SS visited today

[sotiredandconfused]

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

Why?

No consent given and I was blindsided. Despite no concerns being mentioned during visit with lots of lovely warm things the HV did remark on (whilst commenting what a lovely home we had and how it made such a lovely difference to see a ‘well’ child with all her teeth, before she then told me a story of a 3 yo she had seen recently with no teeth), she then accuses my husband of being a deviant whilst labelling my daughters role playing as abnormal.

Can you explain your concerns about a dad sleeping with his 4 year old child please?
What are you thinking?

OP, we all really need you to post more examples of what the HV said so we can jump on them. e.g. "The HV noticed a beer can from my husband in the recycling and wrote in her report that there were multiple empty wine bottles scattered through the house." That way, people on here can say "Yes but WHY were there multiple bottles of wine?" "Why are you downplaying all the wine bottles?" "I bet it was WHISKEY really", "You shouldn't drink when on medication OP". Then someone else can say in their opinion people should stop drinking entirely when they have children and the whole thread can dissolve into a bunfight on this easy. Someone else can make the wise point that you are being given an easy time because you are a woman, and that the posts would be different were you male. 2 weeks later "I see OP isn't coming back to the thread anymore 🤔"

You are depriving people of days worth of entertainment. Selfish really.

I'm retiring now. Its been a stressful day. Thank-you to everyone who took the time to comment, all comments gratefully received.

why do you find it difficult to understand that some people have views on this? why is it difficult to understand that some people are not comfortable with it for their own reasons?

HV’s visit from 14 days in my area. I know she was doing a pre school visit here but her next could be to a newborn. If I was in the comfort of my home, still bleeding heavily from birth, uncomfortable from stitches, in my sock covered comfies and a HV appeared in a satin dress and heels I’d feel a bit odd and out of place - it’s just not typical attire for that sort of job.

🤣

That’s interesting. I spent years pretending to be a horse, way into secondary school. I also have a (very late - age 44) diagnosis of autism. Had no idea that was a thing. Useful to know, especially as DD is currently following in my imaginary horse footsteps (hoofsteps?).

Edited to say my mental health is completely trashed too. I’m fixing it now, but it would have been so much easier with a diagnosis thirty years ago.

There's nothing wrong with a man cosleeping with his child.

I bet there's other concerns around the father that the OP doesn't mention.

I had one HV visit - the bitch said awful things about my baby ‘not expecting to achieve’.
Yes she has a genetic condition, no the HV knew very little about it. It’s also on a massive spectrum and many with the diagnosis do very well im life.

I refuse dd to see her or any HV ever again.
Problem solved.

I had one who asked me how my pregnancy was progressing - my eight month pregnancy no less! I could have fallen about laughing, if I stood sideways I resembled an ironing board. I never saw her again.

When my son was a baby, and again when was older but still under five, I had a visit from the same HV who got everything back to front both times.

We do not have to have to have Health Visitors coming round, it's not compulsory. Personally I wouldn't bother.

Sending the SS to yours, op, was an outrage. Do make a complaint.

Don’t worry, I am not neurodivergent (don’t even know what it means) and I have absolutely no idea what the heck OP is talking about with her vague descriptions and absolute waffle.

OP might as well have said: Oooh what does everyone think about something that I can’t tell you about…..

No. DH has never been involved in SS and in the 25 years I've known him he is the most caring and loyal man I know. Your reaction is exactly why inappropriate referrals like this cause damage.

Is anyone else concerned that the HV is telling the OP about other children she has visited in the area? I find that to be highly unprofessional.

How come a health visitor was visiting in the first place? My child is older now but when he was a baby we for a couple of visits from the heath visitor when he was born, we then took him to be weighed up to about six months and then never saw the hv again. Round us from what I’ve heard the times you see the hv wiith a child have got even less as they’ve cut down on the weighing

To be honest, pretending to be an animal - especially to a significant extent or to avoid human demands - is "abnormal", in that it is a signifier of PDA / autism and so is not typical. As many a comment on this thread bears out.

So maybe she did have a point there.

Obviously the cage thing is a bit weird.

I once knew a social worker who drove to visits in a jag provided by her husband's company. Visits to people living in one of the most deprived areas of the country. Not a good look.

but OP you used the word 'deviant'. you said the report said your DH or DP was decribed as 'deviant'. without clarification about the comment, what are people supposed to think?

some of the things you are saying just dont make sense, probably because you are being evasive. you want to know if you are being unreasonable.. but we have no idea what about?

Sorry but this is utter nonsense. You cannot judge her ability to do her job based on her being dressed too well. That’s insane. I don’t doubt that you feel unfairly judged, and probably you’re fair on that. But you are losing any basis for a complaint by complaining she was ‘dressed for a wedding’. Which is honestly a really weird thing to say.

Thanks for this. I was starting to tear my hair out reading all the posts about how concerning it is for Dad to sleep with daughter

For the record, it doesn’t happen often but if my daughter is feeling unwell in the night she will usually come to me (mum does late shift at work so may be sparko or not in) and that occasionally leads to us co-sleeping for an hour or two until she is settled again

Sadly I have to agree with this, this my experience with both of my children and the last one also told me three times that my dural puncture headache was just hormonal - I checked myself back into the maternity ward when I couldn't move my neck and head and demanded to see a surgeon, who within 15 minutes had me in theatre sorting out my spinal leak caused by an epidural puncture. 7 years it's took me to get back to normal.

What about single dads?

I thought they use an nhs uniform..

Weird minds.....