SS visited today

[sotiredandconfused]

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

@mouseyowl OP said she lives in a disadvantaged area

I'm old, I guess, but a satin dress really doesn't sound like an appropriate outfit for a home visit.

In what respect? I’m assuming she didn’t turn up in a floor length dress and the biggest complaint is just literally the fabric.

Bull. I was involved with SS because my late mother had dementia and we had to organise homecare through them.

Mum went to daycare once a week. SS conducted a brief investigation because daycare thought Mum wasn't being fed. Fortunately, our care team and the local nutritionist put that accusation to bed. ( I worked full time.)

Mum was painfully thin because she was in her late 80s, had dementia and was refusing to eat normally. She also had extreme osteoporosis which compressed her internal organs. By then, her breakfast consisted of a large bowl of Rice Krispies. Other meals were sweet things only plus nutritional drinks. I'd asked to see the nutritionist in case there was anything else we could try.

Mum had been picked up late for daycare, it turned out, so she'd not had a mid-morning snack. (On non-daycare days, a carer would cut a cake into small pieces for her.) When she got there: "Are you hungry?"

"Starving!"

The other evidence of her being starved was that there were rice krispies on the floor when she was picked up. She had still been eating when the carer had left. She used to spill food by then, so the bowl was always filled to the top. (She was still able to feed herself at that point; later, we had to feed her.)

It doesn't seem very practical and does seem over dressy. As I said, I'm old. However, I should imagine that someone dressed like that might have difficulty interacting with a small child. Her choice.

I think many kids pretend to be animals - my daughter (3) woke up as a butterfly emerging from her cocoon and has since been a cat, dinosaur, dog and monster in one day. It’s completely normal imaginative play - I love that she has such a huge imagination and we usually join in with her running around pretending to be creatures. The cat phase is annoying when you are going for a walk and suddenly they’re a cat on all fours refusing to move lol.

Sleeping with their dad is fine, so not strange. My daughter comes in most mornings around 5am and mostly I stay with her but I often get tired of being kicked in the head and ask him to take a turn being a football. He’ll often fall asleep next to her reading stories and I’ll have to wake him up.

I've had a scarily similar experience in the past with my HV. Dressed to the nines, all fake niceness in front of me, then reported me to SS without my knowledge. When I got a SAR of our HV records, they made for shocking reading. She lied and fabricated so many things. I too had an unexpected knock from a SW at the door. No further action thankfully.

It's frustrating when you get so many commenters who question and don't believe you. Or say how they work with SS/HV and this would never happen etc. It absolutely does happen. Some HV's & SW's don't follow procedures at all times, some also are incompetent, some also are down right corrupt and lie and fabricate things on records. Believe me, it happens.

I used to be a teacher, and to say I was appalled at the things the HV wrote about me in the HV notes is an understatement. She basically implied I was a piece of scum, this was purely based on me not having a posh southern English accent (I'm not from the area), she was basically a snob who thought northerners were scummy and not competent to raise children without SS intervention. She also didn't believe that I owned our house and wrote in the HV notes "mother claims she owns the house, but it must be rented". Honestly, you can't make this shit up. No doubt, there will be plenty who refuse to believe me, but the SAR records don't lie!!!

@sotiredandconfused I'm sorry you've been put through this. I've been there, and it's really fucking shit. I'm glad you've made a complaint against that piece of shit HV. Good luck x

I had a SW visit after DD was born. HV had reported that I had bruises on my arms. I'd had a c sec and have weak veins from a connective tissue disorder. She didn't ask me. I wasn't in a happy relationship but there was no physical violence by that point. It created a lot of unnecessary stress for me. She didn't even ask me during the visit, just made assumptions re a lot of things. For example I had a baby bouncer chair like millions of parents, and she said that I was getting baby to sleep sat up. Wtf..? DD had a moses basket downstairs, bassinet pram, beanbag... she just made up a load of stuff and there were 0 repercussions for it. She was lovely to my face and expressed no concerns whatsoever. Nothing came of the referral but it was a shock. I believe you because this happened to me!

