To ask if you couldn't imagine leaving your baby and then young dc with strangers?

[A2J]

As in nursery/childminder etc?
I was OK once they could talk but before that I couldn't have left them with anyone except very close friends (female) or family.

It probably stems from my own childhood although any abuse I experienced was when older. Weird friends of my parents.

Luckily I was bolshy and stuck up for myself. More than I can say for my parents.

How to take sex equality back generations in one comment. So us ‘little women’ are just meant to stay at home and look after the babies?

I've trained for 25 years plus as have my team. We deliver outstanding care and individually tailored learning plans enriched with love that make each child's happiness and success our daily focus.

we are not strangers.

we are caring, trained professionals who do a wonderful job of making children's Early Years magical for those parents that want/need to work.

You sound very judgemental about nursery parents' choices and there's no need for it at all. You do you.

@Demonhunter not now.

Totally understand your POV in that your feel your babies were too small and nursery felt unsafe to you. Also I’m sorry you had a terrible experience growing up.

I think you need to understand that that is your POV, and not everyone shares it.

I think people have strong reactions because we all want to do the best for our children, and everyone has a really strong opinion about what that “best” looks like, but it actually isn’t a “one size fits all” scenario. So people feel frustrated to be told they are “doing it wrong” (often in very emotive terms!) when they are doing the best they can and what is actually “right” for them and their family.

Add into that the endless judgementalism and misogyny (see my previous post for an example of what appears to be unconscious judgementalism on your part) and it can all get a bit heated.

FWIW, I feel zero guilt for sending my kid to nursery. He loves it (he gets really excited when we pull into the car park), they are trained professionals and know much more about his development and playing with him, and feeding him than I do (no matter how many books I read or hours and hours I spend googling it all), and I get to carry on with my career and provide for him. He’s happy, I’m happy, it’s all good! :)

Seems this thread is just an opportunity for OP and some others to be goady, judgemental and sanctimonious.

I hate that thought. We can't survive on DHs wage alone without massively uprooting ourselves to a much worse area. And we have a small house. I earn a decent wage, so we are better off after the astronomical childcare fees. Doesn't mean I'd rather be at work. Just how it is.

Posters like that also forget that if we jacked in work we're preventing ourselves from being independent, potentially from having a good retirement income or being able to go back to the same decent job we worked hard to get later on.

But as long as we're at home with the children like good little wives it's all fine.

I sm MUCH more comfortable leaving my children with professionals than leaving with friends or grandparents...

I love being a parent - DT’s are our greatest accomplishment. However DH and I have careers so we used a nursery with highly educated professional staff- two of which became our babysitters. DH is a doctor - would you prefer he stayed home with DT’s ?

I'm sorry you suffered abuse.

But it's worth saying that most cases of child abuse are committed by a child's relatives or family friends. Statistically, a child is less likely to be abused in a formal childcare setting than by their family/friends.

Regardless, most parents don't have a lot of choice. Even pokey flats are so expensive in many areas (to rent or buy) that both parents have to work. Many parents don't have an extended family living close by, or close friends who are able to care for their children.

Imagine if every other nurse, doctor, train driver, teacher, computer programmer stopped working for 4yrs and then worked only PT for another decade once they/their partner have a child. It'd be madness.

Parents have to make a million choices and parents can only do their best in their circumstances. I respect your choice to do what's right for you, but that isn't necessarily workable or right for others

It's quite bizarre to shame people - even if that wasn't your intention - for working to provide for their families and employing qualified, regulated, DBS-checked people to care for their children while they do so.

How nice to see you mention (female) against close friends! I thought I was the only woman who wouldn't trust men with a little child (especially a girl).

I’m convinced this post is click bait or a troll.

Surely, no one is that naive to think anyone actually wants to leave their kids. It’s not about choice it’s about earning money.

If this post is genuine. The OP is a tosser.

God forbid a father look after their daughter, hey?

People are not reacting to your life choices.

They are reacting to the very unpleasant statements that you have made about those who have made different life choices to you.

Mmm. Tradwife bollocks? Driven by the US religious right.

I agree and I stayed home with mine

@A2J I find it amusing all the posts on here supposedly from women which appear to be desperate to promote being a SAHM "for the childs sake". The truth is..many women are waking up to the fact that just like men, they can have children AND have a successful career. It's by no means easy, but it's doable. And here's the biggee, that this can give them financial freedom from men, both now and in the future. If you want to be a SAHP because you are afraid of anyone else looking after your child and have means to do so, that's your choice and the one right for you. Would you have left your child with their father whilst you worked some of the week? Men should be taking responsibility for their kids. It's a chicken and egg. The common male get out clause for not doing half the childcare? Oh I earn more. And of course men will continue to earn more on average if they don't do half the childcare! It's that simple. Why didn't your husband or partner choose to take the lifestyle hit and look after the kids at least some of the time whilst you worker...?! Why was it only you who took the lifestyle hit? If you both earned the same what would you have done then?

OP, people aren’t reacting strongly to your life choices; I absolutely couldn’t not give a flying monkeys what you choose to do. People are reacting to the judgemental and sanctimonious tone of your posts.

Choices are very personal and often made out of necessity. They don’t need to be “understandable” to the OP or anyone else.

You see so many women on here who have limited earning potential after years of being at home with the children or part-time work. Then their marriage unfortunately breaks down and they have no reliable source of income and no pension.

I returned to full-time work when my son was 2.5. I’m a single parent so I need to provide for him - a roof over his head, clothes and food - but I also want to invest in his future.He can do hobbies and I can save for university if that’s what he chooses. I can give him life experiences he wouldn’t get if I didn’t work. He also, hopefully, sees his how his mother raises him, loves him, and provides for him. I’m very lucky that I can do most drop offs and pick ups. Our situation is different to many but it works for us.

You do realise the government no longer pays for mums to stay home. Iv been a single mum at times so who do you want to pay my bills if I'm not working

Not another thread bashing parents that need to work and have no other choice but to put their kids in professional childcare. Honest to god this is so tiresome can all of you with your high earning husbands and your one income families please get down off your high horses.

I agree absolutely.
I had four and looked after them myself.

And having worked as a professional childminder and as a nursery worker & manager I advise everyone I know to look after their own babies.

A good childminder is preferable to a nursery but neither comes close to a mother caring for her own child.

@NPET did your daughter have a dad? What about if you had a son, would you treat them as the devil incarnate?

Who paid your bills your husband or the government

So what, the whole point of your thread was about school age kids and working/childcare, not afterwards. You said you didn't work when your kids were school age, so again, it was you who said that, not me.

@AgileGreenSeal if you are against the profession so much why did you become a childminder?