I've done something awful when drunk. What on earth do I do?

[Hangxietic]

I'd been dating a man who hasn't been treating me well. I don't want to go into details but he really hasn't.

It's really been a horrible situation with him and we finally called it off. We work in the same industry. He is well liked but I've seen a very different side to him.

I got drunk at an industry event and, for reasons I can't even begin to fathom, I bad mouthed him pretty badly. I don't remember much but I know I was chatting to other women, who I thought would sympathise or at least not repeat it. Nothing I said was untrue, or in any detail, but I told people what I thought of him.

This is absolutely not in my nature at all. I can not believe I did it. I am honestly the kindest human on the planet usually where I don't have a bad word to say to anyone. I'm also usually really professional and would never speak about anything personal at a work related event. Even on the rare occasions I drink, I'm very measured about my behaviour. I must've had so much to drink and so many pent up feelings I'd not let out.

I cannot even begin to fathom what I was thinking. I have hazy memories of it. I certainly woke up knowing I had been inappropriate but it wasn't until he called me that I knew what I'd said.

Within 24 hours, all of these women have gone back to him and told him what I said. Word for word. Obviously I am disappointed they'd do this, but the blame is on me for opening my mouth.

He is (rightly) enraged.

I don't know what to do, I don't know how to fix it. I want to leave my job, move back to my home country and never be seen again, honestly. I couldn't feel worse about myself than I do right now.

I have of course apologised profusely and asked what I can do to rectify the situation, but he hasn't replied to me yet.

If he wanted you to speak kindly of him he should have behaved better.

Never trust these women again.

I mean, ok you shouldn't have got drunk and emotional at a work event but the rest?

What's the bloody problem?- why do you feel bad?

If he treated you like shit then thats on HIM and maybe he shouldn't have behaved like a dick if he didnt want others to know about it.

Why the fck should you apologise? you've done a great thing actually- now people know he's a fuckwit.

Don’t do anything

you didn’t lie. I mean yeah it wasn’t great badmouthing him but so? You didn’t lie. You just told people what he is like

i I wouldn’t feel that bad at all love

did you lie?
if no.dont apologise.have a word with yourself about who you confide in. sod the lot of them.

these women are outrageous, I agree. In fact, it's practically the worst part of the story!

Sounds like he deserved it. If he hadn't mistreated you, you wouldn't have told people what you told them. You're free to say whatever you want about how people treat you and if they do mistreat you, that's all the more reason so people know who they really are! Stop apologising. Just hold your head up and if aynthing more is said about it, the line you take is that everything you said was true (if it was!)

How much are you relying on his narrative of what you said. Of what they think?

is it possible that one person has got back to him, maybe aghast or trying to confirm what you’ve said at the very least, and he’s taken it upon himself to make you feel bad, like all the women have got back to him. Aka make you feel like they’re all on his side?

this might not be true at all

You need to stop apologising “profusely” and own it. If you work in the same industry and he is well liked, you know his account is going to hold weight and how he describes you will be how others see you. You need to stand by your words, which are true, otherwise you’ll be accepting whatever image he paints of you.

Maybe they didn't like the fact that you'd had a relationship with him (ie that he'd chosen you and not them). Maybe there's some advantage to them taking his side on this. But whatever, now you know who your friends are, or rather, aren't.
I agree with the others - if it comes up, say you said some things you normally wouldn't have if you'd been sober, and change the subject. Blimey, we've all done daft things at work dos!

Don't feel bad any more - the prick deserved it and you only told the truth.

Those women who ran off and told him though are the scum of the earth and I'd be very cold and professional towards them from now on!! Hateful thing to do - they've behaved so much worse than you did!

Just be careful with the drink on work nights out. A lot of us had to learn that the hard way too. Stop being so hard on yourself x

Exactly.

Oh no, has he got the hurty feelz? Boo fucking hoo. As for the squealers, avoid them like the absolute plague.

Were you slightly unprofessional? Yes

Were you naive to think these women had your back? Yes

But honestly a lot of us have made those mistakes too, you're only human!
I know it's making you cringe right now but honestly you have nothing to be ashamed of. He's an utter wanker and he's just cross you aren't putting up with his crap any more and are making others see him for what he is. If anyone says anything just laugh and say you were so tiddly you accidentally told everyone what he was like x

It is strange that people do something awful and then say 'I don't know why I did it', 'it is not in my nature' etc. etc. but you did not go to the head of HR and badmouth yourself, did you?

Brassneck it, ride wild and free.

You did nothing wrong OP ! And when one of these women who are obviously trying to get into his trousers get fucked over by him do NOT show any sympathy 💐

Fuck. Him. Yep, karma is a thing. You spoke the truth. Don’t apologise for nothing. If it gets back to him who cares. He should have started by treating you well. His female flying monkeys? They can have him.

You just confided in some women in a vulnerable state and they went running to him with the information? Wow. Watch your back with them from now on!

Hold your head high. If he doesn’t want horrible things said about him, he should treat people better.

Oh OP! This really isn’t the disaster you think it is. The fact that you’re feeling so bad about it shows what a kind person you are… May I be so bold as to say maybe a bit too kind?

So you got drunk and said some things you regret. We’ve all been there. Alcohol and emotion are not a good mix.

Your ex, however, is a prick and those women have betrayed you. I would never do what they did. Never. This isn’t worth beating yourself up over

You were upset and the alcohol gave you the confidence to trust people. Don't you dare leave that job feic them!

Sounds like you learnt who your friends are. If they’re after him, then they deserve each other. Hold your head high, and dont say you didn’t warn them!
But watch your dink in future

What a pathetic bunch these women were.

What you need to do now; when your next in work, find someone who is your mate (who you know to be a gossip) and say;
you'll never guess the night I had last night! got a bit pissed at 'wok event' and told..., .... and ... what a dick Mr Dick is and, you'll never guess what. All three of them independently ran back to Mr Dick and told him within a few hours. ahahahahah, what sados!

At the moment this feels like a huge lump stuck on your shoulders but it won't be too long before it feels like a teeny tiny pimple on your bum. [that's actually what he is - a teeny tiny pimple - twat]

If he doesn’t like what he heard perhaps he could change the way he treats people

It’s a lesson in alcohol + workplace, but other than that you called a spade a spade. Dump him and avoid such gossipy women. They’re welcome to try his mistreatment if they fancy it.