SS visited today

[sotiredandconfused]

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

This thread is pointless because there isn't enough information for anyone to form an opinion.
As it is, while it's maybe horrible to feel like you're being investigated, it's even more horrible to imagine that any worries a HV might have would be ignored when there actually are issues.

🌸

@sotiredandconfused make a SAR for the complete notes/ anything the HV has said regarding you and your family. You can also make a SAR on behalf of your DD.

Also make a SAR to social services, but after you have had the planned visit. That way you can capture everything that has been said and done. Very helpful for making a complaint.

Also, follow up the SW visit today in writing. Make sure you have a full paper trail.

If you are making a complaint, cc in your MS and MP.

Lots of partners of male abusers clearly don't think they would be abusers, but they are. Not making any accusations about OPs partner of course.

Our HV was lovely too. Still see her about the town and she still asks how son is getting on, in a nice and not nosy way. I have heard of other more apparently 'judgey' ones, although for some reason, HV don't always get a lot of respect even though they're qualified professionals.

A Dachshund you mean?

According to some posters here, no mother should ever allow any male, including the child's father, to be alone with their child in case they sexually abuse them. This seems quite sad.

I appreciate people have had their own traumatic experiences but that doesn't mean everyone is to be distrusted.

My daughter is now a teenager but often slept in our bed as a young child, and if I was away for work she'd get in with her dad. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this and no reason for concern.

On the clothes front, I understand what the OP means. I was a social worker previously and worked hard to build rapport with people - dressing inappropriately smartly can be intimidating for some.

You do know that this is an anonymous site and you could post it all and no one would know it is you?

I took it to mean more dressed to attend a formal function than business attire. Inappropriate clothing.

A four year old can't offer anything on a plate in this scenario.

That’s really worrying because a) sounds very normal and b) even if it was ‘abnormal’ the proper way to manage a child who isn’t pretending/imagining in the way you would expect, would be to discuss with parents (possibly nursery) a referral to a paedatrician not SS.

However, making complaints about professionals where they make up concerns does seem appropriate.

What I would say is health visitors are over worked and under staffed. Social services forms take time to fill in. Time not allocated to a visit. Even if unfounded later, its highly unlikely she made a referral for the jolly of it with no factual purpose.

No, they can't! Some people's minds!!

It's perfectly normal for a child to want to snuggle in with a caregiver to feel safe.

Poor OP is reporting that the HV has distorted facts an acted unprofessionally, SS has even suggested making a complaint against her yet here are the MN mafia insisting there's something going on an there's no smoke without fire!

But if there's a cage, and a bowl on the floor with dog food for the child to eat from then it would be a matter for SS. A hv would know about a child's development and imaginary play, somewhere there must have been concerns it was more than that.

My initial HV neglected her responsibility for looking after me, I got very sick. I complained and said I never wanted her to work with me anymore and that was fine, it was recorded and another HV was assigned to me.

This!

I think some posters would be shocked at the sheer number of fathers who abuse their children.

HVs know this, so of course they're on red alert for any signs and red flags, although I imagine it's horrible being thought of as a perpetrator when you're innocent, but I can see why that has been raised in this context.

Mum completely sedated overnight and dad sleeping alone with child - doesn't read well.

at our last HV check up where they do the assessment thing, my DD kept pretending to be a lion - HV told us it was entirely normal!

The bag has nothing to do with you. Would you she too, were homeless and struggled to pay for food? The jealousy and desire to drag everyone down to their level is not going to help anyone. If a person were coming to help me, I would not care if they were dripping in diamonds, never mind plastic LV shit, I would welcome them with open arms and all I would be interested in would be their professionalism.

This really irritates me - maybe the other parts of her day necessitated smart dressing.

Maybe she had been in court, or at an interview. No one knows because this thread is nonsense.

Op you mention a child protection order, why? Thats the extreme end of a dc being removed from the family home by a judge immediately if they are deemed to be at significant risk of harm. It's a very rare measure. Most DCs under SW will never have this.

I'm not really surprised at the referral tbh. There are a few red flags and the ops said there were other issues raised she's not willing to disclose.

-4yo making animal noises- yes this may be fine but it is an indication of a potential developmental problem
-4yo has already been put on the assessment pathway for ASD (disabled dc are more vulnerable)
-both parents are neurodivergent- so they themselves may be more vulnerable and there is not a NT adult in the house. This can also lead to communication difficulties with professionals- as evidenced.

• 4yo sleeping with dad regularly- it is likely not a problem but groomers often break these kind of boundaries to accustom a victim to increased physical contact in a state of undress.
• Mum has a physical health problem which requires sedative medication- this makes Mum more vulnerable and at the points of sedation not in a position to protect DD
• Dog in the house that has a cage- this may be due to 'bad' dog behaviour, there may be concerns about the dog biting or dog ness.
• The op's comments about clothes, it's quite tangential from the issue at hand
• there's a lack of insight from either parent about any concerns- ie do parents really not think a HV or SW would question bed sharing at 4 with dad? That's quite naive and suggests other naivety. Lots of CSA goes under the radar because families aren't on the lookout for potential signs of grooming.
• the OP's combative and evasive communication style on this thread. That will not come across well to professionals. There is no compromise or insight anywhere into the above potential issues. Professionals want someone they can work with positively who will listen and take advice. The op isn't coming across as someone who would do this.

I can't see SW taking this further but that doesn't mean there are no issues, cases are often dropped more on a lack of evidence which really isn't very reassuring.

I had a tough birth experience and found my HV really helpful. She listened and supported me. It was so good to have someone there. However it started getting a bit full on at one point, too many calls and I started worrying about what she seeking to understand.

In the end I filled in the ‘depression’ questionnaire untruthfully that I was better (I had PND) and she backed off, so I think she was sticking close as she was worried about my mental health. In the end I think with her backing off a bit it gave me room to breathe. However she had been a great help initially.

On the dog crate issue, this is normal and often recommended for puppy training and to create a sense of security for the dog. It doesn't imply anything about the dog's behaviour. My dog slept in one as a pup.