both presents but don’t pay for a meal. I tend to cook for them now. And we buy them presents too.

I'm 47 and parents still buy me presents.
I do buy them presents though - (birthdays, Mothers/Father's Day and Christmas).

what and they did?? They must have been looking for permission to stop anyway selfish gits.

I think you should stop giving as much as you do for sure, especially if they don't even get you a card, that's just pure selfishness. You don't give to receive but a tiny bit of mutual appreciation goes a long way.

Although saying that, my dad and my parents in law are a pain when we try and treat them, they act all indignant and make a bit show of saying no, and turn it into a back and forth argument as if they are offended by the very suggestion, it gets right on my nerves tbh, so if you ever do that then stop it.

I'm mid 40s, my mum bought me presents every year until her death last year.

I’ll always buy my children a gift, but I am thinking of reducing the spend a bit. My son’s 20th bday we had a day out with 2 paid activities and a meal out, plus £250 ish on gifts. That’s quite a lot, similar for eldest son and my daughter is still under 18. My mum gives me £40 for my bday, she really doesn’t need to but wouldn’t want to stop. So I think I’ll reduce my adult children to £100 gift soon and a meal, not activity too. 20yr old will be earning a full time wage from next summer so I don’t need to spend so much

Mine and dh’s parents still buy as gifts and were late 40’s but then we buy them presents too. I’d be really sad if it stopped.