SS visited today

[sotiredandconfused]

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

Im so sorry. The crux of what you've gotten at so much more succinctly than I have, is at the heart of the confusion and anger I have been left with today. A decision has been made and it was totally not required.

@sotiredandconfused are you or your OH neuro diverse yourselves ?

You dress appropriately for teh job. Dressing like you are going to a wedding when you are actually visiting families in a poor area is not dressing appropriately.

@IrisPallida

What you wear matters, and pretending it doesn't is baseless. In a profession where connection is key, dressing ‘fancy’, ‘posh’ etc will cause distress in some people who are feeling vulnerable. This will impact how the appointment/meeting goes. It can shut down people as they may feel judeged etc.

I don't think it's weird a child sleeping with their dad- if there are otherwise no concerns.

My house is like musical beds, some nights we're all in bed together other nights i end up in one bed with some kids, my oh in another with some of them. We just sleep anywhere to make sure we get the best sleep we can with restless little ones.

What age is the child

@Myserenebird123

Both of us neurodiverse.

So what did she wear???

How can we agree or disagree, when you clearly have reasons to hate the woman (rightly or wrongly).

Facts please- what was the outfit?

People feel judged because they chose to be if your posts are the way you react to HV and SS then I would not be surprised if you get more visits, maybe work on this first

Ok,

Outfit.

White heels.
White fitted dress with floral pattern, like a satinmatetial?

@Edingril

I was open with both. SW openly stated she had no concerns but she would still have to do lateral checks. SW hhas disagreed on HV opinions.

While the OP's experience wrt London Bridge and the Taj Mahal sounds bizarre and stressful, I just want to balance the view of health visitors in general with my really good experience.

We were unfairly reported to social services (who then apologised and asked if we wanted to make a complaint) when I was pregnant. Our health visitor was amazingly supportive, wrote to SS standing up for us, visited regularly and helped us through the process.

Not to invalidate others' experiences, as it's true there are unprofessional professionals in any profession, however good/mad at lego! Just to say some are lovely people and great at their jobs, too.

i agree that a 4 year old girl should not be left to sleep alone with dad, why does the OP move to a different bed, why can't dad go?

It does not automatically mean anything. But OP talked about her DP co sleeping with her DD while she sleeps in a separate bed. She did not talk about musical beds. It is an unusual set up for a 4 year old to sleep with their dad and the mother to sleep in a separate bed.

I have a neurological condition and I take meds which cause sedation.

This may be part of it tbh and could be where some of the miscommunication arose. I have a family member who has been in situations with health professionals that arose because they didn’t have an understanding of her communication style and that she reacts in a particular way when feeling anxious.

‘Dressed for a wedding‘ made me picture Bridget Jones’s mum wearing this outfit/hat with a clipboard.

funny enough there’s not too many images of Bridget Jones’s mum wearing this hat on the internet.

Then I will have to conclude that they were probably not bogus at all.

i just googled what a lateral check was;

In the UK, health professionals may perform "lateral checks" when they have safeguarding concerns about a child. These concerns may include:

The child has not attended appointments on two or more consecutive occasions

A third-party organization requests a lateral check

if the SW had no concerns why do they need to do lateral checks?

This makes absolutely no sense.

This is mostly because dad's are crap though, not because all the ones that do step up are abusive.

@Myserenebird123

I think you've made a valid point.

Just to play devils advocate as this is my field of work- there are lots of crap social workers too. Wouldn’t assume that as the SW disagreed she is the reliable professional. Lots comes down to experience and we aren’t being told what the raised concerns or reason for referral are.

Or both parents would both co -sleep with their DD.

in my eyes thats even worse, you are stone cold asleep sedated by drugs... so you wouldnt know all was well with adult male and girl child in bed together