I’m going to assume she was wearing a fascinator. It doesn’t really matter because the SW had no concerns.

In my situation, I didn't immediately realise what was going on. I got a phone call from the social worker. (We'd had another one who was wonderfully supportive when Mum was still living in her own rented home; the new one took over after Mum moved in with us: we built on accommodation for her.)

I can't remember exactly what she said to me, but once the penny dropped I angrily told her go consult the nutritionist. I was later told that the nutritionist had said that we were already doing everything that she would have suggested.

I suppose they might also have contacted Mum's GP, in order to get confirmation of her medical history. (I had previously nursed Mum through a bad chest infection with the help of the Hospital at Home service, courtesy of her marvellous GP.)

I've just remembered some other things the HV wrote in the HV notes:

1. She stated that the next appointment was on X date and that "mum probably won't turn up". Cheeky cow. I did turn up as it happens.
2. After I made a formal complaint about her, and told her supervisor that she was not to have anything to do with my family again, the HV then wrote a letter to my GP, stating she had "significant concerns", for my baby's welfare. This was several months after the SW that she had involved had clearly stated there were no safeguarding concerns, and NFA had been taken. This HV, seriously had it in for me. I swear, if I had a well-spoken southern English accent, this wouldn't have happened. Snobby stuck-up bitch.

My HV with my previous child was AMAZING, (she was from the same place as me).

@sotiredandconfused Why have you posted on here if you refuse to describe any of the main issue? I'm so confused

Health visitors are c u n t ,@#$$ they will shop you to ss for anything

For moral support and to vent her shock/anger. She has given examples which is more than enough. We don't need specifics. They'd only detract from what the OP needs from her post.

@Cerealkiller4U I'm so sorry you went through that. How is your DD now?

Me too, that really creeped me out.

So many people seem to have had terrible experiences with health visitors, myself included. What is that about?

Of course there are amazing ones, too, but it does stand out that there are so many awful experiences, more than say with midwives, or even social workers. Is it a training issue? Are certain types of people attracted to the role? There’s something going on.

Have you any idea how many DC are abused by their own fathers? (Mothers too, believe it or not)

I know from first hand experience, sadly. I too slept in the same bed as my Dad twice a week whilst my mum slept in mine.

Are you going to call me "despicable" too, for wanting to keep DC safe?

As there seems to be so much discussion about the HV's outfit 🤣🤣 when I went to see HV at clinic she was wearing tartan trousers (which looked suspiciously like pyjamas), a huge purple knitted cardigan (which had seen many, better days) and slippers 🤣🤣

HVs see children up to the age of 5. So child is 5 or younger. When they start school, the school nursing team take over.

Just because a 4 year old child pretends to be an animal doesn't mean they have fucking autism.

The hell is wrong with people on MN. It's like you all want your kids to be autistic for status or something!!

OP has explained she is in Wales. The health visiting regime is different to in England and home visit based until your child starts school.

And this is exactly why I've made the complaint.

Well she might be a malicious individual who enjoys upsetting parents, wasting the time of professional colleagues and also limiting her career by eroding their trust in her judgment.

Or she genuinely felt some concerns for your child and did what she thought was right, even if we now know that there were some misunderstandings.

Ultimately, she was concerned and made a referral. Of course you didn't like the experience, but your child is her prime concern so, as she was worried, she did the right thing. The system, in this case, worked. Because SS visited to assess the situation, were satisfied, and that's the end of it.

Some of your responses on here have been a bit unusual - criticism of her for wearing a sundress, not wanting to reveal what the concerns were, paranoia about revealing details and then posting details of your health board. So maybe there were some unusual behaviours in rl too, or maybe your communication and conversation wasn't clear or raised some flags on the day. Are you ND, like your daughter?

Ultimately, HV sees a lot of 4 year old kids and knows that they often pretend to be animals. Despite this, she had concerns about your child. Referrals are not just made for concerns, but also if they think a family needs help.

I think it's better that they refer when worried than just shrug and think it's probably ok.

No I didn't and no I don't.