To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

[A2J]

As in nursery/childminder etc?
I was OK once they could talk but before that I couldn't have left them with anyone except very close friends (female) or family.

It probably stems from my own childhood although any abuse I experienced was when older. Weird friends of my parents.

Luckily I was bolshy and stuck up for myself. More than I can say for my parents.

My dc weren’t looked after by ‘strangers’ until they went to preschool at 3 and I wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving them with people I didn’t know even at that age if it wasn’t a professional setting, but I think that’s quite normal. I’m sorry you had to suffer abuse.

Well lots of us have to be because the cost of living requires going back to work.

Well never thought about we decided to send our child to nursery so they went to nursery I figured they have looked after children before so my child was no more or less precious than any others

My DC weren’t looked after by strangers. They were looked after by professionals.

Well who is supposed ti look after them while we are working? The flower fairies? Not all of us have GP who are willing ti be full time nannies (and I would never expect this).
My son loves his nursery, run by good trained professionals. And now he has been going a year they’re not ‘strangers’ ffs.

Many people don't have a choice but to use childcare for their under 3yo, and shouldn't be made to feel like they are somehow inferior because they are a working parent.

That's the same for me.

Part of me wishes I'd home educated too. Ds2 suffered so much with bullying. I know people who home ed and they belong to a lovely community. Dcs have turned out fine but ds2 was suicidal at one point.

I didn't leave my children as preschoolers by my choice. I'd have been more comfortable with it when they were verbal and could tell me what was going on at places (say from about 3). Before that, it didn't feel right and I had the option to stay home with them, so why not?

My dd has just started nursery at 3years and 4 months old. This is absolutely the right age. I could explain to her what was happening and she fully understood and also I can ask her about her day and she replies, and most importantly I ask her if she wants to go back and she says yes.
None of those things are possible before the age of 3. Babies in nurseries are a huge no no for me, and before anyone wheels out the "I have got to work" card there are very few people that are actually better off after paying the astronomical childcare fees. Few will admit they just prefer the break.

I've never left my ds with strangers and he's nearly 3. He goes to preschool next week and that will be the first time but his speech is good so I'm not worried. I stayed at home with him until now because I felt it was important for him to be at home.

Judgemental much?

Parents have careers too! What’s your plan, all the teachers/doctors/nurses/bus drivers/health visitors/police officers etc didn’t go back to work?

In a two parent household with one parent full time and one part time (my experience what most aim to do), the nursery fees are a shared expense and women are the ones who take the burden on their career. Heaven forbid they’re able to progress in their career, and contribute to their pension.

I didn't go back to work until mine went to full time school.
Luckily l could stay at home.
I then was there for drop off and pick up. .. l couldn't imagine putting them in child care/ pre school etc.
I so much wanted children and with gynaecology problems took me ages.
I cherished the school holidays..if they said they didn't want to go to school l would have happily home educated forever. But we did that once they were 14.. Their MH was effected by then.
Yet the both got 8 plus GCSE'S at high grades .
My Grandsons have been / are all home educated..schools and especially teachers have been absolutely awful.
Luckily colleges/ university are much different and treat them like adults and human beings.

@Confusionn a lot say their career would suffer. That's mostly why. Although some really don't like being parents and dcs are probably better off in nursery tbh.
And some have big mortgages etc. I'd rather live in the little house we had then.

My god you’re so sanctimonious. So now if you like your job you don’t like your kids and they’re better off in nursery?

Most people would rather leave their children with trusted, loving, competent family members than in paid for childcare. It's not always possible though.

Some of us don't have a choice.

My daughter will be starting nursery at 10 months as I need to go back to work. She's doing 3 days and we will be significantly better off than if I stayed home. If I had the choice, of course I'd stay home with her, but I can't.

I lost consciousness during my delivery and so was in intensive care.
My children (twins) were looked after by strangers from literally the first moment of their lives and didn't see me until they were a day and half old.

Mums have strokes. Mums have accidents. Mums have cancer.

Some people have literally no choice.

They don't need you judging them.

@PutOnYourRedShoesAndLetsDance I didn't work when mine were school age and loved school holidays. I really wish I'd home educated. I'm sorry your dcs suffered.

There's more ways a child can show they are not happy than talking though. Been able to verbally express they don't like something or something happened that worried or upset them can be the last form of communication even in a confidently verbal child. You'd look at behavioural cues. You know your child best and would know if something wasn't right.

I think there's a difference between leaving a child with a stranger down the street and leaving them with someone who has been vetted and checked in a childcare setting. Unfortunately, the majority of harm to children comes from people known to them so not being a stranger doesn't necessarily reduce any risk either.

Can't win either way it would seem

@Confusionn if I quit my job I wouldn’t be able to afford my mortgage and would lose my house. Not sure that’s more beneficial for a child than going to a reputable childcare setting?

@Octavia64 that sounds terrible. I hope you're OK now?

@A2J the majority of abuse is from within family and friends (as you unfortunately found out, I am sorry for your experience)

@NeverAloneNeverAgain yes speech is a small part of communication.

@crumblingschools yes it is. I was very vigilant with mine.

Some of us are also SINGLE PARENTS so only have one adult to pay for everything.

I never minded sending my DS while I was working, he's 16 now just left school and planning on doing a medical degree so he's done pretty well.