SS visited today

[sotiredandconfused]

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

What a sad world this is....

Why OP is getting a hard time commenting on someone’s outfit in this context is weird.

Most people most of the time will wear clothing as is appropriate to the context. Trying to get a £1m sales deal over the line in financial services, you’re unlikely to go to a business meeting wearing Bermuda shorts and crocs. Going to someone’s house to assess a child and family, when you might need to get down and play etc. they might live in poverty or any difficult circumstances, I’m not going wearing Jimmy Choo’s.

Really not hard to imagine what OP means.

it certainly is!

Ours came round because we’d moved to a new area. Think my daughter was two or three though. She then came back unannounced before 9am the day after we’d got back from holiday (got back in the evening) then called me to say she was concerned about the untidiness of my house - because we hadn’t taken the suitcase upstairs yet. 🙄 She was not welcomed back.

@againtomorrow

It is currently at the investigation stage. A child protection order has not been instigated. Lateral checks are done at investigation stages to ensure my story and what the SW saw and heard today is corroborated.

Do you think bed is the only place abusive men can abuse their children?

So why cant she just tell us herself? Was the woman wearing Jimmy Choo Trainers or not?

Having read a bit more of the thread...well...my DC pretended to be a cat to the extent that he poured himself milk in saucers and drank it, on all fours, on the floor, often wearing cat ears or a tail, and made a right mess...and his dad co-slept with him until beyond 5 (and I was sleeping in a different flat those nights).

Perfectly happy child, top marks in SATS, so far so good. Still says meow instead of goodnight, but hey, we all have our quirks. :)

That’s awful. I’d be pursuing a formal complaint for that alone.

She described it in an earlier post.

@againtomorrow

Wow-just no.

I’m a totally lone single female parent but I think that is a disgusting comment to make about a father.

We can comment on the few examples which OP gave us, particularly the one about nasty assumptions about the father.

oh i can assure you that no i do not... but have you also heard of 'being offered up on a plate'?

theres no way on gods green earth i would allow my DD to sleep in bed alone with a man, and i don't care who that man is, and i know for sure my DH would have been horrified if i'd suggested it!

At 4, my DS went through a period where he’d only speak in miaow, even at nursery. It went on for weeks. All the nursery said was “that must be driving you mad” (it was).

This sounds like the fairly infamous HV in our area who seemed to be using the job as a stepping stone for a career as a Private Detective.

Would come round for hours on end, drink buckets of tea, let subtle hints it was probably time to wrap up ('oh look the baby's nappy needs changing... again') fly over her head, ask bizarrely probing questions of little relevance, and completely derail your day before sauntering off.

Everyone we know with kids was labelled a cause for concern of some variety and it took months to get off her books. Fortunately our 2nd was born during COVID otherwise I fear she'd still be visiting 3 years later

What a despicable thing to say about OPs husband. You're talking as if he's just a random 'adult male'.

well i guess it depends if you were abused by your father as a child i guess doesn't it?

be disgusted all you like.

But surely the HV is visiting a range of people during a day and not all of them will be struggling, some may well have been dressed as she was. Should she take several changes of clothes with her so she can dress appropriately for each visit? She is allowed to dress as she pleases, it's nothing to do with you.

I worked in a place where people come for food parcels, some to visit a needle exchange, others are wealthy people who have come for health reasons. What should we be wearing?

This commentary on cosleeping with dads makes me so sad. It's totally reasonable in your situation with the meds, but even without meds why would it be an issue? If we have another baby, I expect my husband will cosleep with our daughter quite regularly so that I can cosleep with the baby. Posters that think dads will abuse their daughters in that situation, but presumably only when cosleeping and never at any other time, are not making any sense at all. Either they are abusers or not and either you trust them or you don't.

It sounds like a really upsetting situation for your family OP and unfortunately I don't think mumsnetters are helping. People are here for the juicy details and are not taking kindly to being deprived of them, but I think their reaction is totally disproportionate! Wishing you all the best with getting through it.

And fwiw DS does indeed now have a diagnosis of autism.

@againtomorrow what the actual fuck is wrong with you ? Are you implying your own husband is not to be trusted with your own daughter? Jesus Christ.

I was abused by my father as a child but he never slept in my bed.

I really dislike health visitors, but somehow I think that there's a massive backstory here that we aren't told.

Casual clothes. Trousers, skirt, top. Not white stilettoes and a fancy dress.